This shit has to be wiped away...

[odusmykal]

Just for the record, i'm a stander.. And i prefer baby wipes instead of TP.. What a bizzare thread.. The thought of wiping while still sitting had never even crossed my mind before this thread.. Doesn't sound like anything i'll try for a while either..

[GiveMeaBJ]

This thread was the most fun SBR thread I have ever been a part of.

[UntilTheNDofTimE]

This was one of my favorite threads of all time, i actually tried to wipe sitting down and it was a ******* mess, accidentally touched the water and cudnt wipe good, FUK SITTERS. sTAND LIKE A MAN

[Sunde91]

GREAT thread

I stand at home restrooms and sit in public restrooms, which I rarely use for shit.

[UntilTheNDofTimE]

....

Boys that was an adventure. Here is the breakdown. I sit down, light my cigarette as usual when I take a shit. I pee standing down and this just isn't meant to be. I could barely get my dick far enough down to hit the toilet and most of the piss was hitting inside the toilet and bouncing up at me. A big mess. Then I shit, as usual. Now this is where it gets ugly. Normally I stand up and throw my cig in the toilet. Sitting down to wipe I decide let me put it in the toilet through my legs. I swear I almost burnt my nut sack to hell. I could feel the heat coming off of it onto my balls. I think I burned a hair. Not pretty. Then I go to wipe. This just isn't meant to be. It was a mess. I got shit all over my gooch. My arm was halfway in the toilet. It was getting all over my ass cheeks. Had to shower right away. By the time that nonsense was over I had to run out so I went out and I felt like everyone knew what had just happened. It was terrible.

Boys that was an adventure. Here is the breakdown.

I sit down, light my cigarette as usual when I take a shit. I pee standing down and this just isn't meant to be. I could barely get my dick far enough down to hit the toilet and most of the piss was hitting inside the toilet and bouncing up at me. A big mess. Then I shit, as usual. Now this is where it gets ugly. Normally I stand up and throw my cig in the toilet. Sitting down to wipe I decide let me put it in the toilet through my legs. I swear I almost burnt my nut sack to hell. I could feel the heat coming off of it onto my balls. I think I burned a hair. Not pretty. Then I go to wipe. This just isn't meant to be. It was a mess. I got shit all over my gooch. My arm was halfway in the toilet. It was getting all over my ass cheeks. Had to shower right away. By the time that nonsense was over I had to run out so I went out and I felt like everyone knew what had just happened. It was terrible.

So in summary lets go over this.

A) You should piss standing up, then sit and shit?
B) You should stand up, palm your left ass cheek and dig in with the right hand.
C) If you can't stand due to injury you should go around the back when wiping rather then straight through the legs?

Someone please correct me if I am wrong. I want to have this shit down for the ladies.

[GiveMeaBJ]

I'm glad others agree. I loved every second of this thread.

[UntilTheNDofTimE]

yea your up their with pecos for thread starter of the year there

[GiveMeaBJ]

I love eating Green Now n Later candies b4 taking a shit. Looks like something the incredible Hulk would shit

Maybe he cramped up a muscle trying to wipe while sitting down , fell on the floor and now has shit all over him and the floor?

I stand up and use a baby wipe to clean the corn-hole...2 if it was a collateral damage shit...and if its a def-con 3 explosion...into the shower I go...I hate reeking of feces and having the itchy smear rubbing in my pants...plus its good hygiene you nasty sonsofbitches...

The standing wipe is observedly better. You don't involve the nuts or shaft in the equation at all.

Wait, so you piss standing up, and then sit down to shit? Interesting.

Fvck it, u guys hav me confused now. I'm not gonna wipe either way anymore. I'm just gonna shit and pick up my pants and go about my business

wtf u scoot up and wipe from the back sitting down? sounds complicated.

Page 3 could be the funniest page in SBR history.

[GiveMeaBJ]

Oh and then Taylor: "My shit is brown. Which is good."

[Sunde91]

It feels very, very awkward to stand and wipe in a stall in a crowded public restroom. I mean shitting in a public stall is facing adversity to begin with and standing to wipe just feels like you're totally exposed when you're already self-conscious and out of your natural shit environment (home). You have the cracks between the hinges and people walking by with pervs looking at you and there's also the threat of total embarassment of someone busting through the door (the lock doesn't even work on a lot) while you're standing dick/balls exposed and your hand in your ass like a dumb prick.

Sitting and wiping is not a big deal, though not at all preferable. Unreal how some of you fuks find it difficult, talking about getting your hand wet and what not. Clearly the most intuitively sound thing to do is to lean and place your body weight on one cheek. You don't ******* sit two cheeks to the lid and try to wipe, are you retarded? Some of you are probably obese, so it may be hard for us slender/fit guys to understand the difficulty fat asses have with leaning. Couldn't imagine being 300lb and having excess fat slope over my sides and having so much weight that it's basically impossible to lean without falling over.

The good thing is your body usually gets on a cycle and your brain basically sends a signal to your digestive system letting it know that it prefers to shit at home. It is very rare (maybe twice a year) that I have to shit in a public restroom.

But in a completely closed, comfortable restroom at home, or even say a friend's house, standing is 100% without a doubt the way to go. For one, you can dig and really get it out, and you also have a full range of motion. You can also more easily examine the sample from the tissue and discard of it more promptly.

Basically the best system.

[UntilTheNDofTimE]

ur avatar is taking a shit sunde huh

[Sunde91]

Unreal I just spent all that time writing about SHITTING.

Bout to kill myself.

Reasoning: lack of a life.

[hoopster42]

if you wipe while sitting its more effective because your ass cheeks are spread out when youre sitting on the toilet, if you stand up and wipe your ass cheeks will clench together and you have to kind of bend your knees a bit to get your ass cheeks apart again, so yeah i would say that i wipe sitting whenever i'm in a house, but if i'm taking a shit in a public restroom then i tend to get up and wipe just to get the fukk off the toilet seat

[Sunde91]

if you wipe while sitting its more effective because your ass cheeks are spread out when youre sitting on the toilet, if you stand up and wipe your ass cheeks will clench together and you have to kind of bend your knees a bit to get your ass cheeks apart again, so yeah i would say that i wipe sitting whenever i'm in a house, but if i'm taking a shit in a public restroom then i tend to get up and wipe just to get the fukk off the toilet seat

You're living a backwards life. I pity you..

[hoopster42]

You're living a backwards life. I pity you..

my life is pretty great actually, probably way better than yours

[DOMINATER]

How the hell can you stand and get it clean, never heard of that I wipe sitting then immediately hit the shower, only when I was in the service or had taken a vacation did I only wipe. then I will get toilet paper wet it in the sink then wash it or you those hand wipes to wash after, great topic bj most guys are pigs or they don't know any better. If you follow thesr rules you will never have problems back there. nice to see your still here B.J. my Italian buddy. you were from Pennsylvania right?

[JohnGalt2341]

How the hell can you stand and get it clean,

Have you ever tried it? Which would be easier... getting a tattoo on your ass while your sitting on the toilet or getting a tattoo on your ass while your standing?

[ThaWoj]

im a stander. always was, always will be.

i try to plan my shits right before i get in the shower to minimize tp use. guarantees a total cleaning as well

[baskets]

I usually let my aftermath farts raise me in the air like I'm levitating or flying on some Arabian carpet, then I turn on the vacuum cleaner which is right next to the toilet below my as I hovercraft.

Presents a battle of epic proportions as my farts sustain me in the air and while the reverse air sucking from the vacuum cleaner (plus gravity) pulls me down.

Vacuum cleaner bag gets full of mud and you've got an air-dry wiping that no pieces of leaves, toilet paper, cloth or left hand can outdo.

[TexansFan]

You stand up in public bathrooms with people next to you in the stall to wipe your asshole? What if diarrhea runs down your leg when you stand up? You clowns are retards when it comes to taking a shit.

First, I drop my trousers sit on the toilet, tuck my rooster between the seat and the hole, piss, shit, do the drill. Put iPhone away after about 10 minutes, fill my mitt with TP, reach behind my ass, wipe from my asshole back. If it is really dirt, I go under and make sure everything is gone. Its elementary. Standing up is for retards that can't wipe their ass.

I think you wipe standing up because you weren't taught well as a toddler and its the only thing you know.

[UntilTheNDofTimE]

This was the best sbr thread ever

[ThaWoj]

This was the best sbr thread ever

it was pretty funny. probably ranks up there with the danieltag/cole baritromo thread -->

http://forum.sbrforum.com/sportsbooks-industry/932470-sportsbook-com-has-disabled-my-account-25-000-balance-after-winning-sb-parlays.html

[Lookingtostart]

How the hell do you wipe your ass sitting down, seriously?

[stevenash]

im a stander. always was, always will be.

i try to plan my shits right before i get in the shower to minimize tp use. guarantees a total cleaning as well

This, but if you wipe standing up, and not shower, chances become greater that you'll get those racing streaks on your tighty whities.

[daneblazer]

Ever have an endless wipe? It just goes and goes without end? You have to burn through a roll of toilet paper and flush the toilet about 4 times?

[Lookingtostart]

Ever have an endless wipe? It just goes and goes without end? You have to burn through a roll of toilet paper and flush the toilet about 4 times?

I know what you mean, lemon in your diet helps alleviate that and improve your time spent (less) wiping.

[stevenash]

Ever have an endless wipe? It just goes and goes without end? You have to burn through a roll of toilet paper and flush the toilet about 4 times?

Yes, those endless wipes are annoying.

Best dump I ever had was a few years ago, I pitched a perfect 8 inch horseshoed shape dookie, slid right out, nice and firm I might add, it was I tell you what, the perfect deuce, my only regret was I did not have a digital camera handy, or else I would have posted that bad boy.

Now, here's the best part, I go to wipe, nothing on the Charmin, the toilet paper remained pearly white after wiping.

I almost cried when I flushed that masterpiece.

[JAKEPEAVY21]

Yes, those endless wipes are annoying.

Best dump I ever had was a few years ago, I pitched a perfect 8 inch horseshoed shape dookie, slid right out, nice and firm I might add, it was I tell you what, the perfect deuce, my only regret was I did not have a digital camera handy, or else I would have posted that bad boy.

Now, here's the best part, I go to wipe, nothing on the Charmin, the toilet paper remained pearly white after wiping.

I almost cried when I flushed that masterpiece.

[decado]

you wipe? awesome thread here, by the way.

actually, the ones below are common in asia and middle east. no paper, just water.

[DOMINATER]

Doug, wow all the info on something we learn when we arer 2 or 3 years old. I would hate to ask you how to change a bulb, only kidding you gave me a good laugh great job.

[Dutch]

I've never heard of standing to wipe your ass. Completely surprised to hear it's so common. And then guys thinking you reach between your legs to wipe? WTF?

1. Lean forward while sitting,
2. Reach around, press TP against your taint
3. Wipe up, drop TP into toilet, repeat until TP comes out clean.
4. Stand up, pulling your pants up at the same time
5. Flush
6. Wash hands
7. Go to computer, watch some porn

Anything else would be uncivilized.

[Big Bear]

I've never heard of standing to wipe your ass. Completely surprised to hear it's so common. And then guys thinking you reach between your legs to wipe? WTF?

1. Lean forward while sitting,
2. Reach around, press TP against your taint
3. Wipe up, drop TP into toilet, repeat until TP comes out clean.
4. Stand up, pulling your pants up at the same time
5. Flush

6. Wash hands
7. Go to computer, watch some porn

Anything else would be uncivilized.

Bingo. most impotantly WASH YOUR HANDS. Had some fukk in my college dorm tell me he didnt need to wash his hands bc his hand only touched the TP not his ass. Gross shit, wash your hands people.

[AlphaOmega]

Bingo. most impotantly WASH YOUR HANDS. Had some fukk in my college dorm tell me he didnt need to wash his hands bc his hand only touched the TP not his ass. Gross shit, wash your hands people.

The "Stink Palm" would you like some chocolate falvored pretzels?

[TodayIsForgotten]

I stand and i'm an advocate of wiping back to front. You don't realize how much shit you miss. Now we know why i have skid marks in my bvd's, son. Not no more.

[Big Bear]

The "Stink Palm" would you like some chocolate falvored pretzels?

eww