Tell me a joke and I'll reward you with 10 points if I laugh...

[Fidel_CashFlow]

why cant orphans play baseball ?






because they dont know where home is






whats easier to pick up the heavier it gets?


women



Whats the difference between a washing machine and a 17 year old?


I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me around for 3 months saying it loves me.

[Seaweed]

no no no no no no no NO!

[The Giant]

I made a couple more thousand points in the book tonight, so figured I'd give you boys some points.

Keep the jokes coming.

[Fidel_CashFlow]

fukk your coins Giant.

Will take a nomination though






You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: Hi asl

You: J0K3

You: j0k3

You: 3 kids are standing by a slide

You: the first kid goes down the slide and sayssss weeeeeeee

You: the second kid goes down the slide and says weeeeeeeeeeeee

You: the third kid...

You: colostomy bag

Stranger has disconnected.

[greenhippo]

Rodney Dangerfield:

I went to a psychiatrist, she said I was crazy. I told her I'd need a second opinion, she says 'well you're ugly too'

[greenhippo]

When I'm single and trying to pick up ladies I look for the ones with tattoos. Lets me know they're up for things they'll later regret.

[Jayvegas420]

Giant will have no points left after awarding Hippo the 20,000 points he deserve for those two jokes.
Gimme a sec, I gottta remember to breath.
I just can't stop laughing at those two jokes.
Gimme a sec to go wash the pants I just pissed in!
Wow.


-15000 Hippo is a virgin!

[Fidel_CashFlow]

Giant will have no points left after awarding Hippo the 20,000 points he deserve for those two jokes.
Gimme a sec, I gottta remember to breath.
I just can't stop laughing at those two jokes.
Gimme a sec to go wash the pants I just pissed in!
Wow.


-15000 Hippo is a virgin!

A vampire walks into a bar and sits down ... says to the bartender.

"Can you bring me a glass of hot water?"

" why hot water?" the bartender asks..."I thought vampires only drank blood? "

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "Im making tea"
























" hope he approves of my joke"

[tony_come]

^very funny

[greenhippo]

Someone get me a JayVegas update. Last I heard he went bust in Vegas while his wife was getting tag teamed up in Canada.

[Fidel_CashFlow]

I must have angered The Gigante

[The Giant]

You said you didn't want points.

You're a non-pro anyway. Points are worthless to you.

[Fidel_CashFlow]

You said you didn't want points.

You're a non-pro anyway. Points are worthless to you.

Correct. I never want any points from posters who are Pro's.

But I could of swore I said something about a nomination being ever so important from a person of your stature

Plus .... you mentioned something about "colostomy bag jokes" on page 1.

[The Giant]

I nominated post #144.

It's showing up weird.

[Fidel_CashFlow]

I nominated post #144.

It's showing up weird.

and 148

[Spanks]

you and seaweed are like liberace and matt damon by the pool

[sweep]

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[thunderous]

The Giant I don't want points for the following joke but I hope you like it

A guy suspected that his wife was cheating on him, so he hired a chinese detective....the cheapest one he could find.
This is his report:

Most honorable sir,

You leave house. I watch house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go hotel. I climb tree.
I look window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
I fall off tree.
I no see.

No fee,
Cheng lee

[In The Money]

A long but good one.....

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a "for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner."This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.



"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.



The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).



That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.



"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."



"No problem," he says. And in they go.



The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.



As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.



So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.



"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.



Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he stands up pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.



Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "I'll do the dishes, I'll do the dishes."

[In The Money]

A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis. Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis. The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?" The Jamaican replied, "No, Mr. that says Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day".

[Chuck Beezy]

A woman goes to see the doctor.

The doctor tells the woman to say "Aaaaaah".

"Why?" asks the woman.

To which the doctor replies, "My cat died."

[Chuck Beezy]

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese.

And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.

It's either my mum or my dad.

Or my older brother, Colin.

Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

[PAULYPOKER]

Dr. Phil is not a Doctor/psychiatrist.......

[DHB]

I was walking into Best Buy when I saw a midget walking out carrying a flat screen TV.

I asked him, "Are you going to be able to carry that TV by yourself?" He screams back, "Fuk you! It's an iPad!"

[CountNo_Account]

(Must be done in Gilbert Gottfried voice)


Seaweed walks into a bar and tells the bartender "Gimmee an Asshurt."

Bartender says "How do you make an Asshurt?"

Seaweed says "Well first you go to Giants house and you drink the Special Milkshake he made just for you.Then you wake up 3 hours later

face down on a mattress with your boxers down around your ankles.That's how you make an Asshurt."

(rimshot)

[TheRifleman]

A mexican and a negro are both in the back of a car. Who's driving?


whats







A cop.

[TheRifleman]

A mexican and a negro are both in the back of a car. Who's driving










A cop.

[TheRifleman]

Q: what is the smallest book in any library?








A: a book of women's accomplishments

[TheRifleman]

A white, a black guy, and a Mexican are on death row. They get to choose how they will die.

They get 3 choices. They can either be shot in the head, hung, or injected with AIDS. T

The white guy chooses to be shot in the head, so they shoot him.

The Mexican chooses to be hung, so they hang him.

The black guy chooses to be injected with AIDS, so they inject him.

Soon after they inject him, he starts laughing. He says "go ahead, inject me again".

So they inject him again and he laughs even harder and says "you idiots, I'm wearing a condom".

[TheRifleman]

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.

"Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks.


"No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."

[TheRifleman]

My friend said to me, "I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower."



"No, just your daughter's head," I replied.

[TheRifleman]

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!

[turtlejc]

Flight attending just asked me "Would you like some head phones?"

So I told her "Yes, how did you know my name was phones?"

[JR007]

what do you call a ****** in a sleeping bag ??? a mars bar

[mikefromsd]

Justin Beiber: "Hey Mom I think I finally reached puberty"!

Mom: "Really, How can you tell?"

Justin Beiber: "I'm bleeding from my vagina"!