How dumb am I?

[Cuse0323]

It could be worse? Only way it's worse is if you're dead.

Well yeah, but other things could be even worse now too. Car crash. Killing someone. My dog. House burned down.

[allabout the $$$]

Well yeah, but other things could be even worse now too. Car crash. Killing someone. My dog. House burned down.

All things that are reactions to your drug use. You are smoking crack I'm sorry it doesn't get worse than that. You're a junkie and need help. Its honestly disappointing to see someone this way.

[mikejamm]

Hang in there Cuse. Cannabis is good for knock’in the edge off man. I don’t think that CDB extract shit works bro. Never did anything for me. Might as well get the real ganja. Something to help you relax and keep calm.

[JAKEPEAVY21]

Hang in there Cuse. Cannabis is good for knock’in the edge off man. I don’t think that CDB extract shit works bro. Never did anything for me. Might as well get the real ganja. Something to help you relax and keep calm.

I was going to mention weed but I think he needs to go cold turkey off of everything for awhile.

Weed is enough for me, I rarely drink and maybe once a year i might take a pill or something.

[pablo222]

Was hoping this thread would be the opposite of you spiraling to the bottom.

Snap out of it.

[BigdaddyQH]

Since when has SBR turned into a soap opera for you guys? Enough is enough. Stop talking about your mom and your dog. Either do what the Doctor tells you to do or take residence on the street. Either way, just do it and stop crying about it in here.

[Big Bear]

Since when has SBR turned into a soap opera for you guys? Enough is enough. Stop talking about your mom and your dog. Either do what the Doctor tells you to do or take residence on the street. Either way, just do it and stop crying about it in here.

in the words of Aaron Rodgers R E L A X

[Cuse0323]

Since when has SBR turned into a soap opera for you guys? Enough is enough. Stop talking about your mom and your dog. Either do what the Doctor tells you to do or take residence on the street. Either way, just do it and stop crying about it in here.

I personally don’t think I’m crying. Probably though. But to me, just telling my story. There’s nothing y’all can do to help me. Is what it is. I’ll talk about my mom, and my dog all I want ya bitter fckin prick. I was late to the Doc, so got the option to go back tomorrow. Now I have a shot to flush my system out and pass the drug test. Probably not the Xanax, but not worried about that. I’ll get the H out easily. Crack has such a short half-life that it shouldn’t be hard either.

Look guys. I know I’ve said a lot, then didn’t live up to it. If it bothers you, then don’t read. Or read, and tell me that I’m worthless. Don’t care. I’m working on things here. It may not seem like it, but I am. Sometimes it takes a while. I can’t just snap my finger, and not be addicted to drugs and alcohol. Y’all see how I gamble, so how do you think I go about things with drugs?

[Cuse0323]

Been through some shit in my life then my girl finds anyway possible to not visit. It hurt me. Call me a bitch, but it sucks cause I can’t even talk to her. That’s not even remotely bad compared to shit I’ve dealt with. Yeah, we all do, but this is how I handled it. Fck it. Just need my job. One time baby! The 3-4K from her, and this fiasco hurts but it’s only money. Still do need a job. Haven’t ate in a while.

[Cuse0323]

[Big Bear]

Been through some shit in my life then my girl finds anyway possible to not visit. It hurt me. Call me a bitch, but it sucks cause I can’t even talk to her. That’s not even remotely bad compared to shit I’ve dealt with. Yeah, we all do, but this is how I handled it. Fck it. Just need my job. One time baby! The 3-4K from her, and this fiasco hurts but it’s only money. Still do need a job. Haven’t ate in a while.

May I suggest sales?

If you are willing to learn and trust me
(anybody can learn sales) there is a lot of money to be made.

I am not there yet but I am getting better and the paychecks are growing

When I first started sales I was probably the worst sales rep of all time

check out Grant Cardone, it’s definitely worth the investment. In fact you could even work for him at his Florida office

[Big Bear]

but cheer up bro take it one day at a time

think positive thoughts, good vibes

Don’t sweat a girl, if she aint acting right replace her. Took me a long time to learn that too...

[Cuse0323]

but cheer up bro take it one day at a time

think positive thoughts, good vibes

Don’t sweat a girl, if she aint acting right replace her. Took me a long time to learn that too...

She’s fine, but she had to go to detox then inpatient, so couldn’t make it down. But, I think deep down she sabotaged it to not have to fly. I still have my job, so all is well, but he knows something is up with my drugs/booze or whatever is making me exhausted and having it noticeable. So, smoking some crack at work tonight, and only a few drinks

[pablo222]

Damnit Cuser. I just wrote out a long well thought out response to you on mobile and my phone turned off.

Now just cliffs

"Just smoking crack" at work when they are watching you. C'mon man

A ton of people have showed you love and support here

When you first posted this I thought it was a turning point,not the live thread of you crashing and burning.

Be proud of what you have done last few months.

You have held down a job and talked about your goals. So what, about the fuckups. They are just hiccups if you can recover here.

It ain't easy but you have to pump the brakes right now.

I dont want to read about you as "Florda Man".

And I would like to meet you this fall.

Good luck and be strong

[The Kraken]

I can feel the love for Cuser in this thread. Its frustrating when you’re rooting for someone and they regress. But thats part of it. Cant just support someone when things are going well because thats not how recovery works. Its often more steps backwards than forwards.

I still believe this is a turning point thread, amongst Cusers honesty about his drug abuse has been him saying many times that he’s ready to quit and that he is going to quit...

Having just been through this shit myself, I can say right before I quit for good I hit new lows. No one believed in me, no one thought I would get clean, honestly nobody actually gave a fukk either way except me. Incared and I knew I was tired of being a junkie and feeling like shit all the time

I think Cuse is there. As Jake said, when we get off the elevator is up to us

[Chi_archie]

wishing you good luck Cuser

[Cuse0323]

wishing you good luck Cuser

Thanks archie. Now just one more miracle. Drink enough water to piss clean in 15 hours

[allabout the $$$]

QUOTE=Cuse0323;28835900]Nah. I can only do it with benzos or I’d freak out. It scares me. I’m done with it. Yeah, I’ve been saying that about everything. But, I’m not hanging out with these hustlers anymore. I’m fine without the money since my dog is alive, and I didn’t crash my Mom’s car or something. Or jail. Could be so much worse. I’ll work it out with my doctor and come up with a plan. AA oriented of course.[/QUOTE]

She’s fine, but she had to go to detox then inpatient, so couldn’t make it down. But, I think deep down she sabotaged it to not have to fly. I still have my job, so all is well, but he knows something is up with my drugs/booze or whatever is making me exhausted and having it noticeable. So, smoking some crack at work tonight, and only a few drinks

Seriously you are a junkie. I'm rooting so hard for you to get yourself right and more and more you are digging yourself a grave. Its pathetic you talk all this shit everyday and you are right back to sucking the glass dick. I pray you wake up every day at this rate I'd be surprised if you lasted 6 months

[Cuse0323]

Damnit Cuser. I just wrote out a long well thought out response to you on mobile and my phone turned off.

Now just cliffs

"Just smoking crack" at work when they are watching you. C'mon man

A ton of people have showed you love and support here

When you first posted this I thought it was a turning point,not the live thread of you crashing and burning.

Be proud of what you have done last few months.

You have held down a job and talked about your goals. So what, about the fuckups. They are just hiccups if you can recover here.

It ain't easy but you have to pump the brakes right now.

I dont want to read about you as "Florda Man".

And I would like to meet you this fall.

Good luck and be strong

Appreciate it, Pablo. My boss knows I’m doing drugs or something. He made it clear without saying it, and he’s gonna give me a shot to get it together. No more crack. Doing it in my car and three coworkers walk by. Then I got out the car once and my boss was hightailing it somewhere, not looking happy. He didn’t say anything negative after our early talk so hopefully I’m good. There’s dope head servers, cooks, everything. Crack, H, and they’re all potheads. No excuses though. We will meet in September if you’re around, unfortunately not for the Clemson game. I need to save every dollar just for Western Michigan unless I just don’t buy back my pawned shit. Who knows. I’ll work it out. Cheers.

[Cuse0323]

QUOTE=Cuse0323;28835900]Nah. I can only do it with benzos or I’d freak out. It scares me. I’m done with it. Yeah, I’ve been saying that about everything. But, I’m not hanging out with these hustlers anymore. I’m fine without the money since my dog is alive, and I didn’t crash my Mom’s car or something. Or jail. Could be so much worse. I’ll work it out with my doctor and come up with a plan. AA oriented of course.

Seriously you are a junkie. I'm rooting so hard for you to get yourself right and more and more you are digging yourself a grave. Its pathetic you talk all this shit everyday and you are right back to sucking the glass dick. I pray you wake up every day at this rate I'd be surprised if you lasted 6 months[/QUOTE]

Yeah I know I say one thing then do another. I guess just telling the story of a junkie. I don’t see why I die in 6 months when I’ve been 1,000x worse off than this, but maybe you’re right. Coke fcks with my heart. Never wanted to do it again. Got one hit left then that’s all she wrote. Time to pound water.

[Cuse0323]

I can feel the love for Cuser in this thread. Its frustrating when you’re rooting for someone and they regress. But thats part of it. Cant just support someone when things are going well because thats not how recovery works. Its often more steps backwards than forwards.

I still believe this is a turning point thread, amongst Cusers honesty about his drug abuse has been him saying many times that he’s ready to quit and that he is going to quit...

Having just been through this shit myself, I can say right before I quit for good I hit new lows. No one believed in me, no one thought I would get clean, honestly nobody actually gave a fukk either way except me. Incared and I knew I was tired of being a junkie and feeling like shit all the time

I think Cuse is there. As Jake said, when we get off the elevator is up to us

I do feel the love, and hate to make those people upset based on my poor decisions. Also, I do think I’m there, and this is a turning point. It is a process though. Getting a blowie from a whore, smoking crack, and shooting H and fent again weren’t great steps in my recovery. Oh, and the 2 grand or whatever down the drain. In Syracuse, I’d literally have enough crack and dope left to get high for a month or more. Coulda had 400 bags of fent. Fck. Maybe that saved me cause I was gonna hit the spot.

It’s really Xanax that fcks me. My favorite drugs are benzos. I love to relax. My anxiety is ridiculous. So, when I have Xanax I can do other drugs that I never could without a benzo. I have 14. Once I hit 10, it’s for getting off alcohol only. I know this all sounds dumb, but this is the mind of a derelict, drunk, drug addicted dope fiend. I’ve learned over the years how to do them without feeling bad afterwards. That would be benzos. I may be taking too many of them so when I quit the booze and am done with them then that will be interesting.

What else can I say? I can keep y’all updated, but you’re not gonna get good news for a few days, if that. Sorry to let you guys down. The support has helped. I almost brought that whore to dinner, but thought of $$$. Other things too. Appreciate y’all reading my garbage, and mostly supporting. I know who doesn’t support me based on the no replies, knowing they’ve read it. Oh well. I’m a dick anyway. Peace and love fellas.

If I don’t post by the end of tomorrow, then call my mom or some shit SBR. Gotta save my dog.

[Cuse0323]

These are the times I need a girl. Nothing to do.

[The Kraken]

Fwiw, I failed for years but eventually got it right. You’ll get there

[Cuse0323]

Fwiw, I failed for years but eventually got it right. You’ll get there

I hear ya. The drinking has been an issue for 15 years now. Obviously not as bad at 16-20, so we can just call it a decade of hardcore boozing. I’m really not worried about Xanax, that’s nothing. The crack, meh. I don’t know. I’m back on my subs, so the H is done. So basically I have to stop drinking like originally planned, and now stop smoking crack. I can’t blow my whole check on the shit. It’s so nice with some Xans in you though damn.

[Big Bear]

These are the times I need a girl. Nothing to do.

Try

Tinder
Bumble
Hinge

if all you need is a girl you could have one by early afternoon

[allabout the $$$]

Odds cuse does this by the weekend

Drinks
yes -100000
No +25000

Does drugs

Yes -1000000
No +25000

Smokes the glass dick

Yes -50000
No +10000

[Big Bear]

you can do it Cuser

#cusestrong

[Cuse0323]

Try

Tinder
Bumble
Hinge

if all you need is a girl you could have one by early afternoon

I’m on Tinder. Even bought gold or whatever, and nothing.

Tried Bumble too.

I’m not even an ugly guy. I’m average, and missing a tooth with more all fcked from years of not caring, but I’m a nice dude. I don’t know. I just don’t look good in pictures.

[Cuse0323]

Odds cuse does this by the weekend

Drinks
yes -100000
No +25000

Does drugs

Yes -1000000
No +25000

Smokes the glass dick

Yes -50000
No +10000

So by Friday? Or Saturday? Fck if it matters. Great value if you parlay every yes together. Extreme value on the yes on smoking the glass dick. That should be the highest odds. I may not drink. I will do Xanax.

[Cuse0323]

you can do it Cuser

#cusestrong

Thanks BB. Just gotta not croak throughout the weekend, and then I’ll get back on track. I have to spend damn $250 of my check to get the shit I pawned back. Everyone loves the ring, so I’m gonna sell that. Probably for crack. The table saw or whatever is moms and I cannot just leave that there. Ahhhhh fck. I’m getting real bad. Crack is fckin crazy, and I absolutely hate stimulants. It’s just smooth. I’m getting good shit, I believe. You just never wanna stop smoking it. It’s fckin insane. I always thought crackheads were just weak minded bitches.

Aaaaaand back to the disappointment in ole Cuser. Waiting on my subutex appointment, so we’ll see what ole doc says, and if he kicks
me off. If he does, then back to dope it is. Fck sub withdrawals.

I don’t get paid again for two weeks so I have to save something. To eat, and for gas. Shit like that. Could pawn my TV for $100 but then I gotta pay back $120 anyway.

So dumb reading what I write.

[allabout the $$$]

End of weekend you know that. You said extreme value smoking the glass dick yet the next post you write you say your gonna get crack

I came into this thread really pulling for you and I still am unfortunately I've come to the reality that your not ready for change.

[jts1207]

Cause if you get started heavy on crack you won't have a job for long and will be stealing from your friends and family. Won't end well.

[allabout the $$$]

Cause if you get started heavy on crack you won't have a job for long and will be stealing from your friends and family. Won't end well.

its 3 or 4 days in a row he is hooked

[The Kraken]

Good luck w/ the appt

My dr’s in OKC and Seattle are the only reason i kept using

When I moved from Seattle to Cali, the docs here refused to refill my oxy. Best thing to ever happen to me. I fukking hated the dr too, I laid around and suffered and blamed him

Hindsight is 20/20, gonna get that dude a hooker and an 8-ball on his bday

[Cuse0323]

Cause if you get started heavy on crack you won't have a job for long and will be stealing from your friends and family. Won't end well.

Nope. I don’t steal for drug money. Minus my attempt that was foiled quickly, and that was that. I have no friends, and my family is in NY. I pawn shit and sell personal items. Have nothing left. Used to have 60 pairs of Jordan’s. It’s all good though. Material shit ain’t shit. I think $$$ would interject here with a...well your life is.

Going to a party tonight. Got some H, fent, crack, Xans, and of course vodka. Hopefully some hoes show up. Not just the same crew of mostly dudes and their fat chick girls.

Don’t even care anymore, I’m having fun. Met
my man Shaky. Guy got it all, and deals for days. Legit mafcka. Half my check already gone, but oh well. I’m gonna get at it tonight, then tomorrow there’s this men’s group that does like outdoor activities and other shit to help each other stay sober. Meet people, and all that good shit. Maybe give that a shot.

My appointment went great. They’re so supportive there. Love my doc, he really cares. He gave me a hug and had me in tears cause he knows how much I’m struggling. Said what I’m dealing with would drive anyone to drink, and do sedatives like benzos. He didn’t seem to care much about the coke. I didn’t tell em crack.

Anyway, that’s my update. Been riding around all day getting shit done. For doing so much crack, I’m beat. My heart probably not doing so hot. Xanax and booze to the rescue.

I’m not trying to piss people off by being nonchalant about it. It just is what it is, at this point. I’ll be fine. Maybe the cops show up and take me in for my warrant. Who knows, could save me.