Tell me a joke and I'll reward you with 10 points if I laugh...

[Wulfman14]

it was the first day of school and a new indian student named prakash kumar entered the 4th grade.
the teacher said "let s begin by reviewing some american history. who said give me liberty or give me death?"
the whole class was silent except for prakash who had his hand up. "patrick henry, 1775" he said.

teacher says "very good! who said government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth? "

again no response except from prakash, "abraham lincoln, 1863"

the teacher snapped at the class. "Class you should be ashamed of yourself. Prakash, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do ! "

SHe heard a loud whisper. " fuk the indians." teacher says " who said that"


once again prakash's hand goes up " general custer,1962 "

now furious another student yells " oh yea? suck this !"

Prakash jumps out of his chair , waving his hands and shouts to the teacher "bill clinton to monica lewinsky, 1997. "


now with almost mob hysteria another student says "you little shit. if you say anything else , ill kill you."

prakash yells at the top of his voice "michael jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004"

the teacher fainted. as the class gathered around the teacher , one student said "oh shit , we're screwed."

Prakash says quietly, "i think it was lehmann brothers, nov 4th, 2008."

[edawg]

What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe






A canoe tips

[pulledclear]

Reemers teeth are so fcked up he has to suck Macdummies dck sideways?

[onemoregoal]

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'

[daneblazer]

[Wulfman14]

this one was ac tually a rea life incident bet ween my mom and brother many moons ago. i remember it and still laugh.

mom- " stop acting black , pull your pants up and stop talking like they do you stupid kid"

brother - " momma im only black from the waist down."

[pinnacle420]

Inappropriate.

[pulledclear]

Reemers teeth are so big he once fcked a Grand Piano.

[swordsandtequila]

.......

[fitguy67]

overheard in a bank, when the local proctologist pulls out a rectal thermometer to sign a check

"some asshole must have my pen"

[swordsandtequila]

[stevek173]

[Smoke]

What's he difference between a Hispanic girlfriend and a Hispanic wife?

45 lbs

[Soxsfan9]

How do you blind Asian people?

Stick a windshield in front of them.

[mikejamm]

10 pts for a joke and you got over 6k in points you cheap bastard! That's a fuk'on joke rigtht there!My jokes are worth more than 10 fuk'in points!

[Soxsfan9]

What has 6 balls and screws everyone?

The Lottery!

[Seaweed]

What do you call a person who cries by the river?

Mikejamm.

[Wulfman14]

“I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.
I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.
She fainted.”

[Wulfman14]

[onemoregoal]

last one... very british;

A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked the manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his Manager, "Some fukker wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the same man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the Manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?" "Originally from Essex sir," the boy replied.

"Why did you leave Essex?" the manager asked. The boy answered, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex."
wow!!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?"

[Seaweed]

Smoke and Drinker walk into a bar, the bartender goes, what will you be having?

[Seaweed]

last one... very british;

A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked the manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his Manager, "Some fukker wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the same man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the Manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?" "Originally from Essex sir," the boy replied.

"Why did you leave Essex?" the manager asked. The boy answered, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex."
wow!!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?"

[onemoregoal]

its funny!

[pinnacle420]

A guy enters a bar with a gun..................................... ....................... "who had sex with my wife"-he snarled................................. ................ A voice is heard "you don't have enough bullets mate"

[fitguy67]

ok, all in one go...single cleverest play on word-definitions i've ever come across
__________

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac...

he stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog

[Wulfman14]

[Wulfman14]

^^^^^^^^^^not a joke but my friend sent it to me in an email. cracked me up. dont care about the pts. just wanna make us frustrated gamblers laugh a little.

[Chi_archie]

3-4 years ago I watched all the scare tactics nvids on youtube.

very fun

[Chi_archie]

Why did Michael Jackson have his Limo driver take him to JC Penny's at 110 mph the last august before his death?


he saw a commercial sawing Little Boys School Pants where HALF OFF

[yahoonino]

my father tought I was goin to be on astrounat ,,cause he talk to my teacher ,and he said ,,YOUR SON IN SCHOOL IT TAKE UP SPACE

[fitguy67]

this is one of the wittiest actual newspaper headlines of all time...
________________
a few decades ago in the Philippines (well over 90% catholic) a major scandal erupted when it was discovered, denied, then later verified that a priest had impregnated one of his parissioners...facing excommunication the priest had to pay a visit to the Arch-Bishop of the Philippines, Cardinal Sin to beg for forgiveness...

one newspaper ran this headline above photos of the the remorseful priest kissing the Cardinal's ring:

"Bless me Sin, for I have fathered"

[bradthebloke]

whats good on apple pie but not hair pie?

The crust.

[gauchojake]

How do you get a one armed pollock out of a tree?


Wave.

[mikejamm]

What do you call a dumb fuk who plays with his grandmother's colostomy bag because it's warm and squishy like boobies? Seaweed the virgin!

[Seaweed]

What do you call a dumb fuk who plays with his grandmother's colostomy bag because it's warm and squishy like boobies? Seaweed the virgin!

Can't believe The Giant gave you points for that sewage.