My wife had been thrown in the position of caring for her 80-something year old father. She is the baby of the family. My wife, and I, have been caring for him for the majority of the last 21 years, because people would always take advantage of him, and leave him out to dry. The man was so kindhearted that he would give the other 2 kids all of his money, and go without hardly any food. We had to bring him into our house to protect him from being taken advantage of, and frankly protect him from his kindness.
Eventually, he got to the point where he physically could not take care of himself. My wife got medical power of attorney so that serious decisions could be made. This was a tedious chore on our entire family. We had to have someone up with him 24/7 because he would try to get out of the bed, and possibly fall. Her family would want to see him, but never offered to really help. I would meet the family at an outside location so they could visit, because we didn't want them in our house. He was hurt a year ago, and put in the hospital when he fell. My wife, and I, struggled with whether, or not, to tell her family because we knew that there could be drama involved. We relented, because her father was 82, and having a surgical procedure. They showed up late, 30 minutes before the procedure. It wasn't 15 minutes until her sister started yelling about my wife's dad having a "Do not recessitate" bracelet on, and demanded for it to be taken off immediately. The nurse had to call security, and have the entire family escorted out of the hospital. We have sheltered her father from them for the last year. They have burned my phone up, knocked on our door for up to an hour, and even visited our pastor to try and see him. We never answered them because it was hard enough caring for the old guy, and did not want to have to deal with the interference, and drama from them.
My father in law died yesterday. Now we have to decide whether to tell the family because we know of the drama that will ensue. We are contemplating letting them know after he is buried. I don't want a repeat of the hospital visit. I feel like I'm doing the right thing, but from the outside, without knowing all the facts of past history, it looks like a shitty thing to do. Any comments?
Eventually, he got to the point where he physically could not take care of himself. My wife got medical power of attorney so that serious decisions could be made. This was a tedious chore on our entire family. We had to have someone up with him 24/7 because he would try to get out of the bed, and possibly fall. Her family would want to see him, but never offered to really help. I would meet the family at an outside location so they could visit, because we didn't want them in our house. He was hurt a year ago, and put in the hospital when he fell. My wife, and I, struggled with whether, or not, to tell her family because we knew that there could be drama involved. We relented, because her father was 82, and having a surgical procedure. They showed up late, 30 minutes before the procedure. It wasn't 15 minutes until her sister started yelling about my wife's dad having a "Do not recessitate" bracelet on, and demanded for it to be taken off immediately. The nurse had to call security, and have the entire family escorted out of the hospital. We have sheltered her father from them for the last year. They have burned my phone up, knocked on our door for up to an hour, and even visited our pastor to try and see him. We never answered them because it was hard enough caring for the old guy, and did not want to have to deal with the interference, and drama from them.
My father in law died yesterday. Now we have to decide whether to tell the family because we know of the drama that will ensue. We are contemplating letting them know after he is buried. I don't want a repeat of the hospital visit. I feel like I'm doing the right thing, but from the outside, without knowing all the facts of past history, it looks like a shitty thing to do. Any comments?
