Bateman's Holiday Strip Club Cheer...
Okay so I thought after giving you guys a winner last night I would spread some holiday cheer. Boyz I am a strip club professional so listen up and you might learn a thing or two.
Okay so here are my strip club tips for you…
1) Always go into da club with a wad of money. At least $300 if you want to have a good time. Boys flash that cash so the bitches come to you.
2) Always go alone. This shows you are a confident guy and plus if you go with friends someone always kills the buzz like puking in the toilet or calling a girlfriend in the club.
3) Boys dress to impress. I always like to slide on a pair of designer jeans or go in my corporate clothes. Splash on the cologne like Versace Dreamer. CHEW GUM.
4) Scope out the place. If a dancer is drinking coffee on stage check that if a dancer is mixing her coffee and drinking it on stage move to the other side of the room. Said dancer is high on opiates and likely to nod off during a lap dance. True story boyz I paid some girl for a pity dance because she kept asking me and the skank fell asleep on my lap. I had to knee her in the ass to get her moving again. I was told later she fell off the stage and was escorted out. Like I said look for coffee drinkers and hoes on probation.
5) Never look a stripper in the eye or you will go the way of Medusa. Always look around or better yet watch a game. Act like you are not interested and some will leave you alone. If you want one stare at her “body” and give the pimp nod.
6) NEVER EVER think you are going to go home with a stripper. Boys don’t manscape before you go and don’t try and sweet talk a hoe. These girls are there for one reason your money so unless you are Brad Pitt or Bill Gates you are going home empty handed. Now I’ve pulled a few dancers but that’s because I am a P-I-M-P.
7) Talk to the dancers about sports betting they love it. I was talking to one and she said my ex played at Sportsbook.com but I never saw any money I said that’s because he most likely lost and even if he won he would not get paid. She started asking me where to play I said check SBR dot com.
8) If you are posters Fightingwarrior, TlTayor89, BobbyFK, DrStale, TR88 or Brock Landers don’t even bother. The bitches will run away from you faster than Dolphins players running away from Sal Alosi. Can you see Taylor trying to trade investment advice for lap dances or Bobby weeping in the corner talking to a suicide hotline. What a mess.
9) TALK LIKE JJ GOLD. Say stuff like I just ate some cole cuts on italiana rolls. Or maybe look I just banged the Ravens cover for a dime. ALWAYS ADD “I ain’t big time?” to the end of every sentence…”Hey honey I just polished off a stick of oriole cookies after fuking my aunt I ain’t big time?”
10) Don’t touch unless they tell you to. Guess what Nigerian bouncers love more than white women? They love beating up white men.
11) If you have a hair piece take it off or wear a hat. Can you imagine JJ getting a lap dance and the girl goes to massage his hair? The piece would come off and stick to her hand she would be running around like a rat is attached to her hand.
12) ALWAYS ask for a YAYO connect. Don’t make it obvious but act like you have some $$$ to spend on the Devil’s dandruff.
13) Never get a lap dance from a coked out dancer; it’s likely she took a yayo crap 20 minutes ago. Guess what that smell is?
14) In a juice bar try and buy off the bartender so she does not charge you $5 every time for a diet coke.
15) Always come ready for action. Drunken bitches falling down, creeps getting beat down for touching a dancer, yayo, jelly fish, anus beads, a fatty..
16) If the shit goes down act like you are packing. Say something like don’t make me blast you fools.
Boys feel free to add to this list I am out like a thief in the night.
Okay so here are my strip club tips for you…
1) Always go into da club with a wad of money. At least $300 if you want to have a good time. Boys flash that cash so the bitches come to you.
2) Always go alone. This shows you are a confident guy and plus if you go with friends someone always kills the buzz like puking in the toilet or calling a girlfriend in the club.
3) Boys dress to impress. I always like to slide on a pair of designer jeans or go in my corporate clothes. Splash on the cologne like Versace Dreamer. CHEW GUM.
4) Scope out the place. If a dancer is drinking coffee on stage check that if a dancer is mixing her coffee and drinking it on stage move to the other side of the room. Said dancer is high on opiates and likely to nod off during a lap dance. True story boyz I paid some girl for a pity dance because she kept asking me and the skank fell asleep on my lap. I had to knee her in the ass to get her moving again. I was told later she fell off the stage and was escorted out. Like I said look for coffee drinkers and hoes on probation.
5) Never look a stripper in the eye or you will go the way of Medusa. Always look around or better yet watch a game. Act like you are not interested and some will leave you alone. If you want one stare at her “body” and give the pimp nod.
6) NEVER EVER think you are going to go home with a stripper. Boys don’t manscape before you go and don’t try and sweet talk a hoe. These girls are there for one reason your money so unless you are Brad Pitt or Bill Gates you are going home empty handed. Now I’ve pulled a few dancers but that’s because I am a P-I-M-P.
7) Talk to the dancers about sports betting they love it. I was talking to one and she said my ex played at Sportsbook.com but I never saw any money I said that’s because he most likely lost and even if he won he would not get paid. She started asking me where to play I said check SBR dot com.
8) If you are posters Fightingwarrior, TlTayor89, BobbyFK, DrStale, TR88 or Brock Landers don’t even bother. The bitches will run away from you faster than Dolphins players running away from Sal Alosi. Can you see Taylor trying to trade investment advice for lap dances or Bobby weeping in the corner talking to a suicide hotline. What a mess.
9) TALK LIKE JJ GOLD. Say stuff like I just ate some cole cuts on italiana rolls. Or maybe look I just banged the Ravens cover for a dime. ALWAYS ADD “I ain’t big time?” to the end of every sentence…”Hey honey I just polished off a stick of oriole cookies after fuking my aunt I ain’t big time?”
10) Don’t touch unless they tell you to. Guess what Nigerian bouncers love more than white women? They love beating up white men.
11) If you have a hair piece take it off or wear a hat. Can you imagine JJ getting a lap dance and the girl goes to massage his hair? The piece would come off and stick to her hand she would be running around like a rat is attached to her hand.
12) ALWAYS ask for a YAYO connect. Don’t make it obvious but act like you have some $$$ to spend on the Devil’s dandruff.
13) Never get a lap dance from a coked out dancer; it’s likely she took a yayo crap 20 minutes ago. Guess what that smell is?
14) In a juice bar try and buy off the bartender so she does not charge you $5 every time for a diet coke.
15) Always come ready for action. Drunken bitches falling down, creeps getting beat down for touching a dancer, yayo, jelly fish, anus beads, a fatty..
16) If the shit goes down act like you are packing. Say something like don’t make me blast you fools.
Boys feel free to add to this list I am out like a thief in the night.
Serious, tell them your hung like a field mouse. 