bump
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Mathy, this must be why you aren't coming to the BASH.Comment -
bump
how is Dave doing??Comment -
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he recently met lohan in rehab and apparently nailed her onceComment -
Don't know who dave is, but wow, classic writing here.Comment -
Is Vegas Dave still at SBR??Comment -
I grow tired of so many fat people onlineComment -
I think I just shartedMotivational Speech
Replace Cracker Jacks with jumping jacks.
Replace McDonald's fries with squats for your thunder thighs.
Chewing chocolate bars is not the same as doing chin ups.
Schedule:
7.00 - Wake up
7.01 - Tilt ass and slip out of bed without stepping on empty pizza box.
7.05 - Look in mirror, work on tout routine, tell yourself you are sexy and squeeze
together
7.10 - Go to bathroom, step on scale. Tell yourself that soon the needle will not max out at 285.
7.15 - Go to kitchen, take bacon out of fridge. Look in mirror, ask yourself what the difference is between you and what's in your hand.
7.20 - By now you should be angry at yourself. Go onto balcony. You can wear pants but must remain topless. People walking by will point and laugh and call you names: baby fat, Babe, useless tout phuck, etc. Throw the bacon at them. This will work your arms.
7.30 - Go back to kitchen, open dishwasher and take out some dirty dishes. Lick them clean. This will condition you into thinking that food is not all there is to life.
8.00 - Throw up.
8.05 - Step on scale, see if needle is still at 'max'.
8.30 - Shower. Make sure not to slip in order to have an excuse not to work out for two weeks.
9.00 - Grab the two towels you need to dry your huge ass off.
9.30 - Get your jumpsuite and go to the gym.
10.00 - Survey the women. Find the hottest one in the gym and approach.
10.05 - Say "hey there, my name is Dave, and I am chronically obese. Can you help me get on a workout regime?".
10.06 - If she says sure, follow her instructions. If she tells you to screw off, take out your anger on a punching bag.
12.00 - By now you must be sweaty and starving. You're in luck, I'm going to let you leave the gym!
12.30 - Go to the shadiest part of town. Find a group of brothaz and try your tout routine on them.
12.35 - By now you should be running for your life. This is the best cardio you will get all day. If they don't catch you, great. If they do, maybe they can pound some fat out of you.
1.00 - Go home, relax. A normal person by now would be panicking since he forgot to call work to say he wouldn't be coming in. But you are an unemployed degenerate who thinks he can make his living flipping an unfair coin.
2.00 - Look in mirror for an hour, tell yourself you will lose weight and will look like Quebbler in no time. Do some jumping jacks. Look at those phuckin titties bounce!
3.00 - Go online, look at American health expenditures related to obesity. What a huge number. Blame yourself for all of this.
4.00 - Step on your remote. You will be changing channels on your TV manually now. If you have satellite, loosen the screws on your dish so you have to climb out there to re-align it every 10 minutes.
5.00 - Read a book on the mathematics of sports betting. Try to come to the understanding that you are a loser gambler and will need to get a real job soon.
6.00 - Take a box and unfold it. Write on the remaining piece of cardboard: "Starving. Please help." Go out to busy street corner and sit there. Make sure you wear that retarded headset. This should be the easiest part of your routine since by now your self-confidence should be totally shot.
8.00 - Take out quarter. Practice flipping coins. Record results. You will notice that after 1000 flips, there are more of either heads or tails. Frantically search the internet to see if there is a betting market for coin flipping. Post your picks with write-ups. Ignore any threads that include the words "probability", "variance", etc.
10.00 - Get ready for bed. Put on your Winnie the Pooh pyjamas, brush teeth, and read a fairy tale about the pudgy kid who once beat the bookmaker. Fall asleep and dream of a world where lines aren't efficient estimators of game outcomes.
Repeat
Comment -
I personally think the US should round up all the obese people in this country and put them out on a prairie somewhere in the hot sun and make them work their fat off.
Have you ever seen any of these people? First of all, they are lazy. They can't do any job that requries any exertion, as they are too fat to move their asses out of a chair.
They are also very unclean. These slobs find it difficult to fit into a bathtub and don't dare stand up in a shower for fear they will lose their balance and their goo-filled bodies will bring them crashing down. You've seen them sweating like pigs just by sitting under flourescent lights.
All they do is eat things like Twinkies and Ho Hos and bags full of Doritos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. None of them can fathom a day without a Big Mac and think they will lose weight if they super-size everything but get a Diet Coke to go with it.
The time has come for the United States not to let any fat person get a job in our land.The time has come for every American to boycot any OBESE-owned business--such as their favorite business----Convenient Stores (lots of Slim Jims there_,Gasoline Stations (would never think of walking -- have to gas up),Laundry Mats (washing their tents they wear a daily chore),Resturants (food galore in there),Smoke stores (if you smoke, you might lose weight),and any other business that this LOW life's own that make them AMERICAN dollars.We should and will put a stop to these TOWEL WRAPPED FATTIES.It is a damn disgrace the we the AMERICAN public have towatch these stupid roly-poly adults and children parade around with a Twinkie with cream filling chanting and yelling and smiling. !BOYCOTT ANY AND ALL FATTY-OWNED BUSINESS"S IN THE US NOW! Do not hire these lazy chubs other than shoveling dead slobs to their grave.These type------all FATSOES should and will pay the price.THESE SLOBS COST ME MONEY AT BUSINESS TODAY AND AT THE MAJOR LEAGUE PARKS,LET ALONE HOW MANY FOOTBALL GAMES THIS COMING WEEKENDComment -
mathy was in fukin PEEK form this thread
unrealComment -
Motivational Speech
Replace Cracker Jacks with jumping jacks.
Replace McDonald's fries with squats for your thunder thighs.
Chewing chocolate bars is not the same as doing chin ups.
Schedule:
7.00 - Wake up
7.01 - Tilt ass and slip out of bed without stepping on empty pizza box.
7.05 - Look in mirror, work on tout routine, tell yourself you are sexy and squeeze together
7.10 - Go to bathroom, step on scale. Tell yourself that soon the needle will not max out at 285.
7.15 - Go to kitchen, take bacon out of fridge. Look in mirror, ask yourself what the difference is between you and what's in your hand.
7.20 - By now you should be angry at yourself. Go onto balcony. You can wear pants but must remain topless. People walking by will point and laugh and call you names: baby fat, Babe, useless tout phuck, etc. Throw the bacon at them. This will work your arms.
7.30 - Go back to kitchen, open dishwasher and take out some dirty dishes. Lick them clean. This will condition you into thinking that food is not all there is to life.
8.00 - Throw up.
8.05 - Step on scale, see if needle is still at 'max'.
8.30 - Shower. Make sure not to slip in order to have an excuse not to work out for two weeks.
9.00 - Grab the two towels you need to dry your huge ass off.
9.30 - Get your jumpsuite and go to the gym.
10.00 - Survey the women. Find the hottest one in the gym and approach.
10.05 - Say "hey there, my name is Dave, and I am chronically obese. Can you help me get on a workout regime?".
10.06 - If she says sure, follow her instructions. If she tells you to screw off, take out your anger on a punching bag.
12.00 - By now you must be sweaty and starving. You're in luck, I'm going to let you leave the gym!
12.30 - Go to the shadiest part of town. Find a group of brothaz and try your tout routine on them.
12.35 - By now you should be running for your life. This is the best cardio you will get all day. If they don't catch you, great. If they do, maybe they can pound some fat out of you.
1.00 - Go home, relax. A normal person by now would be panicking since he forgot to call work to say he wouldn't be coming in. But you are an unemployed degenerate who thinks he can make his living flipping an unfair coin.
2.00 - Look in mirror for an hour, tell yourself you will lose weight and will look like Quebbler in no time. Do some jumping jacks. Look at those phuckin titties bounce!
3.00 - Go online, look at American health expenditures related to obesity. What a huge number. Blame yourself for all of this.
4.00 - Step on your remote. You will be changing channels on your TV manually now. If you have satellite, loosen the screws on your dish so you have to climb out there to re-align it every 10 minutes.
5.00 - Read a book on the mathematics of sports betting. Try to come to the understanding that you are a loser gambler and will need to get a real job soon.
6.00 - Take a box and unfold it. Write on the remaining piece of cardboard: "Starving. Please help." Go out to busy street corner and sit there. Make sure you wear that retarded headset. This should be the easiest part of your routine since by now your self-confidence should be totally shot.
8.00 - Take out quarter. Practice flipping coins. Record results. You will notice that after 1000 flips, there are more of either heads or tails. Frantically search the internet to see if there is a betting market for coin flipping. Post your picks with write-ups. Ignore any threads that include the words "probability", "variance", etc.
10.00 - Get ready for bed. Put on your Winnie the Pooh pyjamas, brush teeth, and read a fairy tale about the pudgy kid who once beat the bookmaker. Fall asleep and dream of a world where lines aren't efficient estimators of game outcomes.
Repeat
holy SH*T dude i just read this again this is one of the ILLEST burrials i have ever seen on here
WOWComment -
whatsamatter lochette, they bringin vd back to replace yer goofy ass? why else you bumpin ancient history aint you got no other shit to do like make a video apologizin to somebody for callin 'em a douche?Comment -
Hope Vegas Dave is doing wellComment -
He seems to be on the right track these days.Comment -
Bump. Mathy may be a genius.Where's the fuckin power box, Carol?Comment -
Holy fuk, epic thread, I laughed my balls off again!Comment -
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Feel bad... but at least he eventually realized he can't beat the bookies. (Brock still trying...)Comment -
Another classic thread from HOF poster MathdotcomComment
