Jokes

[Sportsgirl]

The Temperature is dropping ...


@ +70 degrees
Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear. People in
Pittsburgh go swimming in the Rivers.

@ +60 degrees
North Carolinians try to turn on the heat. People in Pittsburgh plant
gardens.

@ +50 degrees
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Pittsburgh sunbathe.

@ +40 degrees
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Pittsburgh drive with the windows down.

@ +32 degrees
Distilled water freezes.
The Monongahela River water gets thicker.

@ +20 degrees
Floridians put on coats, thermal underwear, gloves and woolly hats.
People in Pittsburgh throw on a flannel shirt.

@ +15 degrees
Chicago landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Pittsburgh have
the last cookout before it gets cold.

@ +10 degrees
People in Miami all die.
People in Pittsburgh lick the flagpole.

@ 0 degrees
Californians fly away to Mexico
People in Pittsburgh get out their winter coats.

@ -10 degrees
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Pitts burgh are selling cookies door to door.

@ -25 degrees
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic . Boy Scouts in Pittsburgh
postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

@ -30 degrees
Mount St. Helen's freezes.
People in Pittsburgh rent some videos.

@ -40 degrees
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Pittsburgh get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

@ -45 degrees
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products. Cows in Pittsburgh
complain about farmers with cold hands.

@ -60 degrees
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale). People in
Pittsburgh start saying, "Cold 'nuff for yinz guys?"

@ -100 degrees
Hell freezes over.


THE CLEVELAND BROWNS WIN THE SUPER BOWL!!

[jon13009]

The Baltimore Ravens.

After giving the fans hope with a great game v. NE, they showed how low they can go v. IND last weekend.....hopefully they don't embarrass themselves further with a loss to MIA this weekend....

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Q: What do you call 53 people sitting around a TV watching the Super
Bowl?
A: The Baltimore Ravens

Q: How do you keep a Baltimore Raven out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Where do you go in Baltimore in case of a tornado?
A: Ravens (M&T Bank) Stadium - they never have a touchdown there

Q: What do you call a Baltimore Raven with a Super Bowl ring? (from a Ravens hater)
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Baltimore Raven & a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Baltimore Ravens and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: How many Baltimore Ravens does it take to win another Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out.

And my favorite:

Q: What do the Baltimore Ravens and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ!".


Corny, but as a Ravens Fan it is all too close to home right now.......

[The Seer]

This couple was getting a divorce and were having a custody battle over the child. It was a toss up to where the kid should go. They were in court and the judge decides to ask the kid where he wants to live.
He asks the kid, "Son would you want to go live with your mother?"
The boy said "No she beats me!"
The judge asks "Would you like to go live with your father?"
The boy said "NO, he beats me too!"
The judge then asks "Well then, who would you like to go live with?"
The boys then says "I want to go live with the Miami Dolphins, they don't beat anybody!"

[HedgeHog]

Some jokes involving my local Chicago teams:

A little boy is walking down the street onoe day and finds a genie jar. He opens it and out comes a genie.

Here is the conversation:

G: I'll give you three wishes.

B: I wish for an XBOX 360, and a PSP and....peace in the middle east.

G: Where is the middle east little boy?

The boy pull out a map and shows him where the middle east is.

G: Uhm, I dont think I can do that little boy. Do you have another wish?

B: Well, could you make the Cubs win the World Series?

The genie pauses and then says:

G: Lemme see that map of the middle east again.

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Three fans are in a desert: a bears fan, vikings fan, and a packers fan. They get captured by these people and get taken to their leader.

The leader says, "You were caught trespassing on my desert. I will now have my men whip you."

His wife feels bad and suggests that he grants them one wish each before the whipping.

The leader says, "Very well. You get one wish each."

The Vikings fan says,"I would like a pillow strapped on my back."

The Packers fan say,"I would like two pillows strapped on my back."

The leader looks to the Bears fan and asks, "And what do you wish?"

The Bears fan replys, "Strap the Packers fan on my back."

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" .....The Cubs were taking batting practice, and the pitching machine threw a no-hitter ..... " (attributed to a local D.J.)