Tell me a joke and I'll reward you with 10 points if I laugh...

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  • Wulfman14
    SBR Hall of Famer
    • 08-24-10
    • 8869

    #36
    it was the first day of school and a new indian student named prakash kumar entered the 4th grade.
    the teacher said "let s begin by reviewing some american history. who said give me liberty or give me death?"
    the whole class was silent except for prakash who had his hand up. "patrick henry, 1775" he said.

    teacher says "very good! who said government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth? "

    again no response except from prakash, "abraham lincoln, 1863"

    the teacher snapped at the class. "Class you should be ashamed of yourself. Prakash, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do ! "

    SHe heard a loud whisper. " fuk the indians." teacher says " who said that"


    once again prakash's hand goes up " general custer,1962 "

    now furious another student yells " oh yea? suck this !"

    Prakash jumps out of his chair , waving his hands and shouts to the teacher "bill clinton to monica lewinsky, 1997. "


    now with almost mob hysteria another student says "you little shit. if you say anything else , ill kill you."

    prakash yells at the top of his voice "michael jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004"

    the teacher fainted. as the class gathered around the teacher , one student said "oh shit , we're screwed."

    Prakash says quietly, "i think it was lehmann brothers, nov 4th, 2008."
    Comment
    • edawg
      SBR MVP
      • 07-09-11
      • 2820

      #37
      What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe






      A canoe tips
      Comment
      • pulledclear
        SBR Hall of Famer
        • 02-19-12
        • 6684

        #38
        Reemers teeth are so fcked up he has to suck Macdummies dck sideways?
        Comment
        • onemoregoal
          SBR Hall of Famer
          • 02-04-13
          • 8149

          #39
          A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

          'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

          'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

          'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

          'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

          The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'
          Comment
          • daneblazer
            BARRELED IN @ SBR!
            • 09-14-08
            • 27861

            #40
            Comment
            • Wulfman14
              SBR Hall of Famer
              • 08-24-10
              • 8869

              #41
              this one was ac tually a rea life incident bet ween my mom and brother many moons ago. i remember it and still laugh.

              mom- " stop acting black , pull your pants up and stop talking like they do you stupid kid"

              brother - " momma im only black from the waist down."
              Comment
              • pinnacle420
                SBR Hall of Famer
                • 10-01-12
                • 6254

                #42
                Originally posted by Seaweed
                Inappropriate.
                Comment
                • pulledclear
                  SBR Hall of Famer
                  • 02-19-12
                  • 6684

                  #43
                  Reemers teeth are so big he once fcked a Grand Piano.
                  Comment
                  • swordsandtequila
                    SBR Hall of Famer
                    • 02-23-12
                    • 9758

                    #44
                    .......
                    Comment
                    • fitguy67
                      SBR Hall of Famer
                      • 03-13-11
                      • 5082

                      #45
                      overheard in a bank, when the local proctologist pulls out a rectal thermometer to sign a check

                      "some asshole must have my pen"
                      Comment
                      • swordsandtequila
                        SBR Hall of Famer
                        • 02-23-12
                        • 9758

                        #46
                        Originally posted by daneblazer

                        Comment
                        • stevek173
                          BARRELED IN @ SBR!
                          • 03-29-08
                          • 27598

                          #47
                          Comment
                          • Smoke
                            SBR Aristocracy
                            • 10-09-09
                            • 48111

                            #48
                            What's he difference between a Hispanic girlfriend and a Hispanic wife?

                            45 lbs
                            Comment
                            • Soxsfan9
                              SBR MVP
                              • 11-30-08
                              • 3705

                              #49
                              How do you blind Asian people?

                              Stick a windshield in front of them.
                              Comment
                              • mikejamm
                                SBR Posting Legend
                                • 08-24-09
                                • 11047

                                #50
                                10 pts for a joke and you got over 6k in points you cheap bastard! That's a fuk'on joke rigtht there!My jokes are worth more than 10 fuk'in points!
                                Comment
                                • Soxsfan9
                                  SBR MVP
                                  • 11-30-08
                                  • 3705

                                  #51
                                  What has 6 balls and screws everyone?

                                  The Lottery!
                                  Comment
                                  • Seaweed
                                    BARRELED IN @ SBR!
                                    • 01-19-12
                                    • 26318

                                    #52
                                    What do you call a person who cries by the river?

                                    Mikejamm.
                                    Comment
                                    • Wulfman14
                                      SBR Hall of Famer
                                      • 08-24-10
                                      • 8869

                                      #53
                                      “I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’
                                      So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
                                      ‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.
                                      Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
                                      ‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.
                                      She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.
                                      I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.
                                      She fainted.”
                                      Comment
                                      • Wulfman14
                                        SBR Hall of Famer
                                        • 08-24-10
                                        • 8869

                                        #54
                                        Comment
                                        • onemoregoal
                                          SBR Hall of Famer
                                          • 02-04-13
                                          • 8149

                                          #55
                                          last one... very british;

                                          A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked the manager about the matter.

                                          Walking into the back room, the boy said to his Manager, "Some fukker wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the same man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

                                          The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the Manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?" "Originally from Essex sir," the boy replied.

                                          "Why did you leave Essex?" the manager asked. The boy answered, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex."

                                          wow!!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?"
                                          Comment
                                          • Seaweed
                                            BARRELED IN @ SBR!
                                            • 01-19-12
                                            • 26318

                                            #56
                                            Smoke and Drinker walk into a bar, the bartender goes, what will you be having?
                                            Comment
                                            • Seaweed
                                              BARRELED IN @ SBR!
                                              • 01-19-12
                                              • 26318

                                              #57
                                              Originally posted by onemoregoal
                                              last one... very british;

                                              A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked the manager about the matter.

                                              Walking into the back room, the boy said to his Manager, "Some fukker wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the same man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

                                              The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the Manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?" "Originally from Essex sir," the boy replied.

                                              "Why did you leave Essex?" the manager asked. The boy answered, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex."

                                              wow!!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?"
                                              Comment
                                              • onemoregoal
                                                SBR Hall of Famer
                                                • 02-04-13
                                                • 8149

                                                #58
                                                its funny!
                                                Comment
                                                • pinnacle420
                                                  SBR Hall of Famer
                                                  • 10-01-12
                                                  • 6254

                                                  #59
                                                  A guy enters a bar with a gun..................................... ....................... "who had sex with my wife"-he snarled................................. ................ A voice is heard "you don't have enough bullets mate"
                                                  Comment
                                                  • fitguy67
                                                    SBR Hall of Famer
                                                    • 03-13-11
                                                    • 5082

                                                    #60
                                                    ok, all in one go...single cleverest play on word-definitions i've ever come across
                                                    __________

                                                    Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac...

                                                    he stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog
                                                    Comment
                                                    • Wulfman14
                                                      SBR Hall of Famer
                                                      • 08-24-10
                                                      • 8869

                                                      #61
                                                      Comment
                                                      • Wulfman14
                                                        SBR Hall of Famer
                                                        • 08-24-10
                                                        • 8869

                                                        #62
                                                        ^^^^^^^^^^not a joke but my friend sent it to me in an email. cracked me up. dont care about the pts. just wanna make us frustrated gamblers laugh a little.
                                                        Comment
                                                        • Chi_archie
                                                          SBR Aristocracy
                                                          • 07-22-08
                                                          • 63172

                                                          #63
                                                          3-4 years ago I watched all the scare tactics nvids on youtube.

                                                          very fun
                                                          Comment
                                                          • Chi_archie
                                                            SBR Aristocracy
                                                            • 07-22-08
                                                            • 63172

                                                            #64
                                                            Why did Michael Jackson have his Limo driver take him to JC Penny's at 110 mph the last august before his death?


                                                            he saw a commercial sawing Little Boys School Pants where HALF OFF
                                                            Comment
                                                            • yahoonino
                                                              SBR MVP
                                                              • 08-10-07
                                                              • 2651

                                                              #65
                                                              my father tought I was goin to be on astrounat ,,cause he talk to my teacher ,and he said ,,YOUR SON IN SCHOOL IT TAKE UP SPACE
                                                              Comment
                                                              • fitguy67
                                                                SBR Hall of Famer
                                                                • 03-13-11
                                                                • 5082

                                                                #66
                                                                this is one of the wittiest actual newspaper headlines of all time...
                                                                ________________
                                                                a few decades ago in the Philippines (well over 90% catholic) a major scandal erupted when it was discovered, denied, then later verified that a priest had impregnated one of his parissioners...facing excommunication the priest had to pay a visit to the Arch-Bishop of the Philippines, Cardinal Sin to beg for forgiveness...

                                                                one newspaper ran this headline above photos of the the remorseful priest kissing the Cardinal's ring:

                                                                "Bless me Sin, for I have fathered"
                                                                Comment
                                                                • bradthebloke
                                                                  SBR MVP
                                                                  • 07-26-09
                                                                  • 3175

                                                                  #67
                                                                  whats good on apple pie but not hair pie?

                                                                  The crust.
                                                                  Comment
                                                                  • gauchojake
                                                                    BARRELED IN @ SBR!
                                                                    • 09-17-10
                                                                    • 34117

                                                                    #68
                                                                    How do you get a one armed pollock out of a tree?


                                                                    Wave.
                                                                    Comment
                                                                    • mikejamm
                                                                      SBR Posting Legend
                                                                      • 08-24-09
                                                                      • 11047

                                                                      #69
                                                                      What do you call a dumb fuk who plays with his grandmother's colostomy bag because it's warm and squishy like boobies? Seaweed the virgin!
                                                                      Comment
                                                                      • Seaweed
                                                                        BARRELED IN @ SBR!
                                                                        • 01-19-12
                                                                        • 26318

                                                                        #70
                                                                        Originally posted by mikejamm
                                                                        What do you call a dumb fuk who plays with his grandmother's colostomy bag because it's warm and squishy like boobies? Seaweed the virgin!
                                                                        Can't believe The Giant gave you points for that sewage.
                                                                        Comment
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