TELL me if you like this JOKE

[nobs]

Tell me if this is funny or a dud.


So 2 gay guys get married and decide they want to have a baby and start a family. They both beat off into a glass, then find a surrogate mother to carry the Baby. After the Baby is born, the two guys are in the hospital nursery adoring their new born child. One says to the nurse, man I really believe our baby is the cutest, most adorable baby of them all, and look he never cries.

The Nurse says - Oh yeah, well just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.


Is this

or

[betplom]

you have to ask?

Its NOT funny, not even a little bit.

Here, this is funny:

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry honey; that was an insect."

To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

[THE PROFIT]

First time I heard that it was so funny I kicked the slats outta my crib

[SamsNCharge99]

[nobs]

But did you pull the pacifier out your ass

[nobs]

I agree samsncharge. I just heard that and I thought it was funny

[betplom]

So I'm in bed with this chick and we've been laying there for some time, so I go:
"Hey, are we gonna fukk or what?"

"You're being a bit presumptuous." She says.

"Presumptuous? That's a big word for an 8 year old!"

[iceminers26]

sorry gotta vote

[jjgold]

LOL

It is not bad

Nobber make a video and tell that joke and i will give you 10 points

[THE PROFIT]

A guy 69'd with his woman for almost an hour, he remembered he had a dentist appointment & was gonna be late so he jumped up, gargled listerine, brushed his teeth, flossed, brushed again, gargled a couple more times, and chewed some gum on the way. When he lays back in the chair the dentist gets down close & looks in his mouth & jumps back & says "Man, what did you do before you came here!?!?" The guy jumps up stunned "You mean you can still smell pussy on my breath???" The doc says "No, but your forehead smells like shit!"

[Shortstop]

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry honey; that was an insect."

To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

Nice!

[big joe 1212]

Tell me if this is funny or a dud.


So 2 gay guys get married and decide they want to have a baby and start a family. They both beat off into a glass, then find a surrogate mother to carry the Baby. After the Baby is born, the two guys are in the hospital nursery adoring their new born child. One says to the nurse, man I really believe our baby is the cutest, most adorable baby of them all, and look he never cries.

The Nurse says - Oh yeah, well just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.


Is this

or

I think it's funny!

[big joe 1212]

you have to ask?

Its NOT funny, not even a little bit.

Here, this is funny:

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry honey; that was an insect."

To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

not funny

[big joe 1212]

A guy 69'd with his woman for almost an hour, he remembered he had a dentist appointment & was gonna be late so he jumped up, gargled listerine, brushed his teeth, flossed, brushed again, gargled a couple more times, and chewed some gum on the way. When he lays back in the chair the dentist gets down close & looks in his mouth & jumps back & says "Man, what did you do before you came here!?!?" The guy jumps up stunned "You mean you can still smell pussy on my breath???" The doc says "No, but your forehead smells like shit!"

not bad

[big joe 1212]

So I'm in bed with this chick and we've been laying there for some time, so I go:
"Hey, are we gonna fukk or what?"

"You're being a bit presumptuous." She says.

"Presumptuous? That's a big word for an 8 year old!"

dumb

[Shortstop]

A guy 69'd with his woman for almost an hour, he remembered he had a dentist appointment & was gonna be late so he jumped up, gargled listerine, brushed his teeth, flossed, brushed again, gargled a couple more times, and chewed some gum on the way. When he lays back in the chair the dentist gets down close & looks in his mouth & jumps back & says "Man, what did you do before you came here!?!?" The guy jumps up stunned "You mean you can still smell pussy on my breath???" The doc says "No, but your forehead smells like shit!"

Good one!

[HoldEmHook!!]

3 very funny but Betplom joke is not funny at all

[acarmelo1]

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

[acarmelo1]

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".

So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.

So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it.

The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt."

Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".

Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".

[acarmelo1]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

[JohnGalt2341]

How about this? JJGold was in the 9th grade and after school he had a few friends over. He started bragging to his friends how he had had sex with one of his teachers today at school. What he didn't know was that his Mother was in the next room listening to him tell the story. She was very upset but decided to tell his Father first to let him handle the situation. She told his Father the story and although JJ's Father pretended to be upset he was secretly proud of his son. He took JJ outside to have a talk with him. His Father said "JJ, I heard what you did today at school. Don't tell your Mother, but I'm proud of you son! Today you became a man! In fact, you know that knew Mountain Bike you've been wanting? I'm going to buy it for you today! JJ responded with "Not today Dad, my ass still hurts."

[Sunde91]

2/10

Zero originality + zero brevity = fail

[Slainte]

acarmelo1, good ones especially bout the hippie

[DiggityDaggityDo]

A guy 69'd with his woman for almost an hour, he remembered he had a dentist appointment & was gonna be late so he jumped up, gargled listerine, brushed his teeth, flossed, brushed again, gargled a couple more times, and chewed some gum on the way. When he lays back in the chair the dentist gets down close & looks in his mouth & jumps back & says "Man, what did you do before you came here!?!?" The guy jumps up stunned "You mean you can still smell pussy on my breath???" The doc says "No, but your forehead smells like shit!"

[THE PROFIT]

Glad you liked that diggity

[DiggityDaggityDo]

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
Masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the
Stomach.. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the
Bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
Healthy daughters and a Healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in
Tears. 'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and this
Bullet Came out,' replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. 'Mom,
I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out.' Again the mother told
Her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years Ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said
The Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet
Came out.'

'No,' said the boy, 'I was jerking off and I shot the dog.'

[THE PROFIT]

Thats good diggity. I like that, will commit it to memory

[THE PROFIT]

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.

"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.

"Great," Little Johnny replied.

"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.

"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"

[THE PROFIT]

Little Johnny was on his way back home from the store with a
loaf of bread in one hand, and his other hand in his pants
pocket.

Off in the distance, Father Joseph sees little
Johnny and realizes this is the perfect opportunity to go preach the gospel of the Holy Bible to the young boy.

Father Joseph approaches little Johnny and says, "I see that you have the "Staff of Life" in one hand."

"Yep," replies little Johnny. "And I have a loaf of bread in
the other!"

[bobbyfk]

you have to ask?

Its NOT funny, not even a little bit.

Here, this is funny:

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry honey; that was an insect."

To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

[THE PROFIT]

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny...

Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fukin' beautiful!"

[stealthyburrito]

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny...

Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fukin' beautiful!"

[THE PROFIT]

Little Johnny returned from school and saying he got an 'F' in Math.

"Why?" asked his father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"

"But that's right!", said his dad, upset at the injustice.

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fuks the difference?" asked his dad.

Little Johnny replied "That's exactly what I said!"

[2daBank]

Two men are fishing on a riverbank when they see a funeral procession passing by. One of the men stands up, takes off his hat, and bows.
"That was a very nice thing to do," says the second man.
"Well," sniffles the first, "we were married for 25 years."

[THE PROFIT]

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed putting a condom onto his penis in preparation of sex with his wife.

Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously "Whatcha doin daddy?"

His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny replied

"Whatcha gonna do, fuk him?"