As a hopeless romantic, I can say with affinity these are the 10 best songs to cry to as you think of creative ways to say goodbye. Vincent Van Gogh would be proud.
10. Journey- Faithfully (ANY Journey song would fit the bill, but this one stands out. Essentially she is far away, you miss her, and you hope she isn't bumping nasties with the Rent-A-Center guy. Nothing says love like a long distance breakup. Ask Casey Kasem. He has made a living on long distance dedications).
9. Firehouse- Love Of A Lifetime (Okay, you find the love of a lifetime. Good for you. Now what happens if she breaks up with you. You better pray that you have more lives than Shirley McClaine. If not, get out that curling iron and enjoy a soak in a hot tub fella. Your love life as you know it is OVER).
8. Roy Orbison- Crying (This song makes the list because when you hear it, you think Roy just lost his girl. That should make you feel better, but than you realize that Roy Orbison was 90 when he sang this song. If he is still crying over a girl, who is to say you won't be sobbing like a Red Sox fan pre- 2004 when Miss North Dakota breaks your heart? Remember 30 Tylenol does not do the trick unless you add Peach Schnapps to the equation).
7. Tony Terry- When I'm With You (This song is a little obscure, but if you listen to the soulful renderings of the now born again Christian, you will feel his joy. The song has Tony praising his new love. He says all the right things, but if you listen closer, you realize that he is a paranoid schizophrenic. Every lyric has people staring at him when he walks down the street with his girl. He wonders why the sun shines on HIM. Like the sun is out to get him! Half way through the song, he begins to yell. This song makes me want to run. Run fast. Run hard).
6. Lionel Richie- Hello (I think the video sums this one best. Boy meets blind chick. She makes clay bust of his head. He ends up looking like an African American Lion from "Wizard Of Oz". You know your life sucks when a blind woman makes you out to be ugly. Nobody realizes that Lionel had a follow up hit called "Can You Hear Me". The video was him hooking up with a deaf woman. THAT was hot)!!
5. Air Supply- Making Love Out Of Nothing At All (Two guys from Australia sing for 5 minutes about how they make love out of nothing. Like they are the Rachel Ray of love making!! These guys couldn't make ice cubes without instructions. Who are they to tell me how to make love? I tried their approach. I made promises, made demons be gone, made stadiums cheer. Guess what..nada, zip, zilch. I am still watching Skinemax on Friday nights).
4. Extreme- More Than Words ( These guys have the audacity to tell the girl that "I Love You" are not the words they want to hear from her. WTF!! Are they looking for her to say "What would you like for breakfast ?" "Today's winning lottery numbers are?" "Would you like fellatio with your Sunday paper?" I am happy when a girl tells me she can stand me in small intervals. Jeesh Extreme, you ask for way to much. Sad thing is they get what they ask for. Me, I cannot even buy Sudafed without a drivers license and a note from my mommy).
3. Eagles- Desperado ( Did you know when this song played on the radio in the 70's the suicide hotline calls rose 214%? It is a fact. Look it up on Wikipedia. If Brokeback Mountain was for gay cowboys, this song is for cowboys that are banging the same chick from the Journey "Faithfully" song. Guys, if you want your woman to love you, stay home).
2. Debbie Gibson- Lost In Your Eyes (When I hear this song, I realize that virginal, romantic, deluded girls are as fictional as the tooth fairy and English speaking cab drivers. When Debbie sang this song 20 years ago, she was full of life and love. Now she is a Playboy baring cynic that makes awful movies on Lifetime. Much like relationships, this song is all a sham. Shame on you Debbie. SHAME)!!
1. Kermit The Frog -Rainbow Connection (This song shows that even gay animals have a hard time finding love. If Kermit cannot find true homosexual frog love, why am I to think I ever will? This is for the lovers, the dreamers, and me).
10. Journey- Faithfully (ANY Journey song would fit the bill, but this one stands out. Essentially she is far away, you miss her, and you hope she isn't bumping nasties with the Rent-A-Center guy. Nothing says love like a long distance breakup. Ask Casey Kasem. He has made a living on long distance dedications).
9. Firehouse- Love Of A Lifetime (Okay, you find the love of a lifetime. Good for you. Now what happens if she breaks up with you. You better pray that you have more lives than Shirley McClaine. If not, get out that curling iron and enjoy a soak in a hot tub fella. Your love life as you know it is OVER).
8. Roy Orbison- Crying (This song makes the list because when you hear it, you think Roy just lost his girl. That should make you feel better, but than you realize that Roy Orbison was 90 when he sang this song. If he is still crying over a girl, who is to say you won't be sobbing like a Red Sox fan pre- 2004 when Miss North Dakota breaks your heart? Remember 30 Tylenol does not do the trick unless you add Peach Schnapps to the equation).
7. Tony Terry- When I'm With You (This song is a little obscure, but if you listen to the soulful renderings of the now born again Christian, you will feel his joy. The song has Tony praising his new love. He says all the right things, but if you listen closer, you realize that he is a paranoid schizophrenic. Every lyric has people staring at him when he walks down the street with his girl. He wonders why the sun shines on HIM. Like the sun is out to get him! Half way through the song, he begins to yell. This song makes me want to run. Run fast. Run hard).
6. Lionel Richie- Hello (I think the video sums this one best. Boy meets blind chick. She makes clay bust of his head. He ends up looking like an African American Lion from "Wizard Of Oz". You know your life sucks when a blind woman makes you out to be ugly. Nobody realizes that Lionel had a follow up hit called "Can You Hear Me". The video was him hooking up with a deaf woman. THAT was hot)!!
5. Air Supply- Making Love Out Of Nothing At All (Two guys from Australia sing for 5 minutes about how they make love out of nothing. Like they are the Rachel Ray of love making!! These guys couldn't make ice cubes without instructions. Who are they to tell me how to make love? I tried their approach. I made promises, made demons be gone, made stadiums cheer. Guess what..nada, zip, zilch. I am still watching Skinemax on Friday nights).
4. Extreme- More Than Words ( These guys have the audacity to tell the girl that "I Love You" are not the words they want to hear from her. WTF!! Are they looking for her to say "What would you like for breakfast ?" "Today's winning lottery numbers are?" "Would you like fellatio with your Sunday paper?" I am happy when a girl tells me she can stand me in small intervals. Jeesh Extreme, you ask for way to much. Sad thing is they get what they ask for. Me, I cannot even buy Sudafed without a drivers license and a note from my mommy).
3. Eagles- Desperado ( Did you know when this song played on the radio in the 70's the suicide hotline calls rose 214%? It is a fact. Look it up on Wikipedia. If Brokeback Mountain was for gay cowboys, this song is for cowboys that are banging the same chick from the Journey "Faithfully" song. Guys, if you want your woman to love you, stay home).
2. Debbie Gibson- Lost In Your Eyes (When I hear this song, I realize that virginal, romantic, deluded girls are as fictional as the tooth fairy and English speaking cab drivers. When Debbie sang this song 20 years ago, she was full of life and love. Now she is a Playboy baring cynic that makes awful movies on Lifetime. Much like relationships, this song is all a sham. Shame on you Debbie. SHAME)!!
1. Kermit The Frog -Rainbow Connection (This song shows that even gay animals have a hard time finding love. If Kermit cannot find true homosexual frog love, why am I to think I ever will? This is for the lovers, the dreamers, and me).
awesome song, been a while since i've heard it.
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