<style>@font-face ** font-family: "Times New Roman"; **p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal ** margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; **a:link, span.MsoHyperlink ** color: blue; text-decoration: underline; **a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed ** color: purple; text-decoration: underline; **table.MsoNormalTable ** font-size: 10pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; **div.Section1 ** page: Section1; **</style> As I sit here on my Apple working on today’s takes I would be terribly remiss if I didn’t pour a little morning coffee out for Steve Jobs—the man whom without I would still be writing this on paper or worse yet a PC. Although let’s be honest; most of these jokes are written on cocktail napkins and the back of envelopes and about 10% are lucky enough to find their way to the Apple screen. Anyway, before you get bombarded with punchlines like I-Coffin and the like let’s see if these jokes can kill.
The Redskins need to settle down
After rolling to a 3-1 start, the Redskins coast into their bye week like the frauds that they are attracting attention to themselves to distract people from the fact that they have beaten nobody. (They took down the awful Cards and Rams and beat an out of sync Giants team in week one). So, rather than focus on getting better, they are talking smack to the media. I’m not sure what is worse Tim Hightower saying “The fun will be in February when you guys are interviewing us up in Indy. That’ll be fun” thereby begging other NFL teams to remind them what a playoff football team looks like or Chris Cooley who said yesterday "hilarious to watch [Romo] throw pick sixes." Didn’t he beat you Chris?
The Skins are doing well because one has really paid attention to them and while they have a schedule that is easier than Lindsay Lohan on barbiturates, they are setting themselves up for a huge fall be cause being an NFL team is like being a pornstar—it’s much harder to perform when people see you coming. And believe me, the Redskins are going to wind up as embarrassed as anyone who “peaks” too early.
Don’t Tweet your Crime if you can’t Tweet the time
Why do NFL Players continue to insult is by saying their twitter accounts were hacked.. the latest being Jeremy Shockey who—after and incredibly ticky-tack call of offensive pass interference negated his TD—came out on twitter the following day saying Worst f….. call ever ands attacked the refs only to proverbially recant the following day with what has become a popular excuse among athletes who spend more time writing tweets
than they ever did writing college papers. The worst was Braylon Edwards who during the lockout was at a bar in Michigan with his cousins when they got into a fight with the bouncers—in which one stabbed a bouncer with a pen knife and the other with a fork before Braylon allegedly jumped. As this was going on, Braylon’s account said “Damn. Get ya knuckles ready” and “Don’t fight if. You don’t know how. When his adrenaline—and BAC—lowered the next day it dawned on him that a free agent looking for work may not need that so he told the media he’d lost his phone that evening. Really Braylon? Someone saw your phone and knowing you were in a fight decided to tweet about it.
Players, before you put yourselves the position where you are going to insult our intelligence with these denials, think twice before you make it so obvious that only you could have sent it. If someone tweets “this girl can really kick on defense” we know it’s coming from Hope Solo or Ben Roethlisberger. And you never see offensive linemen get in trouble with their tweets… probably because they weigh three hundred pounds and they are not tweeting anything with those huge fingers and those small buttons. 325-pound Patriots Nose tackle Vince Wilfork has two incredible interceptions this year and all he’s tweeted thus far about them is “Mmmph—mphfttymph”
Geno’s Pick (4-3 in NCAA ATS)
Oregon -24 vs Califronia
Sure we totally missed our USF over Pitt pick last week—I guess the joke wasn’t that good. So let’s take another crack tonight as the Golden Bears travel into Eugene to take on the Oregon Ducks in a Pac-12 matchup. Sure both teams are 3-1, but use your brains people—Oregon’s loss came in their first game against soon to be number one ranked LSU; Cal’s came in their last game against the Huskies in Washington. But the real fact of the matter is that—since losing that opener to LSU—Oregon has played with something to prove and outscored their opponents 181-58. Why, because in losing their first game of the season after playing for the national championship put Oregon in a corner as they know they cannot possibly lose another game if they wanna get back there. And college teams are a lot like battered women; they’re so much harder to beat when they’re desperate. It’s a joke people… the only thing worse than hitting a woman would be if you didn’t hit Oregon tonight.
Lord love a Duck tonight and lay the 24
Geno’s Picks for week 5 goes up tomorrow and why aren’t you following me @genospicks on twitter yet?
The Redskins need to settle down
After rolling to a 3-1 start, the Redskins coast into their bye week like the frauds that they are attracting attention to themselves to distract people from the fact that they have beaten nobody. (They took down the awful Cards and Rams and beat an out of sync Giants team in week one). So, rather than focus on getting better, they are talking smack to the media. I’m not sure what is worse Tim Hightower saying “The fun will be in February when you guys are interviewing us up in Indy. That’ll be fun” thereby begging other NFL teams to remind them what a playoff football team looks like or Chris Cooley who said yesterday "hilarious to watch [Romo] throw pick sixes." Didn’t he beat you Chris?
The Skins are doing well because one has really paid attention to them and while they have a schedule that is easier than Lindsay Lohan on barbiturates, they are setting themselves up for a huge fall be cause being an NFL team is like being a pornstar—it’s much harder to perform when people see you coming. And believe me, the Redskins are going to wind up as embarrassed as anyone who “peaks” too early.
Don’t Tweet your Crime if you can’t Tweet the time
Why do NFL Players continue to insult is by saying their twitter accounts were hacked.. the latest being Jeremy Shockey who—after and incredibly ticky-tack call of offensive pass interference negated his TD—came out on twitter the following day saying Worst f….. call ever ands attacked the refs only to proverbially recant the following day with what has become a popular excuse among athletes who spend more time writing tweets
than they ever did writing college papers. The worst was Braylon Edwards who during the lockout was at a bar in Michigan with his cousins when they got into a fight with the bouncers—in which one stabbed a bouncer with a pen knife and the other with a fork before Braylon allegedly jumped. As this was going on, Braylon’s account said “Damn. Get ya knuckles ready” and “Don’t fight if. You don’t know how. When his adrenaline—and BAC—lowered the next day it dawned on him that a free agent looking for work may not need that so he told the media he’d lost his phone that evening. Really Braylon? Someone saw your phone and knowing you were in a fight decided to tweet about it.
Players, before you put yourselves the position where you are going to insult our intelligence with these denials, think twice before you make it so obvious that only you could have sent it. If someone tweets “this girl can really kick on defense” we know it’s coming from Hope Solo or Ben Roethlisberger. And you never see offensive linemen get in trouble with their tweets… probably because they weigh three hundred pounds and they are not tweeting anything with those huge fingers and those small buttons. 325-pound Patriots Nose tackle Vince Wilfork has two incredible interceptions this year and all he’s tweeted thus far about them is “Mmmph—mphfttymph”
Geno’s Pick (4-3 in NCAA ATS)
Oregon -24 vs Califronia
Sure we totally missed our USF over Pitt pick last week—I guess the joke wasn’t that good. So let’s take another crack tonight as the Golden Bears travel into Eugene to take on the Oregon Ducks in a Pac-12 matchup. Sure both teams are 3-1, but use your brains people—Oregon’s loss came in their first game against soon to be number one ranked LSU; Cal’s came in their last game against the Huskies in Washington. But the real fact of the matter is that—since losing that opener to LSU—Oregon has played with something to prove and outscored their opponents 181-58. Why, because in losing their first game of the season after playing for the national championship put Oregon in a corner as they know they cannot possibly lose another game if they wanna get back there. And college teams are a lot like battered women; they’re so much harder to beat when they’re desperate. It’s a joke people… the only thing worse than hitting a woman would be if you didn’t hit Oregon tonight.
Lord love a Duck tonight and lay the 24
Geno’s Picks for week 5 goes up tomorrow and why aren’t you following me @genospicks on twitter yet?