Portland isn’t just a city filled with hippies, liberals, and nude bikers. It offers so much more. Sure, it’s filled with everything aforementioned, but a new attraction has begun to spring up around the city lately. Not only will you find some of the strangest people in this nation, you’ll also have the pleasure of experiencing the new infestation of airborne dildos that has taken over the city.
Nobody is sure as to why someone has such a desire to empty their sex toy collection onto the streets of Portland, but over the last few days, “hundreds” of dildos have been found hanging from power lines over major roads around the city.
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<iframe id="twitter-widget-0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true" class="twitter-tweet twitter-tweet-rendered" allowfullscreen="" title="Twitter Tweet" height="653" style="border-style: none; border-width: initial; font-family: inherit; font-size: 17.6000003814697px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; box-sizing: border-box; max-width: 100%; min-width: 220px; display: block; position: static; visibility: visible; width: 500px;"></iframe></center>I wasn’t shitting you. There are literally hundreds of giant rubber dicks hanging in clear view for all of the citizens of Portland to enjoy.
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<iframe id="twitter-widget-1" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true" class="twitter-tweet twitter-tweet-rendered" allowfullscreen="" title="Twitter Tweet" height="820" style="border-style: none; border-width: initial; font-family: inherit; font-size: 17.6000003814697px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; box-sizing: border-box; max-width: 100%; min-width: 220px; display: block; position: static; visibility: visible; width: 500px;"></iframe><iframe id="twitter-widget-2" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true" class="twitter-tweet twitter-tweet-rendered" allowfullscreen="" title="Twitter Tweet" height="519" style="border-style: none; border-width: initial; font-family: inherit; font-size: 17.6000003814697px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; box-sizing: border-box; max-width: 100%; min-width: 220px; display: block; position: static; visibility: visible; width: 500px;"></iframe><iframe id="twitter-widget-3" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true" class="twitter-tweet twitter-tweet-rendered" allowfullscreen="" title="Twitter Tweet" height="675" style="border-style: none; border-width: initial; font-family: inherit; font-size: 17.6000003814697px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; box-sizing: border-box; max-width: 100%; min-width: 220px; display: block; position: static; visibility: visible; width: 500px;"></iframe><iframe class="instagram-media instagram-media-rendered" id="instagram-embed-0" src="https://instagram.com/p/5Gg8n4sQ0k/embed/?v=4" allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" height="738" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-0" scrolling="no" style="border-width: 0px; border-style: initial; font-family: inherit; font-size: 17.6000003814697px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 1px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; box-sizing: border-box; max-width: 658px; width: calc(100% - 2px); border-radius: 4px; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px 0px 1px 0px, rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.14902) 0px 1px 10px 0px; display: block; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"></iframe></center>The last picture is penetrating art.
I debated sailboating those images, but I figured you pervs play with yourselves enough to have a solid idea of what we’re looking at here regardless of my censoring efforts. Besides, every other news outlet decided to blur it out, and what’s the point of an article about dildos on a power line without a picture of said dildos on a power line?
The hanging rubber schlongs are the work of an unknown — and generous — genius, who has quietly coated the city with the timeless entertainment of inappropriate sex toys.
From Yahoo:
The large white and bright orange dildos appear to have been strung together in pairs, and have prompted numerous reports to the Portland Office of Neighborhood Involvement, department spokeswoman Lisa Leddy said on Monday.
A spokesman for public utility Portland General Electric said he did not believe the rubber products posed a fire hazard.
I can only imagine a world in which the headlines were crafted to eloquently detail fires triggered by wire-dwelling sex toys..
A spokesman for public utility Portland General Electric said he did not believe the rubber products posed a fire hazard.