What kind of spider did I just find in my pad?

[RogueScholar]

LOL, sleeping with one eye open is right.

My first summer at college one of those bastards squeezed its fat ass under my door at night, and the sound of it scraping against the cheap, hollow door thankfully woke me up. After shrieking like a girl, I grabbed one of my sneakers and beat it to a pulp on the rug. Coming from California I'd never seen a bug that big, and I was literally traumatized. Even worse, I was pulling the old 'mattress on the floor' routine, so I'd been eyeball-to-eyeball with the Herculean arachnid before I dispatched it. You know, they really do have faces...

My commotion woke the cute 35 year old who owned the house, but he was less than sympathetic. I asked in my sweetest voice to spend the night in his bed for fear of retribution from my victim's spider buddies, but he was having none of it. To this day I think he missed out on a great experience, at that moment I would've done anything to have someone make me feel safe again. I mean anything...

Deuce, stop posting about this shit and go have hot spidey-sex with someone who feels some sympathy for your moment of terror. When life hands you lemons, ya know?

[tevari]

LOL, sleeping with one eye open is right.

My first summer at college one of those bastards squeezed its fat ass under my door at night, and the sound of it scraping against the cheap, hollow door thankfully woke me up. After shrieking like a girl, I grabbed one of my sneakers and beat it to a pulp on the rug. Coming from California I'd never seen a bug that big, and I was literally traumatized. Even worse, I was pulling the old 'mattress on the floor' routine, so I'd been eyeball-to-eyeball with the Herculean arachnid before I dispatched it. You know, they really do have faces...

My commotion woke the cute 35 year old who owned the house, but he was less than sympathetic. I asked in my sweetest voice to spend the night in his bed for fear of retribution from my victim's spider buddies, but he was having none of it. To this day I think he missed out on a great experience, at that moment I would've done anything to have someone make me feel safe again. I mean anything...

Deuce, stop posting about this shit and go have hot spidey-sex with someone who feels some sympathy for your moment of terror. When life hands you lemons, ya know?

Your post was one of the few on SBR that made me laugh out loud. Probably your use of adjectives. Nicely done.

[opie1988]

Nah, your sister found it when I smacked the frizz from her mouth and she fell off the bed onto the fukkin floor. That is where she found it. She spit the frizz out and screamed, I told her to settle the fukk down before she gets the belt.

[PAULYPOKER]

Wolf Spider


(images via: Opoterser, Dreamstime and KozmicDreams)
What is it about seeing spiders close-up that gives us the willies? Especially big, hairy spiders… like that Wolf Spider on your thigh. Heh, just kidding, let go of the chandelier and keep reading. Wolf Spiders (family Lycosidae) have eight eyes like most spiders but the central pair are much larger than the other six, giving its shaggy, fanged face an especially sinister aspect. Wolf Spiders are found in virtually every part of the world not covered with ice or snow, and their bodies can grow to just over an inch wide.
(image via: The Sun UK)
An interesting (or repulsive) characteristic of Wolf Spiders is their curiously affectionate style of child care – theirs, not yours. After carefully carrying her egg case with her as she hunts for food, the female Wolf Spider allows herself to become a combination taxi and nursery when dozens of baby spiderlings hatch and climb up onto her abdomen.

[wikkidinsane]

That is one ugly looking spider

[onlooker]

Worse thing we have here are Black Widows. Fukers can lay 3 to 4 eggs a year, that house 400-800 babies. Fukers want to take over the world.

I had one at the opening of my garage door, and I let her be, to keep the bug count down in that area. The bitch kept sneaking in a egg, but I would remove it. One day I found a scorpion, and threw it in her web. Well that scorpion got a lucky strike and hit the b!tch. She froze up and fell off her web. Well, the scorpion got a stomp from my shoe. Sad story, I know. The world is cruel.

I hate fuking spiders though. At least the Black Widows stay outside.

[frizzelli]

What the fuk you laughing at?

[opie1988]

What the fuk you laughing at?

Deuce's quote regarding your sister and his ejaculatory fluid.

Did you not read it? It was pure gold.