Tell me a joke and I'll reward you with 10 points if I laugh...

[The iron sheik]

*knock knock*
who's there?

...a def leppard drum solo

[zizoudane10]

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!"

________________________________________ ________________________________________ __________

How do you make your girlfriend cry while having sex?
Phone her.

________________________________________ ________________________________________ __________

A man is telling his friend of a recent experience: "I was walking along beside the railway line" he says, "When I saw this girl tied to the tracks. Well, naturally I freed her, pulled her off the tracks and ended up having sex with her all night." "Did you get a blow job?" asks his friend. "No!" he says, "I never did find the head."

________________________________________ ________________________________________ __________

The teenage girl asks her stepdad if she can borrow the car.
Dad says "Ok, but you know what you'll have to do for it"
So she starts to give him head but stops quickly and says "your d*ck tastes like shit!"
Dad says "oh, that's right; your brother has the car!"

________________________________________ ______________________________________

Mom and Dad were married 50 years and the celebration was a big one. Being a working class family, the children all chipped in to send Mom and Dad on their first cruise ever, with their accommodations as inside and upper/lower berths.

In the excitement of departure, Mom forgot her hearing aids.

The first night on board they retired to their upper/lower berth stateroom. Dad Looks at the bedding situation and asked “Up or down?”

A look of surprise swept over Mommas’ face and she proceeded to have the wildest sex they have had in 40 years.

Each night Pappa would ask “Up or Down?” Each night the sex gets wilder and better.

Upon their return home, they unpack and Momma finds her hearing aid and puts it in. That evening Poppa stands at the foot of the bed in happy anticipation and says ” Well, Up or Down?”

A little confused Momma asks “Up or Down what?”

Poppa said “I’m not sure, but each night on the cruise when ever I asked that question you gave the best sex ever!”

“Oh my G-d!” Momma said in disgust

“I thought you were saying F**k or drown.“

[Fidel_CashFlow]

A woman goes to see the doctor.

The doctor tells the woman to say "Aaaaaah".

"Why?" asks the woman.

To which the doctor replies, "My cat died."

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese.

And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.

It's either my mum or my dad.

Or my older brother, Colin.

Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

JayVegas is going to LOVE these 2 gut busters

[Itsamazing777]

Know why my girlfriend is my better half?
Because she better have dinner ready when I get home........

[sourtwist]

Know why my girlfriend is my better half?
Because she better have dinner ready when I get home........

I think u should give giant 10 points for having to read that...

[Jayvegas420]

JayVegas is going to LOVE these 2 gut busters

[Fidel_CashFlow]

I have no clue what the first one even means


Originally Posted by Chuck Beezy
A woman goes to see the doctor.

The doctor tells the woman to say "Aaaaaah".

"Why?" asks the woman.

To which the doctor replies, "My cat died."

[Jayvegas420]

[Let's Go Rangers]

Q) What is the difference between Sarah Palin's pussy & Sarah Palin's mouth?

A) Only some of the things that come out of her pussy are retarded

[Fidel_CashFlow]

a guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hangin that reads

Cheese Sandwich : $1.50

Chicken Sandwich : $2.75

HandJob : $10.00


while checking his wallet to see if he will have the expected payment

he walks up to the bar and waves down one of the 3 exceptionally sexy blondes

that are serving drinks to a eager lookin group of men .

The lady smiles with a knowing look and answers "May I help you sir "

"I was wondering" whispers the man ... "are you the one that is giving handjobs ?"

"Yes" she purrs .... "Indeed I am "

The man replies " Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich"

[Vaughany]

Why wasn't Jesus born in China?

He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin

[pico]

pretty good ones

[Sledge187]

A long but good one.....

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a "for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner."This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.



"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.



The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).



That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.



"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."



"No problem," he says. And in they go.



The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.



As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.



So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.



"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.



Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he stands up pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.



Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "I'll do the dishes, I'll do the dishes."

[sploofdogg]

I can nail a million nails into some wood, and I'll never be a carpenter. But if I suck one dick, I'll always be a roosterlicker.

[CarpeDime]

saw this one by an African-American comedian like 15 years ago or something. All in the delivery of course, but I will try to write it out in rough Ebonics:


Lotta brothers just trippin'. I'm for real yall, some brothers just trippin'. Like some brothers will go down on they woman, eat the coochie, come up and put on a condom! Why?? You already done ate the disease!

[Huckleberry Pig]

saw this one by an African-American comedian like 15 years ago or something. All in the delivery of course, but I will try to write it out in rough Ebonics:


Lotta brothers just trippin'. I'm for real yall, some brothers just trippin'. Like some brothers will go down on they woman, eat the coochie, come up and put on a condom! Why?? You already done ate the disease!

well there go my lunch plans

[sorinnn]

well there go my lunch plans

he must've had a solid delivery if it made him laugh at that

[Smoke]

well there go my lunch plans

Mine too

[Itsamazing777]

I think u should give giant 10 points for having to read that...

Lol, just throwing it out there. I got 10 for my last joke....... I don't use points anyway. Just sharing a joke

[onemoregoal]

I used to run a lemonade stand where I would give people one free drink. I would then charge them £5 for the second glass.
The second glass contained the antidote.

[Jayvegas420]

Mine too

Smoke eats at the "Y" anyway!

[swordsandtequila]

Once a year Bob flies home to meet up with his high school buddy Frank to play golf and reminisce. Seeing his friend exit the terminal Frank yells out "Bob, over here!".

Bob: Don't call me Bob, call me lucky.
Frank: What do you mean, lucky?
Bob: Well, on the way to the airport my cab was in a head-on collision. Car was totaled but I walked away without a scratch.
Frank: Oh my god, you were lucky. Anyway, welcome home!

Year goes by, same scenario:

Frank: Bob, great to see you!
Bob: Don't call me Bob, call me lucky lucky.
Frank: Lucky lucky? What the hell does that mean?
Bob: Well, my original flight wasn't in the air ten minutes before it crashed into a mountain side. I was the sole survivor, walked away without a scratch.
Frank: Holy sh*t, that's incredible! Crazy!

Another year, back at the airport:

Frank: Bob, welcome home!
Bob: Don't call me Bob, call me lucky lucky lucky.
Frank: You're kidding, now what happened?
Bob: Well, I was banging this married chick from work; her husband came home early, saw me plowing his wife and shot me in the ass.
Frank: Jeezus, you got shot! What's lucky about that?
Bob: 5 minutes earlier he would have got me in the head.

[The Giant]

If you've noticed, I haven't rewarded any points lately.

It's because all these jokes suck.

Step it up, boys.

[Fidel_CashFlow]

If you've noticed, I haven't rewarded any points lately.

It's because all these jokes suck.

Step it up, boys.

Originally Posted by Chuck Beezy
A woman goes to see the doctor.

The doctor tells the woman to say "Aaaaaah".

"Why?" asks the woman.

To which the doctor replies, "My cat died."

[CarpeDime]

If you've noticed, I haven't rewarded any points lately.

It's because all these jokes suck.

Step it up, boys.

ok lets go with a sure thing to start, ok?

here it goes:

What's the deal with driveways and parkways, people? I mean seriously, no seriously people, what's the deal? You drive on a parkway, but park on a driveway? I mean come on people, who are the geniuses who came up with that???

[Jayvegas420]

One more try.
Superman is flying around town one weekend, bored out of his skull and decides to call it a night. On his way home he sees wonderwoman on the beach. She's naked & her legs are spread and she's just lying there on her back.

He thinks to himself, "I'm Superman, I can swoop down there "Super Fukk" her & take off & she'll never know what hit here.

So he does it. Flies down, stick it in here, SUPER FUKKS her & flies away without her knowing a thing.

As she's lying on the beach she says, "What the fukk was that?"

The Invisible Man says, :I don't know but, my A$$ HOLE is killing me.

[Fidel_CashFlow]

A child goes to the pediatrician

The pediatrician tells the child to say "Aaaaaah".

"Why?" asks the child.

To which the pediatrician replies, "My cat died"

[Fidel_CashFlow]

If you've noticed, I haven't rewarded any points lately.

It's because all these jokes suck.

Step it up, boys.

What is more fun then shitting in a babies mouth ?


Watching the little bastard eat it.

[The Giant]

[Jayvegas420]

He doesn't get any points for that?
Strange thread.

[onemoregoal]

[Crystos]

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

DAM!

[Fidel_CashFlow]

[pico]

thread is now dead

[Fidel_CashFlow]

thread is now dead

a seal walks into a club.......

well dont sit the fukk back and watch it die Pico. Tell us some gut busters