Quck help please...anyone whose literate

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  • EDDIE MONEY LINE
    SBR Hall of Famer
    • 02-24-10
    • 6298

    #1
    Quck help please...anyone whose literate
    Am i wording this properly? I know we have a few gentleman and woman scholers on here...help me out please below:


    I have all the experience you are looking for, and more as I have a Bachelor of the Arts Degree from Rider University in Communications.


    Is that comma placed correctly??? and do I say Bachelor of the arts degree??? or as I have a Bachelor's Arts degree....i'm feeling a lil clumsy right now and i'm submitting a resume to a few places...obviously english was not my major

    Thanks
  • Iced
    SBR MVP
    • 01-04-11
    • 1614

    #2
    That comma is not placed correctly. The comma would be placed after more.

    Correct: Bachelor of Arts

    That said, I don't think you will be getting the job.
    Comment
    • Carseller4
      SBR Posting Legend
      • 10-22-09
      • 19627

      #3
      comma is fine......get rid of the "and more"
      Comment
      • cant call it
        SBR Hall of Famer
        • 08-29-10
        • 8817

        #4
        Also tell them you have never taken a shitt on company time.
        Comment
        • EDDIE MONEY LINE
          SBR Hall of Famer
          • 02-24-10
          • 6298

          #5
          or is this the best way???

          I have all the experience you are looking for along with a Bachelor of Arts Degree from Rider University in Communications.
          Comment
          • Carseller4
            SBR Posting Legend
            • 10-22-09
            • 19627

            #6
            Originally posted by EDDIE MONEY LINE
            or is this the best way???

            I have all the experience you are looking for along with a Bachelor's of the Arts Degree from Rider University in Communications.
            I like this better.
            Comment
            • iifold
              SBR Posting Legend
              • 04-25-10
              • 11111

              #7
              Has a degree but doesn't know where the comma goes...

              Welcome to the new America!!!!!

              Deuce, that college conspiracy video is looking more and more believable....
              Comment
              • Iced
                SBR MVP
                • 01-04-11
                • 1614

                #8
                Originally posted by EDDIE MONEY LINE
                or is this the best way???

                I have all the experience you are looking for along with a Bachelor of Arts Degree from Rider University in Communications.
                What is the context? This statement just makes you look like a retard. No, I wouldn't put it that way.
                Comment
                • opie1988
                  SBR Posting Legend
                  • 09-12-10
                  • 23429

                  #9
                  The 2nd one is definitely better.

                  That being said, I think you could word this whole thing considerably better. If you're serious about this resume, pm me. I have some resources I could give you that might help.
                  Comment
                  • griz
                    SBR MVP
                    • 01-27-11
                    • 3647

                    #10
                    if this comes across my desk, i will rip it up

                    good luck!
                    Comment
                    • iceminers26
                      SBR Posting Legend
                      • 10-13-08
                      • 15600

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Iced
                      That comma is not placed correctly. The comma would be placed after more. Correct: Bachelor of Arts That said, I don't think you will be getting the job.
                      Both these corrections
                      Comment
                      • EDDIE MONEY LINE
                        SBR Hall of Famer
                        • 02-24-10
                        • 6298

                        #12
                        ok...before I send it here it is...let me know

                        anyone in HR out there???? Does this sound cheesy or is it attention grabbing???


                        Good evening,

                        You described me in your sales consultant job posting in the Sunday Times Union so I have attached a pdf and word file of my resume for your viewing pleasure. Although currently employed I am looking to work for a company that has opportunities for career growth. I have all the experience you are looking for along with a Bachelor of Arts Degree from Rider University in Communications. I hope to hear from you soon regarding an interview for this position. I can be reached at......(can't let u sick fuks know...haha).

                        Sincerly,


                        Eddie Money Line
                        Comment
                        • Iced
                          SBR MVP
                          • 01-04-11
                          • 1614

                          #13
                          Originally posted by EDDIE MONEY LINE
                          ok...before I send it here it is...let me know

                          anyone in HR out there???? Does this sound cheesy or is it attention grabbing???


                          Good evening,

                          You described me in your sales consultant job posting in the Sunday Times Union so I have attached a pdf and word file of my resume for your viewing pleasure. Although currently employed I am looking to work for a company that has opportunities for career growth. I have all the experience you are looking for along with a Bachelor of Arts Degree from Rider University in Communications. I hope to hear from you soon regarding an interview for this position. I can be reached at......(can't let u sick fuks know...haha).

                          Sincerly,


                          Eddie Money Line
                          Jesus Christ.

                          Shoot opie a PM. You need some serious help.
                          Comment
                          • EDDIE MONEY LINE
                            SBR Hall of Famer
                            • 02-24-10
                            • 6298

                            #14
                            this isn't a cover letter or anything, just going to be the body of email I send...is it alright???
                            Comment
                            • ngates815
                              SBR Posting Legend
                              • 12-01-09
                              • 13845

                              #15
                              Originally posted by EDDIE MONEY LINE
                              or is this the best way??? I have all the experience you are looking for along with a Bachelor of Arts Degree from Rider University in Communications.
                              This is way better.


                              But I don't like the "I have all the experience you are looking for" Why not just list what you've done which relates to the position you're looking to get into.


                              But then again I'm guessing this is just an email sent to the company, and all the info on your "experience" is listed in the resume. If that's the case it looks good then.
                              Comment
                              • EDDIE MONEY LINE
                                SBR Hall of Famer
                                • 02-24-10
                                • 6298

                                #16
                                Originally posted by ngates815
                                This is way better. But I don't like the "I have all the experience you are looking for" Why not just list what you've done which relates to the position you're looking to get into. But then again I'm guessing this is just an email sent to the company, and all the info on your "experience" is listed in the resume. If that's the case it looks good then.
                                Ya, just a quick note in email to grip attention to not delete, and then look at my resume
                                Comment
                                • griz
                                  SBR MVP
                                  • 01-27-11
                                  • 3647

                                  #17
                                  Originally posted by EDDIE MONEY LINE
                                  ok...before I send it here it is...let me know anyone in HR out there???? Does this sound cheesy or is it attention grabbing??? Good evening, You described me in your sales consultant job posting in the Sunday Times Union so I have attached a pdf and word file of my resume for your viewing pleasure. Although currently employed I am looking to work for a company that has opportunities for career growth. I have all the experience you are looking for along with a Bachelor of Arts Degree from Rider University in Communications. I hope to hear from you soon regarding an interview for this position. I can be reached at......(can't let u sick fuks know...haha). Sincerly, Eddie Money Line
                                  damn, no offense, but i can see now the difference between rider and a top notch school, like the one i went to.

                                  would u really send that to a prospective employer?? or just joking?
                                  Comment
                                  • EDDIE MONEY LINE
                                    SBR Hall of Famer
                                    • 02-24-10
                                    • 6298

                                    #18
                                    Originally posted by griz
                                    damn, no offense, but i can see now the difference between rider and a top notch school, like the one i went to. would u really send that to a prospective employer?? or just joking?
                                    I was just trying to be down to earth and appeal to the person in HR whpo opens this...pm me with something better please.
                                    Comment
                                    • doublej95
                                      SBR Posting Legend
                                      • 01-26-10
                                      • 14094

                                      #19
                                      After reading that I would probably delete your application Eddie. It is not very professional, if you do currently have a job and it is related to the type of job you are applying for then describe it in the opening to catch their attention.
                                      Comment
                                      • griz
                                        SBR MVP
                                        • 01-27-11
                                        • 3647

                                        #20
                                        i got your back here eddie

                                        we will fix this. sbr teamwork
                                        Comment
                                        • ttrace35
                                          SBR Posting Legend
                                          • 09-30-10
                                          • 10828

                                          #21
                                          Originally posted by EDDIE MONEY LINE
                                          ok...before I send it here it is...let me know

                                          anyone in HR out there???? Does this sound cheesy or is it attention grabbing???


                                          Good evening,

                                          You described me in your sales consultant job posting in the Sunday Times Union so I have attached a pdf and word file of my resume for your viewing pleasure. Although currently employed I am looking to work for a company that has opportunities for career growth. I have all the experience you are looking for along with a Bachelor of Arts Degree from Rider University in Communications. I hope to hear from you soon regarding an interview for this position. I can be reached at......(can't let u sick fuks know...haha).

                                          Sincerly,


                                          Eddie Money Line
                                          The first sentence is a run-on sentence. The employer won't read past there.
                                          Comment
                                          • JohnGalt2341
                                            SBR Hall of Famer
                                            • 12-31-09
                                            • 9138

                                            #22
                                            The first step in becoming a Scholar is learning how to spell it correctly.
                                            Comment
                                            • sneakerhead
                                              SBR Hall of Famer
                                              • 07-14-10
                                              • 7727

                                              #23
                                              Pay someone to do this for you
                                              Comment
                                              • EDDIE MONEY LINE
                                                SBR Hall of Famer
                                                • 02-24-10
                                                • 6298

                                                #24
                                                Originally posted by JohnGalt2341
                                                The first step in becoming a Scholar is learning how to spell it correctly.
                                                ya i kinda threw myself out there...it didn't look right, but I didn't spell check obviously
                                                Comment
                                                • EDDIE MONEY LINE
                                                  SBR Hall of Famer
                                                  • 02-24-10
                                                  • 6298

                                                  #25
                                                  Originally posted by sneakerhead
                                                  Pay someone to do this for you
                                                  i'm not helpless. all i need is to solidify the interview and i'll get the job. i have a good success rate
                                                  Comment
                                                  • lolguy999
                                                    SBR MVP
                                                    • 01-28-10
                                                    • 3070

                                                    #26
                                                    I have all the experience you are looking for; Furthermore I have a Bachelor of the Arts Degree from Rider University in Communications.

                                                    Would be the good corrected version, may aye po1nt out that, if you're saying ""ALL"" the experience you should add more than one (with ur one being having a bachelor of arts)

                                                    The ; mark is very important
                                                    Comment
                                                    • robmpink
                                                      SBR Posting Legend
                                                      • 01-09-07
                                                      • 13205

                                                      #27
                                                      no comma in front of the and.
                                                      Comment
                                                      • robmpink
                                                        SBR Posting Legend
                                                        • 01-09-07
                                                        • 13205

                                                        #28
                                                        P.S. your degree is worthless. Same as mine.
                                                        Comment
                                                        • ttrace35
                                                          SBR Posting Legend
                                                          • 09-30-10
                                                          • 10828

                                                          #29
                                                          Good luck eddie
                                                          Comment
                                                          • Iced
                                                            SBR MVP
                                                            • 01-04-11
                                                            • 1614

                                                            #30
                                                            Originally posted by lolguy999
                                                            I have all the experience you are looking for; Furthermore I have a Bachelor of the Arts Degree from Rider University in Communications.

                                                            Would be the good corrected version, may aye po1nt out that, if you're saying ""ALL"" the experience you should add more than one (with ur one being having a bachelor of arts)

                                                            The ; mark is very important
                                                            No, that's completely wrong. Semicolons are followed by a lower case letter. And if you wanted to use a semicolon in that sentence (which is unnecessary), a comma would have to follow furthermore. Don't give out grammar advice if you don't understand proper grammar.
                                                            Comment
                                                            • stefan084
                                                              SBR MVP
                                                              • 07-21-09
                                                              • 1490

                                                              #31
                                                              how about this: I gots plenty of experidents and sells more gooder than anyone. Moreover, I have a degree also as well showing that I communicate good
                                                              Comment
                                                              • EDDIE MONEY LINE
                                                                SBR Hall of Famer
                                                                • 02-24-10
                                                                • 6298

                                                                #32
                                                                thanks for all the help and support guys. have a good night!!!
                                                                Comment
                                                                • DemoralizdDreamr
                                                                  SBR MVP
                                                                  • 02-04-11
                                                                  • 4319

                                                                  #33
                                                                  Originally posted by EDDIE MONEY LINE
                                                                  ok...before I send it here it is...let me know

                                                                  anyone in HR out there???? Does this sound cheesy or is it attention grabbing???


                                                                  Good evening,

                                                                  You described me in your sales consultant job posting in the Sunday Times Union so I have attached a pdf and word file of my resume for your viewing pleasure. Although currently employed I am looking to work for a company that has opportunities for career growth. I have all the experience you are looking for along with a Bachelor of Arts Degree from Rider University in Communications. I hope to hear from you soon regarding an interview for this position. I can be reached at......(can't let u sick fuks know...haha).

                                                                  Sincerly,


                                                                  Eddie Money Line
                                                                  Like the padres, not very impressed.
                                                                  Comment
                                                                  • DemoralizdDreamr
                                                                    SBR MVP
                                                                    • 02-04-11
                                                                    • 4319

                                                                    #34
                                                                    "You described me in your sales consultant job posting in the Sunday Times Union so I have attached a pdf and word file of my resume for your viewing pleasure"
                                                                    This sentence makes no sense.
                                                                    Comment
                                                                    • clarkacal
                                                                      Restricted User
                                                                      • 11-03-09
                                                                      • 353

                                                                      #35
                                                                      Not good
                                                                      Comment
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