Need your help boys: Do I tell her I cheated?

[ShamsWoof10]

I broke the tie... Don't say sh*t... I am pretty honest and tried that honest role... IT DOESN'T WORK!!! I got f*cked so many times for being honest...

If you really want to be with her then don't say anything but if you are looking for a way out or to make some waves well this is your chance...

As far as getting tested...it's very unlikely you have anything so I wouldn't worry about it...

[swede96]

What Doc said is true.

Why cause that girl pain because of a mistake you made? All it will accomplish is alleviate the guys guilt, it won't make the girl feel any better. Chances are, it'll crush her. Why put her through that, what good will come of it? If she really cares about him, there's no reason to break her heart. And if he really cares about her, I know you're going to say "he'd NEVER have done it!", but this is the real world. Stuff happens that you don't intend. And if he does really not care about her, and cheats again, he should just get out of the relationship.

I'm sure you're convinced of that, but you are wrong. He already caused the pain, she just doesn't know about it yet. Men really need to get over themselves. A BF cheating on us makes us sad, angry, upset, etc... It does NOT crush us...especially after three months. She'll be fine. IF he cares and this was just a slip up, then telling her would prove that.

Yeah, he should get out....so how about telling her and letting it be her decision? Hell, it's a lot easier to say goodbye to a filthy cheater than a good guy that broke up with us for no reason.

[SBR Lou]

I'm sure you're convinced of that, but you are wrong. He already caused the pain, she just doesn't know about it yet.

Well, a lot of my approach centers around the fact that I'm a gutless coward who would never fess up to such a thing. I never ratted a friend out in my life, even when I took the fall on stuff. So I'm certainly not going to rat out myself for a few moments of indiscretion, and trust me if I was railing the chick, it would truly only be a few moments of indiscretion. Not worth ruining an entire relationship over.

[swede96]

I hear ya Swede, and agree completely. But what I'm just saying is that it is a 2 way street here. This thread of course deals with a guy's infidelity, and men can be "pigs" as the saying goes, believe me, I know.

It's just that women do the same of course, though perhaps not in as great numbers, who knows. Anyway, don't want to get in a whole debate, but this type of behaviour is not exclusive to the male of the species. For many, It's human nature, not just man-nature.....

Agreed, I'd be giving the same advice if the situation was reversed. However, women don't tend to do that "I'm protecting her feelings." cop out. Protecting her feelings would be keeping your dick in your pants. Men don't want to tell because they can't stand when we cry and they hate feeling like assholes...even when they are one.

When I was MUCH younger I cheated...and I didn't tell right away....did I claim it was to protect his feelings? Hell no. I didn't tell because:

1. I didn't want to lose my boyfriend.
2. I knew he wouldn't let me live it down.
3. He was cheating on me and I saw it as my revenge. I knew he'd never admit to HIS mistakes, so why should he get to hold my ONE over my head?

At least be a man and admit that you don't want to tell her because you're chicken shit.

[Sportsgirl]

Not worth ruining an entire relationship over.

When you cheat, there is no relationship.

[Junkyard Dog]

just tell her, karma's a bitch

[SBR Lou]

When you cheat, there is no relationship.

What if you're being cuckolded, and woman does not hide it?

[swede96]

Cool, we do not have a problem here!

My first piece of advice was to get tested immediately. He should not have unprotected sex with his nice girl till he knows he's clean. I think we can both agree on that.

Agreed.

If his tests are positive, he either has to: 1) not have sex with her until after he's treated or 2) he has to make sure he gets her treated if she's been exposed via unprotected intercourse before his test results are back. Surely we agree on that, as well.

Agreed.

If his STD tests are negative, I see no particular benefit for him to confess his sins to her. Just don't. My professional experience, and I mean as a doctor in private practice for more than 20 years, is that when men confess their sins of infidelity, it usually doesn't go well. I'm not saying it never goes well, I'm saying usually doesn't go well. It frequently leads to divorce which could have easily been avoided if the man had just kept his mouth shut and walked the straight and narrow in the future. It almost always leads to huge trust issues in the future.

NOT agreed. The divorce could have been avoided if the unfaithful party had kept their ZIPPER shut. Don't blame the honesty...blame the act. And of course it's not going to go well....what did he THINK would happen?! Also, it rightfully should lead to trust issues. IF a cheater is forgiven, they need to earn the trust back. Why shouldn't they?

Now, I have no problem with your taking issue with my suggestion that he see if his doc can "help him out" as it were and write his partner the appropriate antibiotics for a "UTI" to cover his GC/chlamydia. I don't do it all the time but I won't tell you that I've never done it, either.

Doc

Sorry Doc, I think that is just sick. STDs can cause fertility problems in women. They have a right to know what they've been exposed to. What if one of those women had contracted one of the cancer causing strains of HPV and left it untreated until her next exam thinking she was healthy? Is that "doing no harm"?

[swede96]

I broke the tie... Don't say sh*t... I am pretty honest and tried that honest role... IT DOESN'T WORK!!! I got f*cked so many times for being honest...

If you really want to be with her then don't say anything but if you are looking for a way out or to make some waves well this is your chance...

As far as getting tested...it's very unlikely you have anything so I wouldn't worry about it...

Wow, really Shams? Why did the movie "Kids" just pop into my head? Sure, everyone thinks like that, but you NEVER say it! That's like being in a horror flick and saying "I'll be right back"!

[swede96]

Well, a lot of my approach centers around the fact that I'm a gutless coward who would never fess up to such a thing. I never ratted a friend out in my life, even when I took the fall on stuff. So I'm certainly not going to rat out myself for a few moments of indiscretion, and trust me if I was railing the chick, it would truly only be a few moments of indiscretion. Not worth ruining an entire relationship over.

Then why rail the chick?

[swede96]

What if you're being cuckolded, and woman does not hide it?

I'm don't think I know what that means...

[Stumpage]

I'm don't think I know what that means...

Don't want to speak for Crazy here, but I too wasn't sure of the term. Anyway, according to Wikipedia:

Cuckold: A married man whose wife has sex with other men.

[Doc JS]

NOT agreed. The divorce could have been avoided if the unfaithful party had kept their ZIPPER shut. Don't blame the honesty...blame the act. And of course it's not going to go well....what did he THINK would happen?! Also, it rightfully should lead to trust issues. IF a cheater is forgiven, they need to earn the trust back. Why shouldn't they?

Well...we're just going to have to agree to disagree at least to a point. No arguement that the unfaithful party is responsible. But confessing your sins isn't going to get you anything but trouble - that's what I've seen over the past 20 years. Since I know you don't agree, you don't have to bother responding.

What if one of those women had contracted one of the cancer causing strains of HPV and left it untreated until her next exam thinking she was healthy? Is that "doing no harm"?

I think if you'll go back and read my response more carefully, you'll see that I was talking about GC/chlamydia which are easily treated with a variety of antibiotics.

HIV, Hep B, Hep C, HPV, herpes are completely different animals and would need to be handled with complete and total honesty.


Doc

[swede96]

[QUOTE=Doc JS;489747]Well...we're just going to have to agree to disagree at least to a point. No arguement that the unfaithful party is responsible. But confessing your sins isn't going to get you anything but trouble - that's what I've seen over the past 20 years. Since I know you don't agree, you don't have to bother responding.[/auote]

Oh, but I will. My point is that the cheater SHOULD be in trouble. You don't think so?

I think if you'll go back and read my response more carefully, you'll see that I was talking about GC/chlamydia which are easily treated with a variety of antibiotics.

HIV, Hep B, Hep C, HPV, herpes are completely different animals and would need to be handled with complete and total honesty.


Doc

GC/chlamydia can cause fertility issues too. Also, when you have something like that, you need to be checked after a few weeks to make sure the antibiotics worked, right? How do you explain to a girl that she needs to go get a follow up STD test after being treated for a "UTI". I really hope women aren't stupid enough to believe that you need anitbiotics for a UTI when you have no symptoms.

[swede96]

Don't want to speak for Crazy here, but I too wasn't sure of the term. Anyway, according to Wikipedia:

Cuckold: A married man whose wife has sex with other men.

If that's the case, get out...or discuss having an open relationship and set some ground rules for it.

[ShamsWoof10]

Well...we're just going to have to agree to disagree at least to a point. No arguement that the unfaithful party is responsible. But confessing your sins isn't going to get you anything but trouble - that's what I've seen over the past 20 years. Since I know you don't agree, you don't have to bother responding.


I think if you'll go back and read my response more carefully, you'll see that I was talking about GC/chlamydia which are easily treated with a variety of antibiotics.

HIV, Hep B, Hep C, HPV, herpes are completely different animals and would need to be handled with complete and total honesty.


Doc

Doc. or no Doc. 20 years or 20 days...

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!

Let me tell you guys something... It's not like married women don't cheat believe me... I have been with 7 married women.... that I can remember and batting 1000... Not one time did the husband find out... The reason is because a guy is content as long as he gets laid... A woman wants more and will do things like call the house... I did what they told me ...when they told me...

and ....WOMEN KEEP THEIR MOUTH SHUT!!!

My one friend with the off the charts IQ told me that the CIA did a DNA experiment in a (I think it was Minnesota hospital) on newborns to see how many matched the DNA of the claimed father... This was in the mid 50's and secretly done... He claims 53% did not match the fathers DNA! I don't know this to be true or false...

[Doc JS]

Oh, but I will...

Just like a woman! LOL

GC/chlamydia can cause fertility issues too. Also, when you have something like that, you need to be checked after a few weeks to make sure the antibiotics worked, right? How do you explain to a girl that she needs to go get a follow up STD test after being treated for a "UTI".

I do not, and no GYN's that I know, routinely recheck women after they are treated for uncomplicated GC/chlamydia.

I'm done here.

Doc

[pavyracer]

You don't have to tell her. She will find out in 9 months when you become a father.

[swede96]

Doc. or no Doc. 20 years or 20 days...

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!

Let me tell you guys something... It's not like married women don't cheat believe me... I have been with 7 married women.... that I can remember and batting 1000... Not one time did the husband find out... The reason is because a guy is content as long as he gets laid... A woman wants more and will do things like call the house... I did what they told me ...when they told me...

and ....WOMEN KEEP THEIR MOUTH SHUT!!!

I never claimed women don't cheat...or that they don't lie about it...but at least we're honest enough to admit that we're lying to protect our own ass, not "protect his feelings".

[ShamsWoof10]

Wow, really Shams? Why did the movie "Kids" just pop into my head? Sure, everyone thinks like that, but you NEVER say it! That's like being in a horror flick and saying "I'll be right back"!

Well of course you recalled that movie.. Why would that surprise me..?

My x (genuine one) has clametia once and she instantly blammed me... I felt bad I thought it was me too... We both went to get tested... They gave me all this bullsh*t about HIV and Aids... Of course test results are not instant so they gave me some drink and it was the most horrible thing... It didn't just taste bad it gave me stomach craps for hours that I have never felt before or since then... It turned out she got it from a baterial infection... I WAS F*CKIN' PISSED!!!

If I knew then what I know now I would have told those docs. to go f*ck themselves when talking to me about this AIDS bullsh*t...

[swede96]

I do not, and no GYN's that I know, routinely recheck women after they are treated for uncomplicated GC/chlamydia.

I'm done here.

Doc

Please give me their names so I can make sure I never end up on their tables. A GOOD doctor would re-check. I don't know any that don't.

[Doc JS]

Please give me their names so I can make sure I never end up on their tables. A GOOD doctor would re-check. I don't know any that don't.

You're in Rhode Island. I think you're safe!

Doc

[ShamsWoof10]

You don't have to tell her. She will find out in 9 months when you become a father.

Maybe... I have a friend that recently got a girl pregnant who lives with her boyfriend... I don't know what happen with it and I don't want to ask but the last thing he told me was they were just going to stop seeing each other and the baby will be born and raised by the boyfriend she is living with and he won't be the wiser thinking the child is his...

How honest did you say women were..?

I don't know if that study the CIA did is right but I know of one case that is....

[swede96]

Well of course you recalled that movie.. Why would that surprise me..?

My x (genuine one) has clametia once and she instantly blammed me... I felt bad I thought it was me too... We both went to get tested... They gave me all this bullsh*t about HIV and Aids... Of course test results are not instant so they gave me some drink and it was the most horrible thing... It didn't just taste bad it gave me stomach craps for hours that I have never felt before or since then... It turned out she got it from a baterial infection... I WAS F*CKIN' PISSED!!!

If I knew then what I know now I would have told those docs. to go f*ck themselves when talking to me about this AIDS bullsh*t...

The liquid anitbiotic that tastes like sidewalk chalk? Yeah, that crap is the worst. They actually have the nerve to say it's Cherry flavored too. I was sick the whole next day too.

IF they you're ever in that situation again, tell them no. They don't have to give you that shit. You can take a z-pack all in one dose (a 5-day antibiotic). You'll feel like crap, but at least you don't have to drink chalk.

[swede96]

Maybe... I have a friend that recently got a girl pregnant who lives with her boyfriend... I don't know what happen with it and I don't want to ask but the last thing he told me was they were just going to stop seeing each other and the baby will be born and raised by the boyfriend she is living with and he won't be the wiser thinking the child is his...

How honest did you say women were..?

I don't know if that study the CIA did is right but I know of one case that is....

Well, your buddy and his little slut are horrendous, selfish people if you ask me. What happens if the little bundle of joy developes a hereditary medical condition? That poor poor man that will be raising a child he thinks is his....and what did the innocent child do to deserve being lied to its whole life?

[The Seer]

Dude, seriously?

That's a cop-out and you know it, Seer. It destroys a girl's self image more to be lied to. Not telling her the truth and finding a stupid reason to break up with her would be to protect his own image, not hers. Look at it this way: When her friends ask "What ever happened to that guy you were dating?" It's better for her to be able to say: "He cheated on me so I dumped his ass." than to say: "I don't know. He broke up with me. He says he was just too busy at work (or insert any other lame excuse)" It doesn't destroy a girl's coinfidence to be cheated on...it's FAR more hurtful to think it's something we did...or he's just not into us, etc...

We really cannot STAND when guys blow us off and claim it's for our own good....or lie to us to protect our feelings. It's bullshit. You lie to protect your own feelings. You lie because you don't want to feel bad about YOURSELF. You don't want to deal with the pain you inflict with your irresponsible actions. I have been cheated on more than I'd like to admit....mostly by one person. He lied...constantly...in fact, we talk from time to time and he still denies it. He's not doing it for me. I have BEGGED for the truth...even since we've been over and he had nothing to lose. I've told him time and time again that it tears me apart that after all we've been through, he can't just tell me the truth. He'll take it to the grave. Why? Because he feels like an asshole. Ultimately, I broke up with him because I knew and I just couldn't trust him. We know these things...lie all you want, women's intuition is real. As long as he doesn't admit it, in his mind he had his heart broken by an insecure bitch. As soon as he admits he cheated, by fears were valid and he got what he deserved.

I see your point. I never looked at it that way but I don't go around cheating on girls either.

[ShamsWoof10]

Well, your buddy and his little slut are horrendous, selfish people if you ask me. What happens if the little bundle of joy developes a hereditary medical condition? That poor poor man that will be raising a child he thinks is his....and what did the innocent child do to deserve being lied to its whole life?

Oh believe me I agree 100%... He is very selfish!!!

That being said you can't call some "WOMEN" and others "SLUTS" or "TRASH" because they didn't go by a standard.. They are still "WOMEN"!!

This one will likely keep it quiet to her man forever! Women keep their mouth shut! I don't believe as a whole women tell so why should men..?

[ShamsWoof10]

The liquid anitbiotic that tastes like sidewalk chalk? Yeah, that crap is the worst. They actually have the nerve to say it's Cherry flavored too. I was sick the whole next day too.

IF they you're ever in that situation again, tell them no. They don't have to give you that shit. You can take a z-pack all in one dose (a 5-day antibiotic). You'll feel like crap, but at least you don't have to drink chalk.

Thanks!

When I was a kid I looked at doctors like most look at the media/goverment... I loved going to doctors of all kinds because I felt they always knew everything on how to take care of me...

THIS IS SOOOO UNTRUE!!! F*CK THEM and their greedy drug pushin' as*es!

[swede96]

Oh believe me I agree 100%... He is very selfish!!!

That being said you can't call some "WOMEN" and others "SLUTS" or "TRASH" because they didn't go by a standard.. They are still "WOMEN"!!

This one will likely keep it quiet to her man forever! Women keep their mouth shut! I don't believe as a whole women tell so why should men..?

I see what you're saying, but I don't agree. A real woman would be honest and take what's coming to her in this case, because that would be best for her child. Yeah, women and men both lie to protect their own asses sometimes, but that piece of scum has more than her own ass to think about. No matter how you twist it around, the best thing for her child is for the truth to come out now....and a woman puts her children first...always...and for almost the same reasons, your friend is a selfish little boy, not a man. I know he's your friend, but he needs to stop being a toolbag and own up to his responsabilities.

[swede96]

Thanks!

When I was a kid I looked at doctors like most look at the media/goverment... I loved going to doctors of all kinds because I felt they always knew everything on how to take care of me...

THIS IS SOOOO UNTRUE!!! F*CK THEM and their greedy drug pushin' as*es!

Hell yes, they are. That liquid evil is the perfect example. Do you know why they gave you that instead of pills? Because is new and the drug companies need to test it out...so the doctors get little rewards for perscribing it. Did you also get the survey and mail-in rebate with it?

[Deuce]

Note to self, never raw dawg a broad I met at the BJ tables in Vegas.

[ShamsWoof10]

I see what you're saying, but I don't agree. A real woman would be honest and take what's coming to her in this case, because that would be best for her child. Yeah, women and men both lie to protect their own asses sometimes, but that piece of scum has more than her own ass to think about. No matter how you twist it around, the best thing for her child is for the truth to come out now....and a woman puts her children first...always...and for almost the same reasons, your friend is a selfish little boy, not a man. I know he's your friend, but he needs to stop being a toolbag and own up to his responsabilities.

As far as my friend I completely agree... No offense taken believe me... He was having difficulty with his original gf and actually has the nerve to call me and say sh*t like "I am such a great person I don't know why this happens to me I will do anything for anyone "... I'm a d*ck but not big of a d*ck.. Believe me I want to say things but I figure what differance would it make...

As far as the female.. Well if she is not a woman then there is this hybrid-breed that look just like them and for the last 20+ years they have been taking the US by storm...

Hell yes, they are. That liquid evil is the perfect example. Do you know why they gave you that instead of pills? Because is new and the drug companies need to test it out...so the doctors get little rewards for perscribing it. Did you also get the survey and mail-in rebate with it?

HAHA look at you! I got the survey but no rebate... I got screwed a few ways... Yeah that was unbelievable cramping.. I kept thinking.."is this what a woman feels during that time of the month.. if so she can b*tch all she wants now "...

They go to school for most of their lives and still don't know to wash their hands in "WARM" water before examing/touching you....

[swede96]

As far as my friend I completely agree... No offense taken believe me... He was having difficulty with his original gf and actually has the nerve to call me and say sh*t like "I am such a great person I don't know why this happens to me I will do anything for anyone "... I'm a d*ck but not big of a d*ck.. Believe me I want to say things but I figure what differance would it make...

As far as the female.. Well if she is not a woman then there is this hybrid-breed that look just like them and for the last 20+ years they have been taking the US by storm...

Hey, it may make a difference if one of this guys friends said "You're acting like a scumbag." But I don't know him, so I have no idea.

Yes, I'm sure she's a female, but not a woman...not if she isn't even considering the effect of her lies on her boyfriend and more importantly, her child.

You know, I was made fun of for calling my boyfriend "my man" in another thread. I guess the reason I do that is this: I have had many BOYfriends, but he is the first one I consider to be a real MAN. Having a penis doesn't make one a man just like having a vagina doesn't make one a woman.

HAHA look at you! I got the survey but no rebate... I got screwed a few ways... Yeah that was unbelievable cramping.. I kept thinking.."is this what a woman feels during that time of the month.. if so she can b*tch all she wants now "...

They go to school for most of their lives and still don't know to wash their hands in "WARM" water before examing/touching you....

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I got $4 out of the deal. Your loss. That would have made it ALL worth it, right?

Trust me, women--err--FEMALES go through much worth every month, but thank you for your understanding.

And sweetheart, you don't have to tell me about cold hands...were you aware that the instrament of torture they use to examine us is METAL?!

[BAUS]

Is this a true story?

100% true.

BAUS

[BAUS]

He said they have unprotected sex... huge red flag if he comes back from vegas and starts using condoms with his girl... I agree though you definitely dont want to get her sick and its only fair to her. I say get checked ASAP

Exactly. I can't say tonight 'baby maybe we should start wearing condoms". She'll know what's up...

If I went today to the STD clinic and got tested I wouldn't have my results for 5 business days. (Canadian health care system )

She will smell a rat if we don't have sex for 1 week....

BAUS