Want to bang this girl at work. Any pointers
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act proper and presidential
grab her by the pussyComment -
I'm pissing my pants
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Is Centaur banned?
His posts were hilarious.Comment -
RIP TheCentaurComment -
What's wrong with porn breaks? I have to JO 5 times a day just so I don't kill everyone.Comment -
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BTW the screen name of BiTeMe UsAdoj is beyond prophetic
We all know now that the DOJ and the FBI is horribly corrupt with politics.... this screen name was created in 2010!!!!!!!
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Okay I checked back the BITEME USA DOJ moniker was created in 2011 not 2010... bite me
Pure genius
I love the comedic genius of the writing abilities of the guys on this thread. A bit dated... need new material. Keep it coming.Comment -
Hashbrown#### best sbr thread everComment -
Typical day for The Centaur
10:15 AM- Wake up. Watch an old “The Jeffersons” episode DVR'd off TV Land to get going. Calls George the n-word 3 minutes into the episode and at 7 minute mark declares Weezy the “missing link”. Convinces himself their son Lionel is a bastard child despite George and Weezy being married. Scolds show writers aloud for not having storyline where Lionel is in jail doing 10 to 20 at Rikers Island. Laments that Archie Bunker is nowhere to be found in show.
10:45 AM- Shower and shave. Defiantly refuses to manscape, blaming the “libtard” Main Stream Media for erroneously overhyping the hairless trend. Attempts to take morning dump, but to no avail; blames the McDonald's hotcakes & sausage he had the day before for his current constipation, and is convinced his local Mickey D's swapped out the real pancake batter for inferior Aunt Jemima mix. Suspects the Mickey D's manager (African-American) “has it out for him” and somehow knows that ever since he was frightened by the picture of Aunt Jemima on the box when he was a child, “it binds him worse than ttwarrior on a 3-day Cheez Whizz binge.” Resolves to take some Ex-Lax and try again later.
11:20 AM- Watch footage of some SBR poker tourneys he's recorded on his computer. Fixates on BiTeMe's play and documents every bet, raise, fold BiTe makes for every single hand; downloads documented info onto special thumb drive marked “BiTeMe -- My Yoda”. Is now convinced he's ready to challenge bobbywaves to a “most cashes contest”. Writes an email to Shari for the 475th consecutive day lobbying for her to let him back on SBR. For the 475th consecutive day, Shari writes him back telling him to “FOAD you douche canoe!”. He mumbles “you Australian m*dshark” under his breath and shuts down computer.
12:30 PM- Drives to local high school parking lot to watch the underage girls (and certain select boys... 3 tops) on lunch break and to call daneblazer on his TracPhone.
Centaur: “So, you're lookin to vulcanize the whoopee stick with a chick at work, huh?”
daneblazer: “WTF are you talkin about?... you banned weirdo you. I just want to bang this woman... plain and simple. Go beam your tribbles all over Uhura's dilithium crystals somewhere else, pal. Hell, just talk the way that got you banned, I've read Mein Kampf, I'll understand you better that way."
Centaur (Face reddens): “Er, uh, OK... I was just trying to sound like the cool kids. Sorry. So, have you done a background check on her? Have you made sure there isn't so much as an iota of African blood in her lineage?”
daneblazer: “Ah, you mean like at ancestry.com or something?”
Centaur: “Pfft... that site is too politically fuckin correct. Too main stream and run by Jews. I'd recommend JosefMengele.com – it's where I get all my screenings done. You won't be sorry... accuracy second to none. I love their motto: “Before your penis goes on full attack, make sure she don't have no drop of Black.”
daneblazer (shaking head): “Ah, listen jackass...I really don't care if she's Mike Tyson and Maya Angelou's love child. She's fukkin hot and I want to bone her.”
Centaur: “Specious.”
(Awkward silence)
Centaur: “Uh, dane?... daner?... you still there, buddy? Ah, daner... I don't have many minutes left on my TracPhone, bud. Answer me, goddammit. DANER. (tension filled pause) DANER GET BACK ON THAT PHONE YOU (#!%%&^) LOVER!!!!”
(dial tone)
12:55 PM- Arrive at post office. Mail angry letter to Adam Silver demanding Silver force a team to sign either Justin Beiber (he's seen him play in celebrity charity events) or Adam Morrison.
1:05 PM- Stop for gas. Go inside to buy a hood and white sheets @ Love's Travel Stop and Country store (they have everything!) Make small talk with 2 college chicks in line with him.
Centaur: “You hate black guys as much as me?...hehe”
Girls: “Um, what?”
Centaur: “Ah... screw you two m*dsharks! You would've answered faster and correctly if you both weren't two Lindsay Czarniak wannabes. Fukk off... YOU.MAKE.ME.SICK.”
Girls: “Can you just please leave us alone u fukkin freak before I get a state trooper here?!”
Centaur (Face reddens with anger): Thinks to himself, 'I'm a nice guy. I just tell it like it really is. Not a racist at all.'
1:20 PM- Arrive home. Pleasures himself imagining Arianna Grande, but can't 'finish' because Opie called Arianna a “m*dshark” in multiple threads in the past and his nads adore Opie (both genetically and subconciously). He gets pissed he can't complete the mission, but is happy he stayed true to Opie and saved a tube sock from having to be washed.
1:25 PM- For old times sake and to prevent himself from crying, he attempts to log on to SBR (but can't due to banning)... but is comforted that he tried. Sets DVR to record the original “Birth of a Nation” coming on at midnight on TCM.
2:00 PM- Afternoon election coverage break; becomes irate when all the news stations report that Trump is going to get his ass kicked by Hillary... and starts stomping the floor and pounding the wall.
2:25 PM- Knock at the door. It's his downstairs neighbor
Downstairs Neighbor: “What's all the racket?”
Centaur: “Aw, I'm just going a little bonkers before I lie down in the fetal position. BTW, can I touch your pussy?”
Downstairs Neighbor: “I'm a dude you fukkin freak. You want me to knock your teeth down your throat now or wait till you call an ambulance first?”
Centaur (Face reddens): “Look, I'm sorry... I know you're a dude. A pretty good looking one at that and my Kinsey scale is kinda going haywire looking at you right now... but, believe me, I only asked if I could touch your pussy because my hero The Donald likes to say it and I'm really upset that he's going to lose to Hillary. It just blurted out...” (long tense pause) “I know we started off this conversation rough... but can I ask you 3 things?”
Downstairs Neighbor: “What? What are you talking about?”
Centaur: “First question: Are we gonna still get a wall with Hillary, and will Mexico pay for it?”
Downstairs Neighbor: “Ah... NO, dumbass.”
Centaur: “Second question: Any chance David Duke could jump in now and beat Hillary?”
Downstairs Neighbor: “Ah... NO, shit-fer-brains.”
Centaur: “Third question: Ah... (awkward silence)... Can I touch your pee pee?”
3:00 PM- Wakes up in local hospital's Emergency Room. Doctor explains that his neighbor's punch to his face probably would've gave most a severe concussion, but because he's so narrow-minded and hard-headed, he escaped serious injury and is free to go. Tries to hit on discharge nurse for a date later, but she tells him loudly so the whole floor hears: “Piss off, wanker.” He smiles while walking out the door because the nurse was English and he'd never been rejected so aristocratically, before. He considers it a “win”.
6:30 PM- Order dinner at the local chapter of the John Birch Society. Eat
7:30 PM- Tries to post to SBR. DENIED, again (banned). Settles on emailing ttwarrior and sideloaded. That reminds him he hasn't fed his 2 pet fish today.
10:00 PM- Sprinkle some flake food in the water for “Joseph” and “McCarthy””. Thinks again about tt and sideloaded and decides he needs two more fish to join the other two. Will name them: “Weather” and “Girls”.
10:05 PM- Wind down with some porn. At first dicouraged pornhub's “straight porn” servers are down, but finally decides to explore those “Kinsey Scale” feelings he was experiencing with the Downstairs Neighbor and clicks the ALT tab.
11:00 PM- Sees BiteMe playing the 11pm. Will watch and record his every move.
2:15 AM- Strains on toilet to relieve his day-long constipation. Still a no-go, so he googles autodonk's number and calls donk's landline to report: “Houston, we have a problem.” Donk's lovely wife is awoken from her slumber and tells him to, “Blow it out your ass, fukkface. Call here again and my husband will kick you so hard you'll be wearing your ass for a hat.”
2:30 AM- Takes more Ex-Lax to help things along. Takes too much, mini-overdoses and shitts the bed. Decides to just sleep in it and will clean up in the morning. Go to sleep.Comment -
Sounds like a typical day for me... you stalking me?Comment -
Miss these guysComment -
👀 where’s bite...Comment
