good luck fearless.I am sorry you took my post the wrong way.a few of the responses,like the one I quoted, are from some very bitter angry guys
good luck to you
good luck to you
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Thank you everyone. My wife is the glue that holds me together in so many ways. I will be strong and have faith in myself that I'll be fine without her.
I've got some good advice in this thread and thanks for the well-wishes.Comment -
fearless: I hate the be the voice of lunacy, but given two options that you clearly are unhappy with, is losing your wife more important than not procreating? I can understand there are many good reasons for not having a kid but it is possible you are making the wrong choice. Let me explain:
The human mind is often ill equipped at making a move to a negative state to avoid a more negative state. If we know we don't want A and we know we don't want B we avoid choosing and are thus left with whatever choice inaction grants us. Taking the lesser evil takes self control and self awareness.
A similar effect is that when we lose we often bet big to come out a winner in the end. People can be negative EV and win many days in a row (think Martingale).
Are you sure that if the choice is losing your wife or having a kid the proper decision is to lose your wife? I know you want not A and not B but it does not appear that is an option. For 4 years it has been. If you didn't have to choose then good, not choosing is the right play. If you have to choose make sure you make the right choice instead of pining for not A and not B.Comment -
I am 34 and I have ended 3 different relationships in the past because my girlfriend at the time wanted children. No way in hell do I want kids or ever wanted them. I was getting to the point where I was just banging girls and nothing more because the older you get they want kids. I am very very fortunate I have found a girl that is just like me! She never wanted them and never will. I really feel sorry about that man. But I will tell you this much you will be better off, If you don't want kids don't do it just to please her. Screw that!Originally posted by fearlessWe've been married for nearly 4 years but we never agreed about having kids. She wants kids and I don't. This was gonna be a make or break issue for years but she got angry at me yesterday and said that's it over. I'm crushed, she's my only real friend and really everything to me.
Any advice?המוסד
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I understand what you're saying but I made up my mind about not having kids a long time before I met my wife. I haven't changed my mind and in fact I'm more sure about it now than before. I did tell her that we could adopt but she wants her own baby.Originally posted by WheellComment -
I wonder how long it will take before I can find a woman who doesn't want kids. I wonder how many there are out there?Originally posted by flyingillini
Just finding one isn't good enough. We have to like each other and want to stay together. Sounds like long odds to me. I think you got really lucky. Well done!
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This means you are willing to raise a kid but unwilling to pass along your own genetic material. That is one of the most noble sentiments I have ever heard. Why is artificial insemination off the table? It would seem to solve both quandaries.Originally posted by fearlessComment -
Wow! I wouldn't even adopt. I never want kids but if I had to I would want my own but no way in hell... neither is going to happen...no way in hell....there is not enough money to pay me to do either hahaOriginally posted by fearlessהמוסד
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Dang having a kid is not all that bad. I have 2 and the first was an oopsie. I would never trade them in for anything in this world though.Comment -
Fearless.......you coming to the bash? Ill buy you a wife for the night.
All jokes aside man......hang in there. She will realize she is being nuts and change her mind. Hang in there bro!Comment -
My wife doesn't trust artificial insemination and neither do I. Talk about Russian Roulette, how in the world can you be sure about what you'll get?Originally posted by WheellComment -
I feel like there's too many people on the earth already, we don't need more and there's many other reasons.Originally posted by flyingilliniComment -
I'm not coming to the bash because I live too far away. Thanks for the kind words!Originally posted by Iwinyourmoney
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You can NEVER be sure what you are going to get. You clearly don't have any GOOD options. Find the option that is least bad:
1. Your choices:
A. Fold and impregnate your wife
B. Pass
2. If you pass your wife has options:
A. Fold and have no kids
B. Fold and adopt
C. Fold and inseminate
D. Divorce
It seems you have 1 way of derailing divorce and your wife has 3. I know you mentioned not trusting artificial insemination so that choice might require both of you to sign on.
Is divorce the best option? That is for the two of you to decide.Comment -
You're a genius, thanks for the advice. I will discuss this with my wife.Originally posted by Wheell
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Guy I don't understand why anyone would not want kids
wake up and smell the coffey guyComment -
My wife also left me after a few years of running around. Then she did her best to take everything I ever worked for and had. She did her best to cause me pain and she cause much of it. It seemed like legal fee were her friend. They sure weren't mind. I nearly lost everything I had.Originally posted by fearlessWe've been married for nearly 4 years but we never agreed about having kids. She wants kids and I don't. This was gonna be a make or break issue for years but she got angry at me yesterday and said that's it over. I'm crushed, she's my only real friend and really everything to me.
Any advice?
That was a few years ago and it floored me at the time. Now, looking back I'm glad it happened. I was married to a bitch and now I have a women who treats me better than any women who came before her. The bitch did me a favor. Give it time it'll get better. It always does.Comment -
I agree completely. People are becoming like rats. I also don't get why people adopt. I could never care for a kid that isn't mine. People who give their kid up for adoption should've used a rubber.Originally posted by fearlessComment -
Thanks for the kind words. Hopefully you guys find an option that doesn't cause one or both of you to suffer great pain. Good luck.Originally posted by fearlessYou're a genius, thanks for the advice. I will discuss this with my wife.Comment -
Have you ever thought about the kids at the adoption agency and how they feel?Originally posted by treece
people mainly adopt because they are either gay, do not have the funtional tools to make one of their own or they just are good people.
LT profits has adopted 4 children I believeComment -
That's an inspirational post. My wife has a very bitchy side but she has an incredibly soft, sweet side too.Originally posted by jolub
She's told me many times that I can find someone better than her and she's probably right. I know deep down that this is a necessary transition.Comment -
The best thing I could tell you is to go see a marriage counselor. I know this is not a popular option, especially for men, but it will put things in perspective. You can always decide to split up, but do it with a clear and calm perspective.
When you get too close to something or someone, be it gambling or a person, you are like the painter with his nose pressed against the canvas; focused on detail, but no longer seeing the bigger picture. The solution can be as simple as taking a few steps back.
People often feel that they're the only ones experiencing a certain problem, but professionally trained counselors have seen it a 'million' times and should be able to help you sort things out.Comment -
Damn.... sorry to hear this bro. Gotta keep your head upComment -
Overpopulation is awful. At the rate we're consuming the world's resources, I don't know how much longer everything will last.Originally posted by treeceComment -
Thanks Dark Horse. After nearly five years of talking about this (we knew each other for a year before we got married), northing's changed. Nothing will change and my wife is probably right to want to make a clean break now.Originally posted by Dark HorseComment -
You may have to ask yourself some hard questions.Originally posted by fearless
Do you love her? (You didn't mention that)
If you truly love a woman you'd give her just about anything. Regardless of your personal conviction, wouldn't you feel extremely honored if the woman of your dreams told you she wanted your child?
I don't mean to pry, but if you're willing to let a marriage go to waste because of this, you need to fully understand your resistance to fatherhood. It may relate to your own father. It's a scary thing to be a father.
You may have a perfectly good reason. But to sidestep the issue, that is very personal to your wife, by saying there are too many people on the planet already isn't going to cut it.
GL.Comment -
You don't need her! That's why God gave us hookers and porn!
And besides...if you had kids, she'd just divorce you later anyway and then you'll be sending her 50% of every pay check for the rest of your life!
The problem is not you. The problem is that the Laws in America favor women now which is a big mistake because women are the most unforgiving and sadistic creatures in the universe. So I say... save your future money and peace of mind and forget her!
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if you're serious, dont let her leave and give her her wish to become a mother, you becoming a father will be one of the best decisions you ever made in your life. getting married to a good woman and having children will give most men all the fulfillment inthe world they could ever want, good luck, let us know what happensOriginally posted by fearlessWe've been married for nearly 4 years but we never agreed about having kids. She wants kids and I don't. This was gonna be a make or break issue for years but she got angry at me yesterday and said that's it over. I'm crushed, she's my only real friend and really everything to me.
Any advice?Comment -
Fearless....
Life is about sacrifice. If you truely love this women......give in and have a kid. We all do shit we dont wanna do......but thats lifeComment -
Stand your ground! She's just eyeing a future monthly paycheck from you. Ever heard of Shawn Kemp?Comment -
My first response was about how your "deadbeat dad" may have led to your decision not to have children. Maybe that's why you don't want to have kids. But then you said it was because of overpopulation and all that we consume as a people on this earth. That is a terrible reason to choose whether you have kids or not. Is this REALLY your reason? Or just an excuse to hide the fact that you are pissed at your Father? Also after 4 years of marraige I am SURE this topic came up before now. Have you been stringing her along or have you stood your ground the entire time and she was hoping you would change your mind.
You don't have to be honest with us about this. Just be honest with yourself and the right choices for you will surface. Unfourtunetly they may not always be the same as what others may want.
On another serious note...I remember your first post and your sign on name was different. Without starting a whole thread of crap about it. Could this be a reason you don't want kids but still want to be married? Again, you don't have to be honest with us, just with yourself.
Good Luck in however this turns out.Comment -
All bullshit aside, ask Richie. He prob knows best what you're going through and how to cope.Comment -
i have never been married,so i dont know how you feel.my sister on the other hand was married for ten years,and got divorced.at first she almost had a mental breakdown,but years later she said it was the best thing she ever done.she was very upset,because her husband had left her around 145,000 in debt,and our dad had to bail her out.they never had children,because she used protection.you never want children in a relationship,just to try to keep the marriage together.it never really works,because its not fair to the kids,plus it just makes complications.just be glad you werent with her for 20 years.Originally posted by fearlessWe've been married for nearly 4 years but we never agreed about having kids. She wants kids and I don't. This was gonna be a make or break issue for years but she got angry at me yesterday and said that's it over. I'm crushed, she's my only real friend and really everything to me.
Any advice?
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I just talked this over with my wife and I've had a sudden and inexplicable change of heart. She helped me to see some different aspects of this issue, you all have have helped to see this in a different light. I probably had to hit rock bottom in order to see what was really facing me.
She agrees with me right down the line about what's important about having a child and what needs to be done.
She's given me three months to decide and I'm thinking I'm probably gonna change my mind.
This isn't over but I'm feeling much better about it.
Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart. You've helped me when I needed help most and that's what friends do! Awesome!Comment -
Kids are way too expensive and secondly it is not a world for children and ultimately children is what cause your divorce.
Pal when you become single you will never get married again, most men hate marriage.
Listen to Fighting IlliniComment
