ODDS on your own SUICIDE

[BeatTheJerk]

BTJ.

You gotta elaborate on the MS shit ?
I sure hope you don't have MS
The back pain you gotta learn to live with
With time and a lot of trial and error
you should get it on a more benign level

But the MS just blew my mind ...
That would be a huge problem
Get to the doctor and find out for sure on
that right away ... don't even bring up
your back .... go there specifically
for MS worries , get comprehensive blood panel ,a
complete neurological test , and even though
it's costly.... you must get a MRI of your brain

Damn bro .... we all dealing with something
But MS is a str8 up whore of a bitch ....

Hope that isn't the case brother

Well that condition runs in my family & before I saw my primary doctor I had lot of the signs of MS. Like daily fatigue for one, even though I keep myself in pretty decent shape, but what is happening I have my self getting weaker through the years. The weights I lift are getting lighter & lighter I can only do the machines now & no longer can do free weights. I’m 38 & I do know I have DDD for sure I was diagnosed 10 years ago right before my first epidural steroid injection to my lower lumbar. Other Symptoms are blurred vision & coordination balance issues/vertigo ,constant urination & muscle spasms all over my body my back being the worst of it. I just don’t feel right bro at my age.

[BeatTheJerk]

I’m in the process of getting all the proper test to verify my claim. My primary doctor said I’m in the early stages of MS most likely due to this disease being in my family.

[BeatTheJerk]

Just going to the grocery store for an hour and bringing the groceries in from my car I’m fuckin’ exhausted & I have to wear my back support how pathetic

[edawg]

Life is a fist fight you really don't know who you are till you get smashed in the face then you see what's what. Try to find a good PT they will be invaluable. Try to stay away from machines when working out if at all possible and just use light resistance bands or dumbells(they make them in 2lb if need be) machines work muscle not motion and you will need to work motion and activate your stabilizers. Best of Luck!

[BeatTheJerk]

Life is a fist fight you really don't know who you are till you get smashed in the face then you see what's what. Try to find a good PT they will be invaluable. Try to stay away from machines when working out if at all possible and just use light resistance bands or dumbells(they make them in 2lb if need be) machines work muscle not motion and you will need to work motion and activate your stabilizers. Best of Luck!

I’ll take that into consideration. Who knew this thread would turn into a self help book for me not taking my life one day down the road. No I do appreciate anything & everything you guys can offer me as far as advice

[BetterBizness]

as weird as the thread is it's a great baseline for a mental health check.

It's basically "Rate your happyness on a scale of 1-10" but in our degenerate terms.

[PharaohUB]

Wow thank you for sharing you have definitely come a long way & I commend you for the long road back. I won’t forget this when & if I become broke.

Thanks man for sure. It was rough but I learned some good life lessons. Thank god I had a great support group of friends. The fact that I owed them money was what kept me from jumping in front of that train when it pulled into the station. I didn't want to let them down, and decided I had to make it good with them before I called it quits. By the time I found myself into a position I could pay them back I was well on my way to improving my situation. I've lent a few friends money in my life recently. Most paid me back, but one didn't. I don't let it bother me. I made a promise to myself if anyone asked me for help I would help them if I was able, because you never know if you're saving someone's life. It's not easy to ask a friend for help like that, and usually they are in a worse situation then they are letting on, because of ego.

[edawg]

"When you get discouraged" Mike Westhoff NY Jets special teams coach on hard knocks.

[ThaWoj]

I've always considered. Ever since 21 when my gf of 6 years broke up with me and I dropped out of college. Gambled my whole life away. Owe so much money. Student loans 100k that I didn't even finish..will never pay those back. Credit sucks. Old car that will die one day. Have a decent job that pays well because I work 60 hrs a week but I have nothing saved because I gamble everything away. The sad thing is I win a lot but I always blow it. I've had balances at btc books over 1 btc several times and never cashed out. I've probably bought $100k worth of crypto which now I have none. I even held some cheap alt coins for YEARS and had to sell everything..of course in the last 6 months everything has blown up. I could be rich right now.

Sad life. Burned bridges with family. No friends. No gf no wife. Overweight. Depressed 24/7. Blew everything I had in life. I've done some bad things to get money too. F me.

[ChuckyTheGoat]

I’ll take that into consideration. Who knew this thread would turn into a self help book for me not taking my life one day down the road. No I do appreciate anything & everything you guys can offer me as far as advice

Jerky, pretty good crop of dudes here at SBR.

My perspective on SBR. Check your skin color at the door. Black/brown/white, doesn't matter. Only color that matters is green, as in green-backs. Or maybe gold.

Props to anyone who posted in here. You live and learn and do your best. That's the best you can do.

[BeatTheJerk]

I've always considered. Ever since 21 when my gf of 6 years broke up with me and I dropped out of college. Gambled my whole life away. Owe so much money. Student loans 100k that I didn't even finish..will never pay those back. Credit sucks. Old car that will die one day. Have a decent job that pays well because I work 60 hrs a week but I have nothing saved because I gamble everything away. The sad thing is I win a lot but I always blow it. I've had balances at btc books over 1 btc several times and never cashed out. I've probably bought $100k worth of crypto which now I have none. I even held some cheap alt coins for YEARS and had to sell everything..of course in the last 6 months everything has blown up. I could be rich right now.

Sad life. Burned bridges with family. No friends. No gf no wife. Overweight. Depressed 24/7. Blew everything I had in life. I've done some bad things to get money too. F me.

At least you have a job/career, you can rely on regardless how you spend/blow it. It’s your cycle, If I can’t continue to make money in the sports betting industry which is a good probability at some point down the road. I’ll be broke, homeless and alone hopefully my son will be in college or on his own by then so he doesn’t see his fathers demise.

[BeatTheJerk]

Jerky, pretty good crop of dudes here at SBR.

My perspective on SBR. Check your skin color at the door. Black/brown/white, doesn't matter. Only color that matters is green, as in green-backs. Or maybe gold.

Props to anyone who posted in here. You live and learn and do your best. That's the best you can do.

Amen brother you’re at the top of the crop I must say from my POV.

[mjsuax13]

Yeah I’m having trouble holding down a job these days doing anything for 8 hrs at a time due to my chronic back pain. I’ve had 3 different employers this year from my usual electrical work, to warehouse work & even Security/Surveillance job at a Casino & every time it’s the same thing. My back flares up & I start to have back spasms during my shift which affects my productivity & my mental capacity to do my job. I’m in the process of finding a good neurological doctor to get an MRI for a second opinion so I can prove to the state that I have MS and DDD I may be able to qualify for social security disability which is really nothing maybe 1200 a month, but that will help with some bills/expenses. If I can’t take care of my son and myself I really don’t want to live pal.

Keep your head up. Your son needs you no matter what. Best days ahead.

[BeatTheJerk]

Keep your head up. Your son needs you no matter what. Best days ahead.

Thank you brother for the good omen.

[Itsamazing777]

vitterd -5000

[vitterd]

vitterd -5000

I’m not going anywhere. After that video you posted......I have thought about it though.

[mjsuax13]

Thank you brother for the good omen.

Let me tell you something Jerky. First- keep your head up. Health is tough but you are tougher and will prevail. Second, you are doing the most important job right now and that’s being there for your son. It’s more important than anything you could ever provide. I understand basic life necessities but beyond that all the stuff piles up to one big pile of shit in the end... and I could fill a landfill with my own shit. I’m the living proof of a great father and so is your son. I don’t need to bore you with the back story but my dad raised 4 of us single and we always struggled but many moons later those days are over. Stay focused- things will turn.

[BeatTheJerk]

Let me tell you something Jerky. First- keep your head up. Health is tough but you are tougher and will prevail. Second, you are doing the most important job right now and that’s being there for your son. It’s more important than anything you could ever provide. I understand basic life necessities but beyond that all the stuff piles up to one big pile of shit in the end... and I could fill a landfill with my own shit. I’m the living proof of a great father and so is your son. I don’t need to bore you with the back story but my dad raised 4 of us single and we always struggled but many moons later those days are over. Stay focused- things will turn.

I appreciate your words of encouragement.

[manny24]

I’m not going anywhere. After that video you posted......I have thought about it though.

[mjsuax13]

I appreciate your words of encouragement.

A lot of people ask me
Am I afraid of death?
Hell yeah, I'm afraid of death
I don't want to die yet
A lot of people think that I worship the devil
That I do all types of retarded shit
Look, I can't change the way I think
And I can't change the way I am
But if I offended you
Good
'Cause I still don't give a penetrate
I'm zoning off of one joint stopping a limo
Hopped in the window, shopping a demo at gunpoint
A lyricist without a clue, what year is this?
penetrate a needle here's a sword, body pierce with this
Living amok, never giving a penetrate
Gimme the keys, I'm drunk and I've never driven a truck
But I smoke dope in a cab
I'll stab you with the sharpest knife I can grab
Come back the next week and re-open your scab
A killer instinct runs in the blood
Emptying full clips and burying guns in the mud
I've calmed down now I was heavy once into drugs
I could walk around straight for two months with a buzz
My brain's gone, my soul's worn and my spirit is torn
The rest of my body's still being operated on
I'm ducked the penetrate down while I'm writing this rhyme
'Cause I'm probably gonna get struck with lightning this time
For all the weed that I've smoked
Yo this blunt's for you
To all the people I've offended
Yeah, penetrate you too!
To all the friends I used to have
Yo, I miss my past
But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass
For all the drugs that I've done
Yo I'm still gonna do
To all the people I've offended
Yeah, penetrate you too!
For every time I reminisce
Yo, I miss my past
But I still don't give a penetrate, y'all can kiss my ass
I walked into a gunfight with a knife to kill you
And cut you so fast when your blood spilled, it was still blue
I'll hang you till you dangle and chain you with both ankles
And pull you apart from both angles
I wanna crush your skull till your brains leaks out of your veins
And bust open like broken water mains
So tell Saddam not to bother with making another bomb
'Cause I'm crushing the whole world in my palm
Got your girl on my arm and I'm armed with a firearm
So big my entire arm is a giant firebomb
Buy your Mom a shirt with a Slim Shady iron-on
And the pants to match
"Here momma, try 'em on"
I get imaginative with a mouth full of adjectives
A brain full of adverbs, and a box full of laxatives
Causing hospital accidents
God help me before I commit some irresponsible acts again
For all the weed that I've smoked
Yo this blunt's for you
To all the people I've offended
Yeah, penetrate you too!
To all the friends I used to have
Yo, I miss my past
But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass
For all the drugs that I've done
Yo I'm still gonna do
To all the people I've offended
Yeah, penetrate you too!
For every time I reminisce
Yo, I miss my past
But I still don't give a penetrate, y'all can kiss my ass
I wanted an album so rugged nobody could touch it
Spent a million a track and went over my budget
Now how in the penetrate am I supposed to get out of debt?
I can't rap anymore, I just murdered the alphabet
Drug sickness got me doing some bugged twitches
I'm withdrawing from crack so bad my blood itches
I don't rap to get the women, penetrate bitches
Give me a fat slut that cooks and does dishes
Never ran with a clique, I'm a posse
Kamikaze, strapping a motherfucking bomb across me
From the second I was born my Momma lost me
I'm a cross between Manson, Esham and Ozzy
I don't know why the penetrate I'm here in the first place
My worst day on this earth was my first birthday
Retarded? What did that nurse say? Brain damage?
penetrate, I was born during an earthquake
For all the weed that I've smoked
Yo this blunt's for you
To all the people I've offended
Yeah, penetrate you too!
To all the friends I used to have
Yo, I miss my past
But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass
For all the drugs that I've done
Yo I'm still gonna do
To all the people I've offended
Yeah, penetrate you too!
For every time I reminisce
Yo, I miss my past
But I still don't give a penetrate, y'all can kiss my ass

[BeatTheJerk]

A lot of people ask me
Am I afraid of death?
Hell yeah, I'm afraid of death
I don't want to die yet
A lot of people think that I worship the devil
That I do all types of retarded shit
Look, I can't change the way I think
And I can't change the way I am
But if I offended you
Good
'Cause I still don't give a penetrate
I'm zoning off of one joint stopping a limo
Hopped in the window, shopping a demo at gunpoint
A lyricist without a clue, what year is this?
penetrate a needle here's a sword, body pierce with this
Living amok, never giving a penetrate
Gimme the keys, I'm drunk and I've never driven a truck
But I smoke dope in a cab
I'll stab you with the sharpest knife I can grab
Come back the next week and re-open your scab
A killer instinct runs in the blood
Emptying full clips and burying guns in the mud
I've calmed down now I was heavy once into drugs
I could walk around straight for two months with a buzz
My brain's gone, my soul's worn and my spirit is torn
The rest of my body's still being operated on
I'm ducked the penetrate down while I'm writing this rhyme
'Cause I'm probably gonna get struck with lightning this time
For all the weed that I've smoked
Yo this blunt's for you
To all the people I've offended
Yeah, penetrate you too!
To all the friends I used to have
Yo, I miss my past
But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass
For all the drugs that I've done
Yo I'm still gonna do
To all the people I've offended
Yeah, penetrate you too!
For every time I reminisce
Yo, I miss my past
But I still don't give a penetrate, y'all can kiss my ass
I walked into a gunfight with a knife to kill you
And cut you so fast when your blood spilled, it was still blue
I'll hang you till you dangle and chain you with both ankles
And pull you apart from both angles
I wanna crush your skull till your brains leaks out of your veins
And bust open like broken water mains
So tell Saddam not to bother with making another bomb
'Cause I'm crushing the whole world in my palm
Got your girl on my arm and I'm armed with a firearm
So big my entire arm is a giant firebomb
Buy your Mom a shirt with a Slim Shady iron-on
And the pants to match
"Here momma, try 'em on"
I get imaginative with a mouth full of adjectives
A brain full of adverbs, and a box full of laxatives
Causing hospital accidents
God help me before I commit some irresponsible acts again
For all the weed that I've smoked
Yo this blunt's for you
To all the people I've offended
Yeah, penetrate you too!
To all the friends I used to have
Yo, I miss my past
But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass
For all the drugs that I've done
Yo I'm still gonna do
To all the people I've offended
Yeah, penetrate you too!
For every time I reminisce
Yo, I miss my past
But I still don't give a penetrate, y'all can kiss my ass
I wanted an album so rugged nobody could touch it
Spent a million a track and went over my budget
Now how in the penetrate am I supposed to get out of debt?
I can't rap anymore, I just murdered the alphabet
Drug sickness got me doing some bugged twitches
I'm withdrawing from crack so bad my blood itches
I don't rap to get the women, penetrate bitches
Give me a fat slut that cooks and does dishes
Never ran with a clique, I'm a posse
Kamikaze, strapping a motherfucking bomb across me
From the second I was born my Momma lost me
I'm a cross between Manson, Esham and Ozzy
I don't know why the penetrate I'm here in the first place
My worst day on this earth was my first birthday
Retarded? What did that nurse say? Brain damage?
penetrate, I was born during an earthquake
For all the weed that I've smoked
Yo this blunt's for you
To all the people I've offended
Yeah, penetrate you too!
To all the friends I used to have
Yo, I miss my past
But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass
For all the drugs that I've done
Yo I'm still gonna do
To all the people I've offended
Yeah, penetrate you too!
For every time I reminisce
Yo, I miss my past
But I still don't give a penetrate, y'all can kiss my ass

MJ steadily spittin’ bars galore~
High as fuk on bud tryna’ find a whore~
No way to tell if da motherphucka bout to score~

He sees the light when the powder goes up his nose~
Sloppy as fuk snortin’ , gotta 8 ball on his clothes~
Winners is all we chase cuz it’s all we knows~

that’s all I got I’m sober

[BrickJames]

Completely broke in NYC. Parents cut me off. Didn’t have a place to stay for awhile. Didn’t tell anyone. Would do my best to hang out with friends and crash on their couch. If that fell through I’d sleep under my office desk. Showered at the gym. Was trying to keep up a professional demeanor while basically being homeless. Had some clothes stored in my desk at the office. Was lieing to everyone when things seems off with me or why I didn’t invite girls over I was dating etc. Defaulted on my storage unit and lost all of my belongings. Owed everyone money. Bills piling up. Credit score in the 400s. Didn’t see any way out my situation and considered suicide. I ended up meeting a girl who basically saved my life. Let me stay at hers for a little while and get my shit together. Got a better job that paid better and that allowed me to work anywhere. Left NYC and moved south. Repaid everyone with interest and almost done paying off my student loans and in a position now to buy a home. I’m a little behind where I’d like to be at 36 but I really can’t complain. Repaired relationship with my family. It almost doesn’t feel real that I was in that situation now. I now have a two bedroom two bathroom to myself and my dog. Me and the girl broke up but we’re still close and actually going to Vegas together in a couple weeks.

How did you get into such a bad spot?

Gambling?
Poor decisions?

[thezbar]

Off the board. I had a relative commit suicide the day he was supposed to sign his divorce papers. There is no way I would ever to that.

[mjsuax13]

MJ steadily spittin’ bars galore~
High as fuk on bud tryna’ find a whore~
No way to tell if da motherphucka bout to score~

He sees the light when the powder goes up his nose~
Sloppy as fuk snortin’ , gotta 8 ball on his clothes~
Winners is all we chase cuz it’s all we knows~

that’s all I got I’m sober

BAM.

[pologq]

Completely broke in NYC. Parents cut me off. Didn’t have a place to stay for awhile. Didn’t tell anyone. Would do my best to hang out with friends and crash on their couch. If that fell through I’d sleep under my office desk. Showered at the gym. Was trying to keep up a professional demeanor while basically being homeless. Had some clothes stored in my desk at the office. Was lieing to everyone when things seems off with me or why I didn’t invite girls over I was dating etc. Defaulted on my storage unit and lost all of my belongings. Owed everyone money. Bills piling up. Credit score in the 400s. Didn’t see any way out my situation and considered suicide. I ended up meeting a girl who basically saved my life. Let me stay at hers for a little while and get my shit together. Got a better job that paid better and that allowed me to work anywhere. Left NYC and moved south. Repaid everyone with interest and almost done paying off my student loans and in a position now to buy a home. I’m a little behind where I’d like to be at 36 but I really can’t complain. Repaired relationship with my family. It almost doesn’t feel real that I was in that situation now. I now have a two bedroom two bathroom to myself and my dog. Me and the girl broke up but we’re still close and actually going to Vegas together in a couple weeks.

thank you for sharing. very cool how you turned it around. i am glad to hear.

[pologq]

I’ll take that into consideration. Who knew this thread would turn into a self help book for me not taking my life one day down the road. No I do appreciate anything & everything you guys can offer me as far as advice

that is what we are here for. i am really sorry to hear about your issues/troubles. back pain is awful. serious back pain, where it is debilitating, gets marginalized by some but in reality it might be one of the worst things out there.

[BeatTheJerk]

that is what we are here for. i am really sorry to hear about your issues/troubles. back pain is awful. serious back pain, where it is debilitating, gets marginalized by some but in reality it might be one of the worst things out there.

Yeah I got a few old friends & family members think I’m full of shit, plus they know I gamble for income so from afar it may look bad, but those people don’t truly know me. They aren’t close in my life to know about my physical struggles they just here about it.

[d2bets]

Depends how you define it. I might do it if I was already near-death and in horrible physical pain. Otherwise, 0 chance.

[TheGoldenGoose]

My chances of committing suicide are zero. I'm the proud father of an adult disabled son who depends on me every single day. As long as I have an ounce of fight in me then I'm answering that bell every single day.

@ BeatTheJerk: The world can be a very lonely place. As evidenced in this thread it would be a very lonelier place without you here at SBR. In the words of Rocky's trainer, Mickey Goldmill, "I didn't hear no bell" GET UP YOU SON OF A BIATCH... because SBR loves you.

[BeatTheJerk]

My chances of committing suicide are zero. I'm the proud father of an adult disabled son who depends on me every single day. As long as I have an ounce of fight in me then I'm answering that bell every single day.

@ BeatTheJerk: The world can be a very lonely place. As evidenced in this thread it would be a very lonelier place without you here at SBR. In the words of Rocky's trainer, Mickey Goldmill, "I didn't hear no bell" GET UP YOU SON OF A BIATCH... because SBR loves you.

Thank you brother you & the other posters who chose to share encouraging words it means a lot. This might sound pathetic, but I don’t have a lot of close friends anymore & some of you guys on here fulfill that role I need to feel normal. My circle is very small now in life & I’m ok with that, but a gambling brother/friend I can relate to the most & that’s where you guys come in.

[pologq]

My chances of committing suicide are zero. I'm the proud father of an adult disabled son who depends on me every single day. As long as I have an ounce of fight in me then I'm answering that bell every single day.

@ BeatTheJerk: The world can be a very lonely place. As evidenced in this thread it would be a very lonelier place without you here at SBR. In the words of Rocky's trainer, Mickey Goldmill, "I didn't hear no bell" GET UP YOU SON OF A BIATCH... because SBR loves you.

you are a good father to think that way

[BeatTheJerk]

you are a good father to think that way

+1.

[edawg]

you are a good father to think that way

100% correct you either come back with your shield or on it.

[pologq]

Thank you brother you & the other posters who chose to share encouraging words it means a lot. This might sound pathetic, but I don’t have a lot of close friends anymore & some of you guys on here fulfill that role I need to feel normal. My circle is very small now in life & I’m ok with that, but a gambling brother/friend I can relate to the most & that’s where you guys come in.

not pathetic at all. close friends are hard to come by.

i have a lot of acquaintances but not a lot of friends. i have a ton of cousins that talk when they want to talk. if i don't chase, i won't really hear from them. i already know when my parents are gone i will be lonely unless i get in a relationship. scares me at times when i think of that.

[LongBall52]

A mind is a terrible thing