Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow.
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three people were standing by the campfire, arnold schwartzenegger, mr. T, and chuck norris. Arnold says "i am the toughest because i was in the terminator." Mr.T said"i am the toughest because i can beat rocky balboa in a boxing match." Chuck norris is sitting by the fire poking it with his cock.Comment -
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.Comment -
Funniest shit ive heard in a long time!!!Comment -
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 55 minutes having sex with his waitress.Comment -
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.Comment -
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.Comment -
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.Comment -
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.Comment -
Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.Comment -
Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class.Comment -
Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.Comment -
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.Comment -
Chuck Norris is a former #1 draft pick in the NFL. He immediately retired when they told him in training camp that a round house kick to the face was not a legal method of tackling. Enraged, he cursed the franchise to never ever make the playoffs. We know them as the Detroit Lions.Comment -
Chuck Norris did that to Michael Jackson's face.Comment -
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.Comment -
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by pointing at her and saying "Booyah".Comment -
The day you introduce your mom to Chuck Norris, is the day you mom introduces you to your biological father.Comment -
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.Comment -
Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.Comment -
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.Comment -
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fυck downComment -
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.Comment -
On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split
open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't fυcking think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."Comment -
Chuck Norris can do pushups with both hands behind his back.Originally posted by SBR_JohnComment -
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then trank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.Comment -
Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.Comment -
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.Comment -
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.Comment -
-In conversation, Chuck Norris often quotes himself, and then laughs about it.Comment -
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.Comment -
A man stopped Chuck Norris on the street and asked him to list 100 Chuck Norris facts. Unamused, Chuck Norris raised one eyebrow with such force that the man disintegrated.Comment -
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.Comment -
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.Comment