Couple of my favorite lawyer 1 liners. Add yours

Deuce · 07-21-12, 10:59 AM

Lawyers are successful at what they do. In most ventures your not successful until you take advantage of others short comings. I/E Brock Landers etc.

Chi_archie · 07-21-12, 11:03 AM

Originally posted by Deuce

Lawyers are successful at what they do. In most ventures your not successful until you take advantage of others short comings. I/E Brock Landers etc.

you'll never make it pal

shari91 · 07-21-12, 11:13 AM

Q: Hi Dad. Will you teach me strong values and the belief that people are inherently good, drive a taxi in law school to save cash for me to go to great schools, show me it's possible to be hopelessly in love with the same person after decades and constantly remind me that I was born where and how I was as a matter of luck and not because I deserved to be?

A. Sure. But I'll always be the asshole lawyer. The same guy that people think they know better than but then come running to when they're in the weeds to come bail them out. If I charge you a fortune you think I'm robbing you. If I do pro bono you think I must suck because I'm working for free. But yeah shari91, do whatever it is you want to in life but don't follow my footsteps. People only love you when they need you but then hate you after.

SlickFazzer · 07-21-12, 11:13 AM

Corey J. Trots

Smoke · 07-21-12, 11:20 AM

unreal

romecloneout · 07-21-12, 11:29 AM

saloon this shit now....unreal the shit you guys leave in pt

opie1988 · 07-21-12, 11:31 AM

Originally posted by romecloneout

saloon this shit now....unreal the shit you guys leave in pt

you forgot hahahaha and lol.

The Kraken · 07-21-12, 12:51 PM

What do you call 100,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start

What do you call an attorney with no arms?
Trust worthy

You know you're attorney if you have a son name bill and a daughter named sue

dngf · 07-21-12, 01:04 PM

What's a crying shame?

A busload of lawyers going over a cliff with one empty seat

Brock Landers · 07-21-12, 01:07 PM

Originally posted by Deuce

Lawyers are successful at what they do. In most ventures your not successful until you take advantage of others short comings. I/E Brock Landers etc.

Is there something you're trying to say??

Boner_18 · 07-21-12, 01:08 PM

HAHAHAH. Jerks.

My favorite is:

"I charge $325/hr."

Deuce · 07-21-12, 01:08 PM

Originally posted by Brock Landers

Is there something you're trying to say??

Yes

Walkers has made thousands off your sickness and many others.

mynameismud · 07-21-12, 01:15 PM

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

ronald · 07-21-12, 01:16 PM

Walker, shouldn't you be sensitive to the lawyers that post here at SBR?

Al Masters · 07-21-12, 01:26 PM

What do you get when you put 25 lawyers and 25 lesbianS together?

50 people who don't do dick.

The Kraken · 07-21-12, 01:28 PM

Walker, was this a personal attack on Boner18?

Walker, beautiful exectution

Inkwell77 · 07-21-12, 01:30 PM

Bernie an old Jewish codger, was critically ill.Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer.
"I want to become a lawyer. How much is it for that express degreeyou told me about?"
"It's $50,000", the lawyer said, "But why? You'll be deadsoon, why do you want to become a lawyer?"
"That's my business!" answers Bernie, "Get me thecourse!"

Four days later, Bernie got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedsidemaking sure his bill would be paid.
Suddenlythe old man was racked with fits of coughing, and it was clear that this wouldbe the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "PleaseBernie, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to get a law degree sobadly before you died?"

In afaint whisper, as he breathed his last, Bernie said: "One less Jewishlawyer"

UntilTheNDofTimE · 07-21-12, 01:41 PM

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Can someone explain this i dont get it??

UntilTheNDofTimE · 07-21-12, 01:44 PM

Originally posted by Boner_18

HAHAHAH. Jerks.

My favorite is:

"I charge $325/hr."

Well your much cheaper than the accountant i know

stuntin909 · 07-21-12, 02:40 PM

Originally posted by UntilTheNDofTimE

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Can someone explain this i dont get it??

I heard this and all the other jokes listed in form of a racist black joke. Just replace "lawyer" with "black guy" and you'll get it.

hawley · 07-21-12, 02:42 PM

Denny crane

UntilTheNDofTimE · 07-21-12, 02:48 PM

Originally posted by stuntin909

I heard this and all the other jokes listed in form of a racist black joke. Just replace "lawyer" with "black guy" and you'll get it.

At first thought i assumed it was a hanging. But wasnt sure.

SBR_John · 07-21-12, 03:31 PM

Nah, we love Boner around here. Heck, I haven't paid $325/hr since the 90's so he's cool.

Lot of good lawyer jokes though.

dngf · 07-21-12, 04:46 PM

A lawyer dies and goes to the pearly gates. But, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. St. Peter seeing this lawyer, gets up, leaves the gate, walks to the end of the line where the lawyer is standing. St. Peter gives him a big hello. Then St. Peter and one of his angels took the lawyer by the hands and guided him to the front of the line into a soft chair by St. Peter's desk.

The lawyer asks, what makes me so special.

St. Peter - Well, I added up all the hours that you have billed your clients, and figure you must be at least 167.

WvGambler · 07-21-12, 04:57 PM

What's red, 5 inches long and causes your girlfriend to cry when you make her eat it?

Her miscarriage.

(wait that has nothing to do with lawyers.)

QuantumLeap · 07-21-12, 04:57 PM

Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
A: One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Q: What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.

Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.

PickWinnerAllDay · 07-21-12, 04:59 PM

PickWinnerAllDay · 07-21-12, 05:00 PM

Originally posted by WvGambler

What's red, 5 inches long and causes your girlfriend to cry when you make her eat it?

Her miscarriage.

(wait that has nothing to do with lawyers.)

The Kraken · 07-21-12, 05:03 PM

Originally posted by QuantumLeap

Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
A: One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Q: What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.

Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.

laernu:unreal

PickWinnerAllDay · 07-21-12, 05:07 PM

140	Top Civil Servants; Professors and Research Scientists.
130	Physicians and Surgeons; Lawyers; Engineers (Civil and Mechanical)
120	School Teachers; Pharmacists; Accountants; Nurses; Stenographers; Managers.
110	Foremen; Clerks; Telephone Operators; Salesmen; Policemen; Electricians.
100+	Machine Operators; Shopkeepers; Butchers; Welders; Sheet Metal Workers.
100-	Warehousemen; Carpenters; Cooks and Bakers; Small Farmers; Truck and Van Drivers.
90	Laborers; Gardeners; Upholsterers; Farmhands; Miners; Factory Packers and Sorters.

Deuce · 07-21-12, 05:29 PM

Originally posted by PickWinnerAllDay

140	Top Civil Servants; Professors and Research Scientists.
130	Physicians and Surgeons; Lawyers; Engineers (Civil and Mechanical)
120	School Teachers; Pharmacists; Accountants; Nurses; Stenographers; Managers.
110	Foremen; Clerks; Telephone Operators; Salesmen; Policemen; Electricians.
100+	Machine Operators; Shopkeepers; Butchers; Welders; Sheet Metal Workers.
100-	Warehousemen; Carpenters; Cooks and Bakers; Small Farmers; Truck and Van Drivers.
90	Laborers; Gardeners; Upholsterers; Farmhands; Miners; Factory Packers and Sorters.

Where is degenerate gambling chat room owner?

hawley · 07-21-12, 05:32 PM

Denny Crane.

ACoochy · 07-21-12, 05:37 PM

I can either be ur criminal lawyer or I can be ur "criminal" lawyer- Sol, breaking bad

ChalkyDog · 07-21-12, 06:13 PM

Originally posted by WvGambler

What's red, 5 inches long and causes your girlfriend to cry when you make her eat it?

Her miscarriage.

(wait that has nothing to do with lawyers.)

Which way do you put a baby in a blender?

Feet first so you can see the expression on the way down.

Not funny - in the slightest. That is what we were all going for?