JJ GOLD Day 2012 - Roast forum mascot JJ Gold!

[ttwarrior1]

Fav post

jjgold - massage parlour etiquette

1. Go In
2. Strip Down real fast..well at least I do because I want to fuk around
3. Tell her to strip and ask can take your clothes off Sugar
4. She will tell you to lay down on your stomach
5. I always tilt my head to see what she is doing and making sure she is not taping it
6. She ill rub your back and then work her way to your thighs and then the inner thighs to get you fukkin hard
7. She then will start stroking your rooster and kind of lead you in the direction of turning you over onto your back
8. Then she rubs your chest a little and your hard as a fukkin rock
9, She starts stroking your rooster and prays you come fast so you get the fuk out, I come within 20 seconds
10. If not she will lead you to like and she usually says " what a you wanna do....
11. Say lets fuk so then you go back to your clothes and get $100 out and just kind of lay it in her pussy or chest
12. She then puts rubber on you..rides you screaming but faking and saying you gonna *** big boy?
13. So you can do what you like,,most guys ***..some ask for blowjobs..etc
14. You can point her down to your rooster and rap another 40 around your rooster and she will suck it
15. Its all standard and plain, very few get into it

I payed $1100 once to *** inside her without a condom was worth it

Sometimes some get kinky and will do strap on play,soft core love making, anal beads either way
I know a guy that wanted anal beads put in him and she wanted $400 more and he did but string of the beards broke and he was filled up or what we call tanking the horn whereas you cannot get beads out of your ass as you need to go to a fukkin dr..kid was so embarrassed because no way to get out of that one in office

So hard to describe because every scene different although most boring..massage and hand job only $150 or so

[19th Hole]

JJ ONE LINER

QUOTE=jjgold;14841478]fuk me... Hate having 2.5 inch rooster[/QUOTE]

[19th Hole]

JJ's Greatest Hits



Bashing me is fine

My job is to protect solid posters getting harassed

Shari will do enforcement, I am her spy

[19th Hole]

JJ One Liner

"Bronxer you still wear feet pajamas??"

[iifold]

jjgold greatest hit:

circa 2004

" Hi boys first off hello. I check the board out once a day to keep up to date on the issues. As you know I am playing poker professionally now and well things are not going as well as I expected. I have dropped 16,000 so far and lucky I have a guy sponsoring me so I have been lucky. I do not know how long this guy is going to fund me because I keep promising solid returns in the future. Some has been a bad run of the cards and other times I just bluff and currently have a streak of 94 hands in a row of staying in. I bluff 78% of the time and guys not giving in. The other night I had 10 high only and with a $4000 pot and everyone folded except this one drunk from England and he beat me with a pair of 10's.

Well I got so mad at him and got thrown out of ladbrokes for threatening to kill him. I was just trying to intimidate him to fold and he would not give in. My strategy of threatening players has worked on and off and I have told other players to leave game or I am coming for him. Some good players would leave but this one guy turned me in and copy and pasted my threats to management and now I am banned there and 3 other poker rooms.

Paradise I got thrown out after 5 days for telling three players they were gay and like it in the ass. What babies to tell customer service.

So many poker players are cowards unlike sportsbettors and don't like the heat of the game. I like using intimidation and I do not know why that is unethical or illegal. I do not see it in the rules.


Finally hanging in there in baseball and the big news is I got a job hanging coats (coat checker) at a restaurant and making decent money which also prevents me from posting much anymore. I cleared $200 last night and then went over to a street dice game on 6th street and built it to 2 dimes and treated myself to 2 sundaes and 3 ice cream cones with chocolate sprinkles. My rug is not holding up so good with the warm weather because the glue comes through the net and any time I touch my forhead or head my fingers get all fukkin glue and shit on them and the hair gets all glue and shit in it like globs but I hide it well.

Still cannot get women to even touch my pecker so the streak continues

My debt right now is 64 Dimes but I should be paid up by Christmas and I expect big poker gains very soon.

I am a professional player that is just on a bad run and it happens to the best of them.

Talk to you boys another time and good luck with your plays. I am now off to the poker rooms now.


Peep I will see you in Knoxville this summer for the Linux convention."

Favorite One-Liner:

"Diamond Dozen"

[aceking]

JJ's Greatest Hits:

http://www.therxforum.com/showthread.php?t=569180&p=5203854&highlight=#post5203854

"When I was like 15 or so I was 347 pounds and got whipped with milk weeds by hot girls and some of their boyfriends, I think maybe that is where I get my anger from."

[aceking]

Best JJ one-liners:

http://www.therxforum.com/showthread.php?t=567719&p=5183067&highlight=#post5183067

"Fishhead you still have a piece of those go go bars in Tampa?"

http://www.therxforum.com/showthread.php?t=565286&p=5154211&highlight=#post5154211

"Usually girls that smoke are probably a little better in bed than girls that do not, smoking in a woman is a sign of agression."

[MoneyLineDawg]

Funny JJ Post:


am drunk

rarely do I drink like this

Fukkin Mom called me a punk today and it got me down

" Grow up little man........you always looked like a fukkin weirdo"

Samantha Corbin



JJ One Liner:

"COMMON!" (Instead of Come On!)

"Blackmarked by a bookmaker!"

[Checkerboard]

Was jj born on American soil?

[Kaabee]

jj gold greatest hit for 50 fp

boys I am an expereinced archerer and I have carried a bow and arrow on the street for several years. I am a sharpshooter with this thing and use it to protect both myself and my bankroll. I now want to take my game to another level and get off the streets of newark and into the jungles of the africa. My ententions is to kill a rino one because they are the toughest and baddest like me and also their horn is supposed to be good for pekker problems thats right boys I have problems getting my junk going but I make up for it with my skillfull tung. If I killed a rino with my arrow then the women would be impressed and I could use the ground up horn to get my blood flowing again. I have thought about getting a surgary on it but now the money would be better spent going to africa. Boys I am a sharp gambler and I clear about 10 dimes a week so money is no problem. Where is the best place to kill a rino with an arrow in africa? Is anybody going soon and can I tag along? I make really good pimento cheese sanwiches and I would be happy to bring some for everybody.

ps I also wear a piece on my head and I am afraid that the glue might melt in the hot african sun. I never go without my piece because I like to look sharp at all times but if it is going to be a problem I could leave it at home for a few days and just put on a pit helmet or whatever you wear.

[Kaabee]

jj one liners

call me

As far as looks are concerned I got dealt 11 cards instead of like 47 cards

[Bcatswin]

JJgold "BCATS I can see you dating a hooker

I will never forget when you stared at camera for 2 hrs in chat and never said a word

It was the strangest thing I have ever seen"

jj and his lies. where the hell was this said.

[Bcatswin]

jjgold[COLOR=#102446 !important]Shari #1

SBR PROJoin Date: 07-20-05
Posts: 125,681
SBR Points: 216

Message Me

[/COLOR]

TTWARRIOR we will discuss our strategy on phone

Your the strongest and most athletic guy at sbr

[Bcatswin]

Warning To Smokey And Shady:

Get off my fukkin back

Not playing anymore

-jj

[Bcatswin]

SBR PROJoin Date: 07-20-05
Posts: 125,681
SBR Points: 216

Message Me

What I have noticed about the internet is every guy is a welterweight champ, mafia guy, gang guy, street guy and never lost a fight



Need I say more?

[Dad]

JJ's Greatest Hits (Posted in my 'Foot Fetish' thread):

Many say if you like sucking feet welllllllllllllllllllllllllllll a little story

Danny Sherleim had a foot fetish and use to pay girls to suck their feet. He really got into it also.
Well approx 7 months later we were at a friends house and I was under bed handing on rails to see if Danny was up to anything with a chick and sucking her feet. I heard the sucking noises and some moaning. I was dying to see if girl was hot, I did get a few glimpses and it was a FUKKIN GUY, he was sucking a guys rooster and slapping it on his fukkin face. It was sick, I watched this for 20 minutes as I was hanging under the fukkin bed, the older guy eventually came on guys face and they both were worried about getting caught. It was hilarious and pretended they were watching porn flicks when others entered the room. They got away with it. To this day he was sucking cocks like crazy.................point of story if you have a foot fetish you like sucking rooster as a rooster is the same as a big toe well kind of, I will never forget when my boys use to call me the Big Toe meaning or referring to my rooster size.

[MexicanStallion]

Best JJ one-liner: Win a 25 point SBR Casino freeplay by pasting your favorite JJ Gold 1 liner. Limit of two unique posts per poster. Posters may not re-post the same post.

http://forum.sbrforum.com/players-talk/1713388-off-vegas-tonight-red-eye-p2.html#post14712812

Youl do not live your house you mother fukker

Your home now shooting roids in your fukkin ass you juiced up fukkin robot

^Directed toward King Mayan

http://forum.sbrforum.com/players-talk/1718734-horrific-goalkeeper-queenspark-rangers-yesterday.html

I did not watch game as I was running sprints
Maybe he played well the whole game but this particular time he had slow feet and his reaction time was not good

[MexicanStallion]

JJ's Greatest Hits: Paste your favorite JJ Gold post in this thread for a 50 point SBR Casino freeplay. Posters may not re-post the same post. Be the first to dig up the JJ classics! One per poster.

http://forum.sbrforum.com/players-talk/1611281-opie-jjgold-zetas-house-video-p2.html

This will be a hard video to duplicate because of the entire combination that was in the house
As you boys noticed I am highly experienced and comfortable with all types of people
I think my interaction with the mafia has helped me.

Zeta's Father was trying to read the whole thing and in the beginning was skeptical, he and his wife were drilling Opie and I with questions and other 2 posters here would of buckled . Watch and see how we worked entire situation and controlled the conversation.

Zeta's sister was very pretty and handled herself well and very personable especially for 22 year old

The reminded me of an old school Italian Yonkers Family

Boys many here would love that situation in life

I would not go to anyone's house either, Zeta has always been nice to me here from day 1


I was a little scared at first because I was fukkin around in Zeta's parents bedroom before video went on and he had all whips and chains hanging on the walls and ceilings. I guess its his hobby or he is just a collector. I saw no porn anywhere.

I tried getting into Zeta's sisters bedroom and he said "JJ go in there and I will fukkin kill you" It was the only time I ever saw rage in that kids eyes so I just said ok.

Basement was just normal, I lifted some of his Dad's sweats that I can wear and got a few scarfs from his Mom's dresser.

Zeta had balls invited us there, no idea what we could of been like
He took a chance and it paid off
Had a good day..Opie and I had some tension between us because he just showed up in NJ..will address that another day

We will be back for a barbeque

Thanks to Shari for coaching me the night before and how to act in a proper family setting
I wish I could of brought her there and showed her off as my girl

[BigSpoon]

JJ's Greatest Hits:

I guess hotel room scene is one I can explain. It was 2 years ago and 10 of us guys rented one room and we shared it to keep costs down. Anyway there were 3 of us guys that did not go out and stayed in room while others went out and tried to pick up women. We were watching porn on the bed and the other 2 guys were wacking off, the other two guys were nude and I had on a fishnet suit (don't ask why) well my rod was getting hard because of the environment, they both were moaning and screaming so I started to wack off at a great sex on tv. I just pulled my rooster out of my fishnet suit and applied some sort of spray gel to start. I was stroking hard and when I do this I get pissed if rooster does not get up or if I cannot come after like 40 minutes. Well it was one of those rages and I had fukkin jelly and shit all over the place, my face, rooster, ass, whatever....and the buds were trying to get in room. I guess they were struggling to get in because they were drinking and the other two guys went under the bed. I was strapped in somewhat because it gave me more leverage and when I wack off I tend to move to much so prefer to be strapped in. Anyway they finally got in, like 4 guys and 7 hot chicks and hear I am in bed , strapped in and jelly all over me. I could not get out and was stuck. Now can you imagine the feeling I was in with all these people looking at me in a fishnet suit strapped to a bed with my rooster hanging out???? The worst part was all the jelly on my face I was itching during scene so had to itch my face and I had all the fukkin jelly on my hands from wacking off. Anyway some thought it was funny and others went ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.......a few girls and guys got smart and starting stroking me and two other girls started fingering me in the ass through the fishnet suit, I actually came which made it worse. It was the most embarassing thing I ever went through, what a fukkin mess...*** all over me now, jelly all over me, ass all jellyed up and they all laughed their asses off at me. Well picture me in a fishnet suit, bald headed, ass exposed and rooster dangling out going into bathroom in front of a lot of people, actually through this got a nickname that very few people know called "Jellyfish: Now when i wack off I am alone with no chance of anyone walking in.

Normal ones when I have gotten caught and just under covers grinding and someone heard me or just walked in for some reason and no way to explain it. I always lied and said I had an itch but explaining the moaning is hard and all the party does most of time with all of us when caught is smirk or just give you that look like "sorry" and leave quickly.

Best JJ one-liner:

Deuce is a hamburger

We use that term around here in Newark a lot

Hamburger= one that is a clown, someone that does not know what is going on in the world, clumsy, silly not street smart

Hamburger=Deuce

Canadians do not like Americans and I think that is why some usa posters feel that way

I do not give a fuk, I only go to Montreal to get laid by high class hookers

[Dad]

Here is a one liner that I enjoyed just today:

I am a jerkoff small prick fuk

[colts]

Favorite JJ quote (from today) "what the fk do you do when you're a degen" thread:

I use to take pills to try and over come the urge to gamble

It was suppose to block brain craving for it

It worked 3 days and then went on to lose 11k

JJ one-liners (both from when he was suppose to meet up with Vegas Vixen):

How do you walk in a room with a 2.5 rooster???? (only JJ would know)

She wanted me like Shari does (not at all )

[13th Inning]

Favorite one-liner:

I am educated and well read so I drink tea

[PedroG]

Heres a Classic and sure to win me some Points ....

Atlantic City Gold, its a long one but well worth the read ( apparently based on true events ..)

Every summer I go to NY to visit my Uncle and some childhood friends, big
agents, etc. I had gotten pretty friendly with JJgold on chat and in the forums
, plus he did do some legwork for me in the past , he’s good for P and C's ,
sometimes if I got a new guy that owes pretty good and I don’t know him real
well , I'll send JJ , believe or not at 5'4 300 lbs, try more like 350 , he
actually is pretty intimidating , he's also loyal ....I Had him pick up 30k once
in 20's and 50's, nobody wanted to count it and everybody thought it would be
short ,but every cent was there , every time. Anyways, I had never met the man
in person, our mutual friend put us in contact and we worked like that. But last
July, I decided I wanted to put a face behind the man.

I contacted JJ
and told him to call me; we decided to meet at Trump casino in Atlantic City for
a night of gambling and getting to know each other. I cant tell you what I was
expecting , honestly I always thought he was kidding about his height and weight
, but his claims are as accurate as can be , sure enough there he was in the
flesh , hand extended in greeting , he was wearing a Run DMC style sweat suit
Purple and Blue with a silver Chain dangling off his neck , Bald as a babies
bottom and yes , I’m not kidding ............ a little red colored Pony tail ,
he always said he had a single red hair , but its a handful if one were to tug
it. (And by the end of the night, I wanted to strangle him with it) Talk about a
loud, obnoxious, arrogant, asshole. This fu cking guy takes the cake. Within 2
minutes of meeting me , A very attractive woman walked by and JJ flicks his
tongue at her and says " Hey baby , once you go bald and red , you don’t go
back" , it was like a line out of a cheesy B movie , I was honestly kind of
embarrassed. I suggested we go play some cards get a drink; after all we were
standing in the lobby. He said no problem, my dealer Freddy will take care of
us, follow me. This table was buried in the back of the casino, Freddy (no
relation to the Devil) looked like a full on Loser, buck teeth, bald (of
course),he kind of looked like that Ernest dude from those movies. Oh yea , on
the way through the casino , JJ nearly takes out 3 women at the slot machine
because he thought he saw some money on the ground , but it was just a green
drink voucher , when he bent over to pick it up .......... The ol' plumbers
crack smiled at me devilishly. I nearly puked on the spot. Then every 2 minutes
JJ would be checking his sports pager looking in on baseball scores, I’m like
JJ, come on ! play a hand , the scores will be there. He’s a like nervous wreck,
constantly checking scores, not to mention I have never seen anyone literally
"sweat" like JJ does, I’m not talking sweating the scores either, I'm talking
sweat from his pores, he must have went through 3 packages of cocktail napkins
in an hour wiping off his brow, now I guess the Sweat suit made sense because
that style went out in the late 80's.

This guy is the WORST black jack
player I have ever seen. He makes the little old Chinese lady who constantly
kills you at 3rd base, look like she’s a God sent angel. He kept telling me how
he learned to count cards in Vegas and about his technique and all these books
he read on it, well all this "technique" amounted to him constantly busting and
borrowing money from me. I would have won over all that night, but I lent JJ 2
dimes which I might add he still owes me. Anyways , this asshole was hitting
17's , the first time he drew a 3 and I had to hear from him ," I told you so "
for about 3 hours about how his theory worked .... Mind you he didn’t draw under
5 hitting 17 the rest of the night.

Ever hear the expression "No shame
in my game”, well that is the epitome of JJGolds philosophy. He lets it all hang
out, and I’m not just talking about his belly. He says what he wants, when he
wants too,and to whomever he wants. A couple of older women sat next to us on
the table, JJ immediately began flirting with them, and talk about a natural
bullshitter. He was telling these broads he was a Producer for Phillip Blunt....
the hottest young rapper out there, told him he had his own plane, limo, etc,
and then after he had noticeably impressed these women he told one to pull his
finger which she obliged only to hear the loudest fart I have ever heard, JJ was
laughing his nards off, saying I gotcha, I gotcha (in the same way he said "I
told you so”) talk about annoying. This sloppy f uck was embarrassing the shit
out of me. Then the smell came, let me tell you, not only did he clear out our
table, he cleared out the Baccarat table 3 rows down - Brutal. I had enough of
Black Jack ( or this case Ass Crack ) I was getting ready to make an excuse to
ditch him for the night but he insisted on treating me for dinner , it was the
least he could do after borrowing all the money. (Funny he was treating me to
dinner on money that he borrowed from me, is this considered a treat?)

I
am expecting a nice sit down meal , bottle of wine , NOPE , takes me to $7.99
Buffet and we sat in the cafeteria with the rest of the losers. Talk about an
eater, Jesus Christ, I'd like to see a one on one between JJ and Fat Frankie. He
loaded up on the Prime Rib, Stacked about a foot high over his plate. Now here's
the shocker ............He eats with his hands!!! , no fork, no knife, no
nothing.... He was shoveling pieces of prime rib into his mouth from his grubby
little fat fingers, it was disgusting. Some Asians at a table nearby were
gaffing at the site, and JJ while spitting out prime rib, said "Why don’t you
take a fu caking picture, it will last longer”, No shame at all I tell ya. He
ate all meat , no salad , no legumes , no fruits ........Unbelievable , and
honestly I doubt anyone believes me , because had I not seen this atrocity with
my own eyes I would not believe it either. After his 5th plate, he cut another
loud fart acting like it was completely normal, and said now its time for
desert. 3 Banana splits, I was almost expecting him to just dive in mouth first,
but to my surprise he used a spoon. HOLY SHIT he suddenly yelled , my beeper ,
my beeper , I left my beeper on the table , I got to go get it. I said forget
about its gone ... He was devastated like he just lost a son. He insisted on
going to look for it and this was my out.... I said, Look I got to hit the road,
nice meeting you, we'll keep in touch. He shook my hand and then literally ran
off into the crowded casino, yelling move it, move it, coming through, coming
through. ........... And guess what everyone moved.

I never have seen
anything remotely close to JJgold; he is truly one of a kind. , even though he’s
a fat , disgusting , bald , slob , there’s an unnamed quality about him that I
liked , he’s original , consistent in his ways , and has been loyal in the past
, But anyone planning on meeting him ................... Be prepared for the
shock and ride of your life.


Well, after I was “Treated” to the $7.99
buffet bar, and an unearthly display of gluttony, JJ hightailed back to the
Black jack table to look his precious beeper. I figured I had seen all I would
of Senor JJGold for the time being. I took a walk down the boardwalk, fed the
seagulls some bread crumbs and thought about driving back to Queens before it
got too late. (I wish I would have.) I don’t know , I decided to get a room for
the night instead , figured I could take it easy and drive back first thing in
the morning , play some cards at night , maybe get laid , who knows. I checked
in to a nice room bout 15 floors up, nothing special, nice view of the Boardwalk
though. No comp job here as I wasn’t planning on spending much, plus I was light
the 2k I loaned to JJ on the Card table from earlier.

I was watching a
little TV and I get a phone call, funny cause no one knew I was here, probably
management with a question or maybe room service telling me the specials, who
knows ?. Not hiding anything I answered the phone and was surprised to find it
was Hotel Security? They wanted to search my room. WTF for? I demanded to know.
Well apparently another guest in the Hotel had accused me of theft? , Are you
fukking kidding me? I just checked in 10 minutes ago ! I screamed over the line.
No they weren’t, and before I was able to say more there was a knock on my door,
a loud knock. Sure enough it was Hotel security telling me just to just relax
and cooperate , Well guess who I see in the back round , Fukking JJ , This
asshole accused me of stealing his beeper ,he even told the security staff I
lifted it from him on the black jack table. Apparently this fat fuk, after
realizing he had lost it, followed me to the front desk and then after I checked
into the room called security on me!!! , I fukking just lent this clown two
thousand bucks on the table and he thinks I’m trying to get over on him with a
$39 sports pager, that by the way was probably a 1996 model , still had a
fukking green LCD screen. I was pretty fuking pissed to say the least. I told
him my first name , but JJ kept calling ABB in the hallway , “Come on ABB , just
give it back , no hard feelings , I don’t care , we’ll still be friends , etc ,
etc )I told him , I didn’t take your fukking Beeper you piece of shit ,I was
ready to throw down , Granted JJ outweighs me by about 80 lb , But I’m a good 7
inches taller than him and was quite positive I could easily beat the living
shit out of him. Only problem that could arise is if he cornered me and used his
sheer girth to belly bump me up against a wall, then punish me with his dragon
breath and body odor. But there were 3 big black security guards not more than 5
feet away, so I stayed cool.

They searched my bags and found nothing
(yea, no shit); they apologized profusely and left leaving me with Grand Master
Punk himself. Here’s the kicker , he still thought I had it, “Come on ABB ,
where did you stash it ? , I know you have it , the jokes over, just give it
back please. “ , Look asshole , we’re not doing this now ………. I will buy you a
fukking beeper, a top of the line beeper ; just shut the fuk up already. , It
was a mistake to say that, because he took it as my admittance of guilt. Enough
was enough , I said to him just drop it , I swear if you mention the beeper one
more time , I’m gonna kill you , He didn’t call my bluff. However after I said
that, he immediately lay down my bed, fukking nearly broke it when he pulled the
full Jump and hop move, grabs the remote and flips on c-span for the score
ticker, then looks up at me and says “what we going to do tonight? “ (I wanted
to say I tell what we’re gonna fukking do, we’re taking a walk on the beach and
your carrying the shovel and digging a deep hole six feet deep, before I bury
you.)

Something about this guy JJ, he’s fully original, he grows on ya,
he’s like fat kid at the back the back of the bus, you have feel sorry for him.
Even with all his antics he’s a hard guy to not like in person. We had just ate
about an hour ago , but now he tells me , he’s hungry again and without asking
picks up the phone calls room service and orders a T-Bone steak bloody rare ,2
Jumbo Shrimp Cocktails , 3 Coronas and a Cesar salad. , at the end of the call,
he says “You want anything? “ (Nah, just charge it all to my room, no problem.
)

I honestly began to theorize that he came up with the beeper theft idea
just to get into my room and pull this room service stunt for the free lunch.
While we were waiting for his food ( my bill ) we talked a little bout the
industry , offshore books , sports , general talk and surprisingly he is very
well informed and has a firm grasp on all aspects of gambling and the offshore
world ( yet he still couldn’t play Black Jack to save his life ? ) As a sports
buff myself , I was surprised about his knowledge of sports , any topic of
conversation I brought up , he was able to trade insights and facts without
hesitation. Usually in the forum he comes off as an opinionated idiot, however
face to face, I must admit I was impressed by his mind, surprisingly impressed.
(But not of his rolly Polly body, no offense Gold, but you could lose 30-40
pounds, wouldn’t hurt ya – might help you get laid even)

Well after his
lunch came, he wolfed it down like an animal, once again asides from the salad,
he used his hands to eat everything, including the T-bonesteak like it was a
turkey drumstick from the state fair. He must have one those metabolisms that
allow eating whatever you want, whenever you want with minimum weight gain. I
mean he’s not really “Fat” he’s like how he described himself, powerful build, a
little overweight, but definitely not fat. When he was younger he might have
done some power lifting. He’s pretty nimble aswell for a short stocky guy (as
you will find out later.)

I cant help it , but he reminds me a little of
George Constanza , not so much the looks but the way he talks , the pitch in his
voice , his mannerisms , hand gestures , etc. Don’t worry I’m not painting the
picture that I’m Jerry or anything. (I’m more of the Kramer type if you must
know.) Well, he was done eating and suggested we hit a nearby strip club for a
little daytime titty action. What the hell, this day already was one for the
books, so I decided to grab the bull by the balls and squeeze them for the rest
of the way. Why not? Some jiggling titties actually sounded like a good call. JJ
had to use the bathroom then we’re going to venture outside on our Journey for
some jiggling jugs. Jesus Christ, did JJ drop a fukking bomb in the bathroom; I
had to wait in the hall it smelt so bad. We made out of the hotel and took a cab
to the tittie bar, I forget the exact name of it, but I’m sure JJ remembers
because when we walked in there he was greeted like Elvis, all the girls,
waiters, owner, even the fukking janitor knew his name. I was impressed, but I
didn’t JJ. I mean for a guy that claims he has 2 inch dick and hasn’t been laid
in 11 years, his reception was quite the contrary of what I was expecting. We
sat in the corner, ordered some drinks and watched the snake show on stage. JJ
was going nuts, “Yea baby, slide that snake, yea, yea, go girl, do it, do it
right, come on mommy, do it right”, I’m not kidding that’s the shit he was
saying.

We got some table dances, I went into the private room with some
bimbo blonde for a half hour and got a quick hummer, but JJ asides from being
quite vocal didn’t get much hands on action from the women. He got a table dance
that was about it. We had about 5-7 drinks each. JJ accidentally spilt his rum
and coke all over his sweat suit and his crotch area. It looked like he pissed
himself for awhile until the stain dried, maybe that had something to do with
his lack of action, who knows? I’m not a real AC guy, and since I moved offshore
7 years ago haven’t been there except maybe once or twice for a night or 2,when
I was in my early 20’s Me and boys would go down every weekend and raise hell,
anyways, JJ told me about the hottest club around, said we should go eat dinner
at a nice restaurant and then hit the club( I forget the name) I said great, I’m
gonna go back to Hotel, change, take a shower and I’ll meet you in the lobby at
7.30, he agreed.

Gold is certainly a handful, a trouble maker in his own
wholesome way. Neurotic, obsessive-compulsive, boisterous, obnoxious, he marches
to the beat of a different drum, actually there may be no percussion present at
all, but he still marches.

I went back to my Hotel room, almost ready to
simply split, hit the road without the courtesy of a goodbye, a handshake, or
even an, “I’ll see you later”; JJ had worn me down by his obtuse style exhibited
at the strip club. His cat calls, the sexism, the womanizing and the traces of
racism regarding the service staff had subtly chipped my outer guard. Plus the
fact we almost went toe to fist didn’t help the scene. But what the hell, I was
here for the long haul... I already achieved a minor buzz from the afternoon
drinking and actually didn’t want to risk a one on one encounter of a magnitude
I couldn’t handle – The New Jersey State Police. I think I might still have
outstanding parking tickets in the Hoboken area from 93’ and didn’t need the
aggravation of blowing .09 and spending the night in jail, (I know for shit sure
JJ wouldn’t be bailing me out!) So, I decided to see what JJ had in store for
us, how bad could things be?

He called me at 7.45, said he was waiting
downstairs in the front of the building, said he had a “Limo”. Now that’s what
I’m talking about, alright maybe he was stepping up to the plate after all, and
felt bad for being such a slouch for the first part of the day. I put on my
“Serpico” Leather jacket, cool, slick and black over a white t-shirt. Spruced up
with a little cologne for the ladies and went downstairs. When I got out front I
didn’t see any limousines waiting for me, however I did see JJ standing in front
of a 1974 Oldsmobile Regency 98, blood red and dented. He was smiling like a
little kid in a candy store, looks like he switched his necklace from silver to
gold as well, I wasn’t sure. “Step on in, ABB, welcome to my world” JJs face
gleamed, I think Some lettuce from his Shrimp Cocktail several hours ago in
lodged his front tooth gleamed as well, but I ignored it and chuckled, “Limo
huh, aren’t I the lucky one?”, Come on now ABB, this car has more class than
you’ve rode in your whole life, Used to belong to Richard Nixon, it’s a
classic!”, That’s right, he said it, Used to belong to Richard Nixon. “Alright,
you sit in front ok, this is my man Carlonphonso, and he’ll take care of us.”
Carlonphonso looked and sounded a little like comedian Chris Rock, a young black
male in his early 30’s or late 20’s, I didn’t ask his age, cause he to busy
singing over the radio, then after about one block of driving JJ started singing
along with him, only JJ wasn’t actually singing, he was screeching his lyrics
and wasn’t even close to the words either. I think the song was … “Heard it
through the grapevine” by Marvin Gay” JJ was singing the chorus like this, “The
whores came through by freight train” or something ridiculous to that effect. I
think he was mucking the words on purpose to be funny, but with that whiny voice
it was pretty annoying. Then Carlonphonso starts with the yapping, “You know, I
done noticed that my brother J-lo (that’s what Carlonphonso called JJ, cause
he’s so short by the way.) Be calling you ABB , now why dat be?” , before I
could answer, he answered the question for me. , “You must be an ABBA fan huh?,
Damn I love ABBA, aren’t they coming out with a reunion album?, Dancing Queen,
my Dancing Queen, your from Queens right? , Damn dats a kick in the pants,
Sheet, but nah really what I miss is that candy , ABBA DABBA, or what about the
Flintstones , Yabba Dabba Doo, I always thought Fred was secretly yelling for a
Abba Dabba, the candy that is, not the musicians , course you would have known
that, cause the musicians don’t go by Abba Dabba ,just Dabba, Ahhaah , I mean
Abba. Shit , I’m confusing myself, but you’re following right J-lo?” JJ was
still butchering the lyrics to Grapevine “Betcha wanna go to school, with the
guys who think they cool”, I suddenly got a little faint and looked in the glove
box for a gun, not to shoot them, but to put myself out of this tormented
version of hell where I was boxed in between two certifiable nutcases in a car
straight out of Hill Street Blues.

I rarely get headaches, but I had one
now, and was ready to tell them both to SHUT THE FUK UP, and LET ME THE FUK
OUT!!!, on that note, JJ yelled out, “Heeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrreeeeeee’s JJ” ,
apparently we had arrived to the restaurant. “First things first Bad Beat, you
got it?” Carlonphonso handed back JJ a joint that looked more like a cinnamon
toothpick wrapped in toilet paper, this thing was about 1.5 inches long( I guess
that’s normal for JJ) and 2 millimeters thick. “We got’s to get the appetite up
ABB, I usually don’t smoke, but I read on the forums that you like too, so I
figured I’d surprise you, not bad huh?” Alright , I like spontaneity, and those
who know me know I like to smoke a little grass from time to time, so I was
appreciative of the gesture. But after smoking that oregano-parsley mix, I felt
like giving J-lo and Carlonphonso a gesture of my own, one that involved my
middle finger. I realized that the lettuce wedged between JJs front teeth wasn’t
lettuce at all, but probably remnants of the dirt weed stuck to his teeth from
when he rolled and licked the doober. It gave me more of a headache than an
actual high, but I thanked him anyway. We were entering a steak house of sort,
it looked to be of middle class and caliber, nothing too spectacular. I thought
it was just going to be JJ and me for dinner, but Gold invited Carlonphonso to
join us, and in his Antonio Mcdyes Jersey he was definitely underdressed for
even KFC.

Table for 3, when I was looking over the wine list with the
waiter looking over our table. ( JJ and Carlon are sights for sore eyes to say
the least) I ordered a nice bottle of red wine , around $60, but Carlonphonso
insisted on drinking Malt Liquor – no kidding. They didn’t serve malt liquor the
waiter kept insisting, before he could stick us with a firm “No” , JJ busted out
, “ Do you know who this is ? This is Puff Daddy, you know P-Diddy, the man
wants a Colt 45, I suggest you get him one, he’s got more money than Trump, send
a waiter to the e, but quench this mans thirst !!!, for the love of Hip-Hop !!!”
Just what I wanted to avoid, another scene. Now patrons at other tables were
beginning to glance over at us, and make comments beneath their menus and
breathe. The Manager of the restaurant, larger distinguished looking gentlemen
with a handlebar mustache came to the waiter’s relief. “What seems to be the
problem here?”, JJ barks out, “I’ll tell you what the fukking problem is
Frenchie, my homie wants a forty dog of Colt 45 and your employee here says
that’s impossible, what the hell happened to the customer is always right???” (
Now I knew where the phrase, the customer is always an asshole came from.) The
Manager was doing his best job not to strangle JJ, because his brow was getting
red and he was visibly embarrassed. "Hop on a fukking a scooter, hit a damn
7-11, and get my man his Brew!" JJ was relentless, I finally put an end to this
charade of shame.

ABB- JJ , shut the fuk up, they don't have it, drink
another brand or drink wine, or I'm fukking out of here, I ain't kidding
!!!
JJ- Don't start with me ABB, Frenchie knows I aint bluffing, I'll burn
this place down, I'll picket the streets for months demanding equal drinking
opportunities !!!, This is an outrage , and I demand Justice.....
Manager-
Gentlemen , I will have to ask you to lower your voices ....
JJ- The Fuk I
will !!! , Give this man his Malt Liquer, and bring me a Chorizo while your at
it, all this yelling is getting my appetite up.

At this point, the table
next to us was upset, and the man sitting there leaned over to JJ and said, do
you mine? , Its our 5th anniversary over here, and your ruining it for me and my
family. Sure enough , two 10 year old girls were giggling but a little
scared.

JJ- Your Fukking A right I mind, we all mind, everyone for the
last 20 years who has tried to order Malt Liquor from this Shit hole and has
been denied MINES!!!
MAN at Table - Look here Damnit , I asked you nicely,
and you used profanity in front of my wife and daughters , I’m a reasonable man,
but enough is enough, lets take this out side .....

He wasn't kidding and
when he stood up revealing a 6'6 frame about 260, I think I saw a squirt of piss
shoot out of JJ's sweatpants. Carlonphonso at that point said hastily , No
problem here ,its cool, I'll have a bud and watch the game , its all
good!!!
But JJ didn’t back down , to my surprise .... " Ask and thou shall
fukking receive" , he took off his sweatshirt and for the first time the whole
day I saw JJ's milk white freckled arms, with (an I’m not kidding) a tattoo on
the left shoulder that says "In Mom we Trust", His arms were by no means
muscular, but powerful looking nonetheless.

You have to take a moment
and visualize this spectacle. JJ at about 5'3 and 280 against Ivan Drago who was
about 6'6 and half way to the front door doing a come-on gesture with his
forefinger. JJ's face was redder than that excuse for a limo was that we drove
here in. What the hell had I gotten myself into I wondered as I pushed my way
past the manager and outside to watch the brawl. The Manager poked his head out
after me saying he had called the cops. JJ yelled back , "You better call an
Ambulance too, while your at it Frenchie !!!"

Well the big Man didn’t
waste anytime , he charged JJ and hit him with a tackle that JJ shrugged off
with a light grunt of pain, gush, JJ attempted to wrap him up, but could only
reach about half way around the man due to the limited use of his "alligator
arms. The mans wife was outside now too, and she was screaming , "Stop it, Stop
it !!!" JJ got thrown down on the ground next to some garbage cans and actually
fell into the garbage ( hell, it might be an improvement over his natural odor!)
The man was dusting himself off and heading back to his wife while police sirens
could be heard in the back round. When suddenly JJ leapt up, his satin sweat
suit had spaghetti sauce all over the front of it and his face was bloody red,
he actually looked pretty pissed off. "Where you going , this isn’t finished
yet?" He bellowed. The man looked back and let out at a sigh. At this point the
manager was out side saying the cops would be here any minute and to please just
leave !!! Honk , Honk , I looked over and saw Carlonphonso sitting in the blood
beast motioning for JJ and I to get in ... Which we did. "Don't get no sauce on
my seat J-lo, sit on that newspaper!!!" We were all safely in the car and turned
the corner from the restaurant at the same time NJPD was coming up the other
street. "Ahhh , shit J-lo, you were the man, thanks for sticking up for a fellow
Newark Brother .... " , at that he slammed on the break nearly sending me
through the window. Sure enough only to park in front of a jiffy stop where he
promptly purchased two forty ounces of the infamous Colt 45.

After a 20
minute drive we pulled up to some shady looking nightclub with plenty of rift
raft hanging out front. The Dinner debacle was a distant memory as I could only
imagine the shit that went down here. "You what JJ? , I’m taking a cab back to
the Hotel , I've had enough, I'm hungry, this isn't working out." , JJ looked
insulted , "Cool your fukking Jets ABB, I told you this is the hottest joint in
town, now the fun starts , I’m sorry about before, but trust me ...." He
pleaded. Fuk it , lets go in. At the door JJ handed over a small revolver that I
later found out was a water pistol replica which looked pretty real though. I
was 2nd in line after JJ and noticed that while sitting on the newspaper the
FrontPage story had super imposed on over his white sweatpants on the ass part,
you could barely make out the headline which said, " Meat Recall " ( I guess it
would have been more appropriate had that message been written on the front of
his pants )Anyways He looked like a real mess and if I hadn't of slipped the
doorman a Fifty spot, he wouldn’t have let JJ in at all. Place was dark , loud
thumping music , and lots Hoes , and I mean Hoes not Hotties. These places
looked like the hot spot for every dish rag, bimbo blonde, and reject South of
Mermaid avenue in Brooklyn. And JJ , looked like he was in Heaven. "Plenty of
Fish in this Sea - ABB , take your pick , hell take 2 or 3 , it’s all the same
price. $20 bucks for 30 mins, they got rooms up stairs" I noticed Carlonphonso
and a Lil Kim look alike heading up the back stairs simultaneously. JJ then
said, " I can't get it up anymore , but I like to watch if you don't mind?"
......... Yes I do mind , you sick fuk !!! , and don't worry these girls are
below my standards , so I'll be watching ..... Whatever , you know what , I’m
out of here ...., I had been embarrassed and insulted enough by this fact fuk
over the course of the day, and I was done.

JJ wouldn’t let me leave ,
"I’m kidding ABB , Come on , you can't take a joke? , Of course I was kidding,
Lets have a beer , my treat ..... ", We sipped our suds quietly and afterwards I
had enough , I said I’m taking a cab back to Trump , Ill call you in Jersey when
I get back to CR. He reluctantly agreed. When I was in the Cab, JJ came running
out of the club," Just one more question ABB? " .......... Yes JJ ? ,
.........." Did you really mean it when you said , you would buy me a Top of the
Line Beeper ?, and can I borrow $300 bucks , I lost my wallet in the scuffle ?"
I lent the $300 and if the son of bitch gives me a mailing address in Jersey I
got a mint Sports pager top of the line that I’m gonna send him for X-mas
next......

[stuntin909]

My favorite one liner :

starts 3:30

"some australian kangaroo is fukkin banging shari!"

[jjgold]

someone has to be the first video, so here goes - i am setting the bar LOW

[onlooker]

Best one liner:

Smokey I am straight as an arrow

[danso]

JJ's Greatest Hits: Paste your favorite JJ Gold post in this thread for a 50 point SBR Casino freeplay.Posters may not re-post the same post. Be the first to dig up the JJ classics! One per poster.


Favorite posts from JJGold are when he offers the Pick the Score contests for points... even though nobody usually wins..

Today for example:
Round 12 National Rugby League: Pick The Score For 60 Points: Melbourne vs Brisbane

Closes 5:00AM EST
First one only

Scores similar to NFL Football

Nice gesture from the guy!


Best JJ one-liner: Win a 25 point SBR Casino freeplay by pasting your favorite JJ Gold 1 liner. Limit of two unique posts per poster. Posters may not re-post the same post.

1) "Walker, where is my iPad?"
2) "Kid is a winner.."

[dice]

I still don't know how Coach doesn't have his own show on cable.

[a4u2fear]

Ain't this all supposed to happen on may 30?

[Spanks]

[InTheDrink]

one liners:

Jeffrey averages 2x a month but have not seen him un s while after I pointed an loaded 44 caliber at his fukkin head

Stay single, stay sexless like me and you turn out well. Sex is not in, dating is not in. Isolationism is in

[jose21_us]

one liner..

Dont mess with my son!!

[Louisvillekid1]

OOH man, thanks for the laughs over the years JJ

Milwaukee Mike is my hero, great fukkin vid...



I like the video when JJ had the big bet on the Eagles and was freaking out standing on the ladder for no reason during the game...


Great one Liner:

"Im not scared to fight 80 year olds, I've faught 'em,..... I'm 2-4,..... but Atleast I Faught'em!"

[Louisvillekid1]

some Australian kangaroo mother fukker

HAHAHA

[Cuse0323]

should get a freeplay for cutting my hair like the coach a while back.