Best o' The Prick

[Willie Bee]

Following the boss man's suggestion that somebody take the time to track down a few of The Prick's more memorable posts, here's a stroll down Memory Lane, or Mammary Lane as the case was in a few of his lines. Enjoy, and make sure you don't have a mouthful of liquid while reading lest you spew whatever you're drinking on your fancy computer equipment.

No better way to begin it than with The Prick's first post:

Hello fellow losers I am The Prick. I have been picking games on different radio shows and publications for years.

The way this works is I'm going to kick your ass every week because I pick winners. If you ever get lucky and beat me then the good ole mafia guys at BetCRIS will slip you a C note. I think they picked me because they know they won’t have to fork over much cash.

Pick college or NFL games I don't really care but don’t be an ass and throw in a total because only straight up side bets count.

I will pick 3 games and designate one pick as my "best pick". Then you pick 3 and also designate one selection as your best pick.

BetCRIS has some other rules to throw up so check back and read the fine print.

My picks will go up every Tuesday. You can post your losers on Wednesday.

Good Luck (you'll need it)

Love,

The Prick

[Willie Bee]

The Prick's Week 3 Picks

There's something to be said for the "hair of the dog" theory, the ol' Prick is feeling his oats after a weeee taste of the Irish and a touch of the glaucoma medicine. After literally hours of intensive research i'm gonna throw three games at you that are bound to put me in the cash again. In advance, thanks to CRIS for the sweet gig and the easy money, and no-thanks to SBR John, who claims he sold me a winner last week and tried to sabotage me this week. It ain't how ya start, it's how ya finish, so let's get this show on the road....

Michigan -2.5 I don't care if ya believe me or not, the bottom-line is gonna be a big road victory for the Wolverines. Doesn't matter what you squares think on this one, i'm taking it off the board. Can ya believe SBR John tried to sell me on the Badgers? That alone is enough to make this my 2* Pick. Some guys always got their foot on the working man's neck.

Indy Colts -13.5 Yeah, I realize this is a big nut, but the Colts defense looks like the real thing, and who doesn't score against Cleveland? After intensive consultation with a sack of chicken bones, I decided not to make this my 2*pick.

NY Giants +5.5 So ya thought my last pick was bad, you should love this one! All you squares gotta do is get more right than da PRICK to get paid. Even all you cheap bastards can swing the entry fee (HELLO, Stupid, it's free). And since my picks are crap, and you're all geniuses, well, guess the line to get paid is gonna stretch around the block. Sorta like last week.....Good luck, Squares, and if ya see me around don't bother speaking to me.

[Willie Bee]

The Prick's picks in week 4 ...

I can see all you buzzards circling over the dead-ass carcass of da Prick, waiting on the "Beat the Prick" weekly welfare check to hit your CRIS accounts.....don't you ladies go counting them chickens, as the old folks say. STICKO, STOCKO, SUCKO.....whoever that 8th year QB from WI was had a signed contract with Vince McMahon and the WWF, not to say the fix was in, or anything.....On a side note, I do appreciate all the "kind" words and consolation SBR John and Bill Dozer offered up, neither of which made up for them raping my CRIS check to pay "bonus" winners in a rule change. Da Prick starts the week in a big hole, and by God da Prick is gonna climb out and have a little cabbage in his pocket next Monday, so no more gum-beating and down to business:

Memphis +3.5 Mike Price should be able to find some hookers to run up his room service bill in Memphis the night before this one, and UTEP gets the ball shoved down their throats the entire second half. Freshman QB? No prob when your rushing at nearly 7 yards per clip.(Best Bet)

Tampa Bay -6.5 The Bucs made me a fortune a few years back, and after two seasons in hell look to return to the show. The Prick ain't above taking a sentimental trip down memory lane and skipping the coin-flip 'capping method in favor of the ball control/defense strategy.

Giants-3 Can the curse of the Prick hex a team two weeks in a row? The Giants D gotta be well rested after their week off last Sunday Night, and Eli returns to a sympathetic crowd. Not only that, but I gotta think if nothing else girly Mike Martz wastes both his challenges trying to review the coin toss.....You're all lickin' yer chops more than Michael Jackson at a boy scout jamboree to get your wad of the free dough from CRIS, but players be glad the entry fee is still NADA, 'cuz that's how many of you sharps are getting in my pocket this week......

[Willie Bee]

The Prick's picks in week 7 ...

Now THAT's what I call a welcome: everybody stands, drumrolls, free picks......I love this place! I can understand why everyone's being so gracious, since I've been paying their rent around here for about three weeks or so. At least to score the free dough from CRIS last week you sharps had to get 2 right......CRIS still split my pay up among 20 of you scrounges instead of handing me a fat envelope, but no more of my body parts got turned into jewelry. I watched that entire 'Bama game last weekend, and knew my lock was blown when the only kid in the entire state who can catch a football got hurt early. I haven't seen balls bouncing off of guys chests, hands, and chins that much since they closed the local YMCA 'cuz it was filled with degenerates. As always, you vultures ain't here to lend me any sympathy, you all want the free cheese, so down to business.

Miss -10.5 This team is much tougher than they appear to be at first glance. Offensively, they moved well against a stout Tide defense last week. Defensively, at home they are good enough to keep Kentucky's sorry offense out of the endzone..The days of Kentucky losing tight games and covering most of the time are long gone and they are now absolutely putrid. Ole Miss takes momentum into this one after a tough loss and crushes the 'Cats by at least two TDs.

Pitt -12.5 The slip of paper in my stale-ass fortune cookie from lunch today said my lucky # was -12.5. I figured that was a sign from above, not that i'm superstitious or anything......Pitt are much better at home than on the road, and Syracuse absolutely SUCKS. Revenge is enough of a factor to make up for lousy coach Waaaaanstedt, and hey, the Chinese God of Bad Gamblers has spoken. Pitt slaps Syracuse around by at least 21, which is enough to cover and get me paid.

Texas -15.5 The 'Horns are strong enough to beat the curse of da Prick, since they were the only game i got right a few weeks back. This is the last pothole on their road to the Big12 championship, and they have no chance of looking past this game. Tech's had a fine season, and will play in a decent bowl, but Hodges doesn't top 200 yards through the air as Texas controls the clock on offense and gets off the field on defense. When i ran this game on auto play on my EA Sports NCAA football 2005, the 'Horns rolled in a 28 point rout. That, punters, makes this my BEST BET. And there you have it ladies, anybody want to place an over/under on the number of sharps who get paid this week? I'm on the under blind for my CRIS paycheck....

[Willie Bee]

The Prick's picks in week 8 ...

When the hell did they start closing bars at 2am???? I made it home from the nudey bar with CRIS money in my pocket, and that warm glow i always get from contributing to my favorite charity (the Prick's "LapDances for Books and Tuition" since all strippers are working their way through law school). I wake up bright and early this afternoon, see my Caddy parked across the lawn, rinse the cat-sh!t taste outta my mouth with a very nice single-malt Irish, and life is good......RIGHT UP to the point where i cruise into this dump to do my job and find out you HOMOs have been questioning my choice in rides and my sexual orientation all weekend. After all the money i've let SBR take outta my pocket to pay you rubes, this is what i get for thanks? Well, Nellies, the gloves are coming off, and it'll be a cold day in hell before any of you punks beat this Prick again. Congrats to SBR Sean, whoever he is, since he has the privilege of getting smoked in the finals of that RX 'Capping deal by yours truly, not that any of you ingrates would notice...... I got no more time to waste with you squares, here we go.

Hawaii +12.5 Senator 7, this one's dedicated to you. I noticed you cracking on my picks last week since they were all favorites, and seem to recall taking my Va Tech lock down to make you happy. Your CRIS money from this week got stuffed into the garter a 21 yr old CHICK dressed up in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit......man, what is it about those little plaid skirts? Of course, since you prefer the "alternative lifestyle" strip clubs you probably can't relate.

Northwestern +3 In keeping with the home dog motif......NW is a ballsy team, even moreso at home. I only hope they're tough enough to defy the curse of da Prick. Michigan is on the verge of packing it up for the year, and ending Iowa's 20-year home win streak last week only made the Wolverines postpone the end of their season by a week. Wish i'd have been smart enough to ride this team a little sooner, i wouldn't have missed my CRIS paycheck so much when you sharps were slapping me around. BEST BET

Philadelphia +3.5 These Eagles make no sense, and they've managed to fool the ol'Prick twice this season, but this is a good play. Denver has been getting it done with smoke and mirrors all season long, and may actually win this game, but it ain't gonna be by more than a fieldgoal. If McNabb's mama keeps him stocked up with chunky sirloin, he holds off the altitude-related oxygen depletion gig and throws the ball about 54 times. I know my picks ain't exactly logical this week, girls, but i'd rather be lucky than good. Ya know, I gotta think this week i'm both, and there's gonna be plenty more g-strings in my future. Still free to try, and all you "solid" fellas who beat me get paid by CRIS.

[Willie Bee]

The Prick's picks in week 9 ...

Awe-right, players, we're getting down to sh!t or get off the pot time. I can't say as I feel too bad about the stroking you girls gave da Prick last week.....looking down the list of winners i saw mostly law-abiding, church-going, straight-up citizens (and a few sick-ass degenerates that'd bet a cockroach fight). It don't look bright for this gig, although CRIS was kind enough not to send over the finger repo-men. I always land on my feet, and I'm working on this "Curse of da Prick" angle. Sorta like the opposite of a tout, you superstitious degenerate losers pay me to curse a team one way or the other. Not like curse 'em to make their hair fall out, or to kill 'em, just to make sure the chips fall the right way to get yer cover. Need references? Ask Northwestern, or Texas, or just about anybody else I called a lock......Down to business, sharps. Still free to enter, still hosted by SBR, and CRIS still pays if ya win.

Northwestern +2.5 (BEST BET) For the record, that QB oughtta have "Brunswick" tattooed on his stones, cuz that kid has a pair. The whole second half against Michigan he's running for his life and all his receivers are playing nekkid twister looking for reasons not to get thumped. In case you ain't paying attention, the week after I make a team my best bet, they are money in the bank. SBR John chimed in like da Prick is his favorite charity, and outta the kindness of his heart he tossed me a scooby snack. That boy ain't right.

Stanford +34 No let down for this Cardinal team after managing to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory against UCLA last week. The team with the highest SAT scores in the PAC 10 keeps this game respectable, and USC never gets close enough to this number to get me worried.

Detroit -1.5 The Lions suck, but the Vikings sucked even before they quit last week. Not that they were much with robo-QB Daunte, but they're much less without him. Minnesota mails it in for the rest of the season, waiting on the new coach. And there, punters, are the picks that break yer hearts. I'm feeling SOLID this week, and if I happen to get slapped around like Mike Tyson's ex-wife, no problem. I got the copyright paperwork in for "da Curse of da Prick" and should be ready to accept credit card payments by next week.

[Willie Bee]

Here's The Prick requesting some help in the translation department ...

I need a little help, fellas, and I kinda figure since I been making ya'll rich all season long one of you braniacs can throw me a bone........SBR John sent me a PM that said something about "El chorizo mas grande.....". I'm thinking it was about my swell picks last week, but who the hell knows? Translation, anybody? I don't mind getting kicked when I'm down, but at least make it in American, dammit!

[Willie Bee]

The Prick's picks in week 10 ...

Well, boys, i thought we were all getting along just fine. A little chest-beating, whining, and gloating is to be expected, on account of the fact that you sharps are trying to get in my pocket, and I gotta beat a group of ya to get a little cheese from CRIS....and that's ok. But one of you fairies crossed the line, and now it's personal. If i knew which one of you rat-bastards told my ol' lady about my Neteller account, and how I stash a little bread in there now and again on Mondays......I expect the "account adjustment agents" over at CRIS wouldn't mind helping me shake my loot outta yer hide. No school girl strippers, or Irish whiskey, or even any decent glaucoma medicine for da Prick this week, but Peg Bundy on my couch with the bon-bons got a nice chunk of ice around her neck......down to business, squares, with SBR still hosting this deal, and CRIS still paying all you Wayne Root wanna-be's......

Colorado -2.5 The Buffs lock up the sorry-ass Big 12 North and win the right to get slapped around by the 'Horns. Seriously, is that any way to motivate a team to win on the road? The 'Clones still suck, and they've hosed me twice this year, but not this time, I'm gold....(anybody catch the end of that Northwestern game last week?) Anybody tells ya they'd rather be good than lucky, they're a damn fool.

Chiefs +2 Are the Bills at this point in time 2 points better than anybody??? It sure ain't the Chiefs. Hell, I'd take +2 on my pink fuzzy slipper and zebra-striped robe wearing ball-and-chain against the Bills. No wonder these books are getting killed! This is money in the bank. (BEST BET)

Redskins -1 Kinda sad, really, how pathetic the 'Bucs have become. Maybe Gruden can get his little brother to QB this week? Final score is probably 5-2, but that's good enough to send me home with a little change in my pocket.....somebody remind me to re-negotiate my pay arrangements with CRIS, that woman don't need any more jewelry. And, boys, when da Prick hits 3-0 this week you can all thank that weasel who ratted me out.

[Willie Bee]

On picantel’s allegations The Prick was gay and a topless photo spread of Lisa Guerrero...

sorry, pic, you must have me confused with BGD. No disco-dancing for me......in my expert opinion, them cans are real. Real store-bought titties, that is.....no way they could defy gravity like that at her age. Further, zoom in on the sides, way too sturdy for natural big'uns.....the Zapruder film break down reveals the presence of surgical scars beneath the breasts.

[Willie Bee]

The Prick lists his favorite drugs...

glaucoma medicine, nicotine, caffeine, and irish whiskey.....simultaneously, and in excessive doses

[Willie Bee]

On the NBA playoffs and an old South Texas bookie...

man, once ya owe a dude bread i guess he owns yer intellectual property, spilling my beans all over the web.....Einstein is the E=mc2 dude with the crazy hair. "Einstien" was an infamous bookmaker down here in South Texas, used to pay and collect from his mobile "office" ( a 1974 El Dorado with FAT white walls and a tattered Landau hood, complete with one of those brick lookin' car phones like JR Ewing had). at least SBR John got the rest of it right, he musta lost his mind with that Phoenix pick

[Willie Bee]

Ah, one of my personal favorites as The Prick makes reference to his alleged affair with my wife...

Yo, Willie, er, Curly, er whoever..... yer ol' lady don't get too pissed when i leave clothes on yer bedroom floor

[Willie Bee]

On the NHL’s outstanding TV deal...

I got like 300 channels on TV and the Stanley Cup finals are on the OLN???? i figgered they were gonna show some tampon commercials between the periods. Man, I dig hockey and all, but how long can the NHL last with a FAT TV deal like that?

[Willie Bee]

A little history on how the whole Tommy Bahama shirt deal got started...

So I'm driving down the highway, when the rear hatch of this big-ass semi in front of me FLIES open, and a couple of cardboard boxes bounce out and end up in the ditch......hmmmm, maybe a bale or two of glaucoma medicine? so, of course, I pull over to investigate. no left-handed smokes, but a GROUP of these high-dollar looking shirts are folded up inside. So I'm thinking it's my lucky day, and I'm off the hook for the loot SBR John swore to give you girls who beat me in the "Beat the Prick" contest....so me, being clever and all, busts out the sharpie and writes all official lookin' "SBR" on the pocket and Tommy Bahama on the tag. FedEx one to that Bill Dozer chick, and she says it ain't gonna cut it......my lawyer Johnny Cochrane sez I got no obligation, so this might be tied up in court awhile

So here's the final deal: 1st that Dozer guy sh!t-cans my first couple of proposals, then some SBR wanker bean-counter "CFO" geek crawls up my nose with a bunch "where-as, wittnesseth, and there-to-for" crap, and finally SBR John kicks me around some with this straight-shooter "do the right thing" pitch.....bottom line, you girls who were sharp enough to beat the ol' Prick during the contest are all getting %100 silk, bonafide Tommy Bahama shirts, professionally embroidered with the SBR logo. Since all my assets are tied-up (slight liquidity problem), it looks like the 4K loan they floated me is in exchange for contractual "future considerations"....these boys all sound straight to me, so I'm pretty sure that ain't gonna be like the "jjgold blow an old man for cash" deal. the shirts are supposed to be ready to mail on Thursday, so you punters who live in the US should have 'em early nest week, just in time for the Star Trek convention yer all holdin' yer breathe for.

Ladies, I know all you degenerate gambler-types love that Bill Dozer cat for all the good scoop he dishes, and for gettin' back yer dough, but i gotta say i'm sick of him bustin' my balls over these friggin' homo shirts. He vetoed my last plan (didn't even send back my sample), cuz "these shirts are sh!t ".....I'm a resourceful guy, so i took a little trip down to Little Seoul to a flea market, er BOUTIQUE I heard about, and forked over big cash for these Tammy Bahammy shirts they got. these threads are the real deal, complete with flowers and crap. even made from this swanky high-roller silk they just invented, %100 Rayon according to the little tag deal......got my old lady stitching on the SBR logo and they'll be in the mail to all you nancys by Monday. lesson learned, squares, always read a contract before ya sign, or at least keep a copy......these SBR boys are mighty crafty, I'm just glad we got this straightened out

[kdmfox]

Willie ... I don't have much to base this on, certainly not past history, but I have a feeling The Prick isn't going to be the pushover he was last year.

[mad]

LOL, the Prickster's a funny fucker. Brings me back...
(A whole 12 months).

[BigDaddy]

this is some funny shit!

[Pickle]

That is some funny stuff there Prick. I hope your picks are funny too.

[joe blow]

This guy cracks me up!!!

[HAPPY BOY]

The Prick is a big sack of dog shit mixed in with a corn covered turd that has a nack for pickin loosers, but that said ya gotta love the lil guy.

[The Prick]

HB, yer workin my last nerve son. just when i was gonna invite yer back-stabbin' ass down to CR for my NFL kickoff bash. can't trust none of you forum queers

[pags11]

man this brings back the memories...

[The Prick]

I may've decided to let 50 of you fairies win this first week, some "legendary" marketing genius at SBR sez it's good fer business.....so in advance for week 1, you boys are welcome. if ya spell yer name right, and manage to remember yer CRIS account, ya just might get paid. 'course, if this glaucoma medicine works out as well as it should, i may just 'cap into the wee hours and come out with guns blazin'

[JohnnyBoy928]

Its Always Business...

You smoking that funny stuff for your glaucoma?

[The Prick]

ain't nothing funny 'bout glaucoma, Juan, i'm gonna have a telethon to raise dough for medicine for us poor afflicted.

[pags11]

here's one from this week:

Prick: "oh wait, Cris opened the Iowa game strictly for me at 8.5 and then opened it for everyone else at 13.5"...yeah, frickin' right...

[The Prick]

Pags, ain't you tired of diggin' through my garbage cans yet son? yer followin' me around with yer hand out like a blind hooker with a tin cup fulla pencils. i gotta get a farging restraining order to keep this nutty bastage from sleepin on the wall in front of my house

[manly]

any idea what the prick's record was last yr?

[The Prick]

any idea what the prick's record was last yr?

good enough to get me a big-ass raise, kid. or at least good enough to bring me back for a sophomore season.

[psycho44]

why is the Prick's finger so straight?

[pags11]

he uses it to bang the whores Cris gets him...

[The Prick]

The Prick is a big sack of dog shit mixed in with a corn covered turd that has a nack for pickin loosers, but that said ya gotta love the lil guy.

HB, i reckon we should have a little side action on this year's BTP deal. loser (you) sends the winner (me) a bottle of Bushmill's Malt 21 Year. don't be skeered, put it up