Betting American Idol & The Seven Dwarfs
By: Robyn & Bread | sbrforum.com
Last week's shocker was Aussie Michael Johns being cut from the American Idol lineup, leaving the list pared to a Magnificent Seven. Well, maybe not so magnificent, more like the Seven Dwarfs really. Bread rejoins his main squeeze Robyn this week to critique Tuesday night's performances and delve into other issues such as the burning question about what really did happen to Jimmy Hoffa.
I apologize for my absence last week. I'm back to rescue the Idol article from I-dull. Just kidding...I have to give Joey B a bit of a hard time. He did a fantastic job last week.
Michael Johns’ elimination was a surprise last week. This week's theme was Mariah Carey songs. The contestants should be thankful that Derek Jeter isn't a judge.
David Archuleta – 'When You Believe'
Odds: -185
Bread: In recognition of the Final 7, I will be naming the dwarf who best represents each remaining contestant. And without a doubt, Archuleta is Happy. His “gee willikers” personality is nauseating at times. The kid can sing, no doubt, but doesn't he look like you just want to set him on your mantle and show him off to friends and family? I have money on him not to win it all, and I'm sticking to it.
Robyn: Last week, David looked like monchichi. This week, awkwardly wearing leather pants, he looked like a pre-pubescent Hal Sparks (better known for the VH1 I Love the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s series). With Dennis Franz in the string section, David sang a pretty...boring version of this Mariah/Whitney duet. It was a safe choice for him and seemed to blend in with the last five songs he has performed on the show. The girls still love him, even though he is still learning how to speak, sit and fetch.
Randy said that David has proven that he can sing anything.
Paula said that he made Mariah proud.
Simon said that he performed the song very well.
Carly Smithson – 'Without You'
Odds: +1900
Bread: Carly is Grumpy because she lost her dear friend, the Australian hottie Michael Johns, last week. She might want to be careful or her husband the Lizard Man is going to get pissed! She sang the greatest song ever recorded set to a suicide scene in movies (The Rules of Attraction) and I liked it. I'm enjoying my bet for her to outlast Brooke White at this point.
Robyn: For all you young girls out there, just know that you can find comfort in diet pills! Hey, they helped Carly Smithson shed about 35 lbs in just over 4 weeks!
I was glad to see that Carly finally listened to her stylist and dressed like a lady. There’s only a tiny portion of the country who enjoys looking at that nasty tattoo sleeve week after week. For those of you who have been curious about the mysterious “Lizard Man” Bread keeps referencing, here is a photo compilation from two very wise and dear friends of mine, Manny and Doc.
As you can see, the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa has been solved. And as to be expected, Constantine Maroulis is making his presence known by popping up in the strangest of places: Lizard Man’s gold (or is it rotten?) tooth.
Randy said that Carly needs to believe in and trust her lower range.
Paula loved that she showed restraint (and then some random garbling followed).
Simon said that it was just an OK performance.
Syesha Mercado – 'Vanishing'
Odds: +3250
Bread: Syesha would be Sneezy because that girl's hair is CRAZY! I love it. I finally figured out who she looks like. Thandie Newton from 'Crash'...and there ain't nuthin wrong with that! She fared very well on Mariah Carey night. One of her family members celebrated himself into a seizuring frenzy. This performance should keep her out of the Bottom 3 for the first time in a few weeks. Hopefully the next theme isn't Merle Haggard week.
Robyn: Syesha picked one of my favorite Mariah Carey songs. I thought she sounded amazing and looked like a star. I am hoping that this performance can snap her back on track so that she can stick around a while longer.
Randy recognized that Syesha always picks tough songs and thought she did a good job.
Paula made sense for once by saying that her song choice was smart because not many people have heard the song and will not compare her to Mariah.
Simon said that she was technically very good but disagreed with Paula in that he felt she should have picked a more recognizable song.
Brooke White – 'Hero'
Odds: +2400
Bread: Brooke would be Sleepy. She missed her sister's wedding this past week. She shook violently during her performance, and then once again was condescending to the judges. The judges even spent two minutes talking about burgers instead of critiquing her. Someone give me a pillow. She'll probably pack the house at the Lilith Fair tour.
Robyn: I am with Bread on this one. Brooke is really, really boring. She chose to play the entire song on the grand piano without backing from the band. While that is sometimes refreshing, this was not the right song for her to attempt pulling this off. Instead of coming across as a professional singer/musician, I felt as if I were watching a live feed from the local non-denominational church at 7:00 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Her vocals were weak and her playing seemed to fall apart toward the end of the song. Not good.
Randy was digging the song until the bridge when she lost her confidence.
Paula is an idiot.
Simon said that Brooke is like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun. And then Paula said, "Where’s the beef?" about 60 times. Annoying.
Kristy Lee Cook – ‘Forever’
Odds: +4900
Bread: Kristy Lee, with her blond hair and country demeanor, has to be Dopey. Sorry, someone had to be. Make no doubt though, she is still a bona fide hottie. Watching her talking with Mariah, probably gave me the most fantasies of a threesome since the Scarlett Johansson/Natalie Portman interview on the Today Show. Cook sang very well and out of nowhere, I am thinking about maybe laying some wagers on her being the highest finishing female. She won't win it all, but that one might be a good bet.
Robyn: For such a pretty girl, Kristy sure does some weird things when she performs on stage. Despite all of the squatting and face making, she actually sounded good! And let me tell you, that isn’t easy for me to say. She picked the perfect song for her voice and the arrangement was better than the actual Mariah version. I feel like a traitor admitting that.
Randy said that it wasn’t amazing but she started stepping up toward the end of the song.
Paula was blown away (if we could only be so lucky).
Simon said that she was whining in parts of the song and that it just wasn’t that great.
David Cook – 'Always Be My Baby'
Odds: +240
Bread: David is Doc because Robyn used to have a singing director named Doc who is apparently a musical genius. My winning pick's performance was so good that Randy gave his first standing ovation of the year. Although, I'm not fully convinced he didn't want to stand up for someone three weeks ago, and just now mustered the energy.
Robyn: David is looking more and more like a polished “rock star” every week and the ladies seem to love him to pieces. From what I have heard, David is primarily responsible for most of his arrangements on the show. Very impressive. The kid is quite a musician. He is still my pick to win the show, although I think he would have much more success if he were to be eliminated two or three weeks before the show ends.
Randy said that more than anyone on the show, David is ready to go out there and make an album.
Paula said that the song could be in a movie soundtrack.
Simon said that David is original and daring…a great sign of an artist who takes risks.
Jason Castro – 'I Don’t Wanna Cry'
+1570
Bread: Castro would be Bashful. He is just out of his league. He doesn't have the voice or the attitude to compete with the remaining contestants. I just got a visual of Bashful with Jason's locks. I'm not gonna lie...It was pretty funny.
Robyn: Mariah suggested a slightly different melody for the beginning of the song, which I really liked. And then he had to do his own thing and it fell apart. I really enjoyed the arrangement, I just wasn’t impressed with the performance.
Randy said “Check it out baby, I didn’t really love it” and said that it was like being at a weird luau on the beach.
Paula said that she would love to be at that luau and listening all night long.
Simon said that it wasn’t a great vocal, but the song was identifiable to Jason and he liked it.
Robyn’s Bottom Three:
• Carly
• Brooke
• David Archuleta (I’m going for the shock factor)
Bread’s Bottom Three:
• Carly
• Brooke (Bread's pick as most likely to go home tonight)
• Jason
By: Robyn & Bread | sbrforum.com
Last week's shocker was Aussie Michael Johns being cut from the American Idol lineup, leaving the list pared to a Magnificent Seven. Well, maybe not so magnificent, more like the Seven Dwarfs really. Bread rejoins his main squeeze Robyn this week to critique Tuesday night's performances and delve into other issues such as the burning question about what really did happen to Jimmy Hoffa.
I apologize for my absence last week. I'm back to rescue the Idol article from I-dull. Just kidding...I have to give Joey B a bit of a hard time. He did a fantastic job last week.
Michael Johns’ elimination was a surprise last week. This week's theme was Mariah Carey songs. The contestants should be thankful that Derek Jeter isn't a judge.
David Archuleta – 'When You Believe'
Odds: -185
Bread: In recognition of the Final 7, I will be naming the dwarf who best represents each remaining contestant. And without a doubt, Archuleta is Happy. His “gee willikers” personality is nauseating at times. The kid can sing, no doubt, but doesn't he look like you just want to set him on your mantle and show him off to friends and family? I have money on him not to win it all, and I'm sticking to it.
Robyn: Last week, David looked like monchichi. This week, awkwardly wearing leather pants, he looked like a pre-pubescent Hal Sparks (better known for the VH1 I Love the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s series). With Dennis Franz in the string section, David sang a pretty...boring version of this Mariah/Whitney duet. It was a safe choice for him and seemed to blend in with the last five songs he has performed on the show. The girls still love him, even though he is still learning how to speak, sit and fetch.
Randy said that David has proven that he can sing anything.
Paula said that he made Mariah proud.
Simon said that he performed the song very well.
Carly Smithson – 'Without You'
Odds: +1900
Bread: Carly is Grumpy because she lost her dear friend, the Australian hottie Michael Johns, last week. She might want to be careful or her husband the Lizard Man is going to get pissed! She sang the greatest song ever recorded set to a suicide scene in movies (The Rules of Attraction) and I liked it. I'm enjoying my bet for her to outlast Brooke White at this point.
Robyn: For all you young girls out there, just know that you can find comfort in diet pills! Hey, they helped Carly Smithson shed about 35 lbs in just over 4 weeks!
I was glad to see that Carly finally listened to her stylist and dressed like a lady. There’s only a tiny portion of the country who enjoys looking at that nasty tattoo sleeve week after week. For those of you who have been curious about the mysterious “Lizard Man” Bread keeps referencing, here is a photo compilation from two very wise and dear friends of mine, Manny and Doc.
As you can see, the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa has been solved. And as to be expected, Constantine Maroulis is making his presence known by popping up in the strangest of places: Lizard Man’s gold (or is it rotten?) tooth.
Randy said that Carly needs to believe in and trust her lower range.
Paula loved that she showed restraint (and then some random garbling followed).
Simon said that it was just an OK performance.
Syesha Mercado – 'Vanishing'
Odds: +3250
Bread: Syesha would be Sneezy because that girl's hair is CRAZY! I love it. I finally figured out who she looks like. Thandie Newton from 'Crash'...and there ain't nuthin wrong with that! She fared very well on Mariah Carey night. One of her family members celebrated himself into a seizuring frenzy. This performance should keep her out of the Bottom 3 for the first time in a few weeks. Hopefully the next theme isn't Merle Haggard week.
Robyn: Syesha picked one of my favorite Mariah Carey songs. I thought she sounded amazing and looked like a star. I am hoping that this performance can snap her back on track so that she can stick around a while longer.
Randy recognized that Syesha always picks tough songs and thought she did a good job.
Paula made sense for once by saying that her song choice was smart because not many people have heard the song and will not compare her to Mariah.
Simon said that she was technically very good but disagreed with Paula in that he felt she should have picked a more recognizable song.
Brooke White – 'Hero'
Odds: +2400
Bread: Brooke would be Sleepy. She missed her sister's wedding this past week. She shook violently during her performance, and then once again was condescending to the judges. The judges even spent two minutes talking about burgers instead of critiquing her. Someone give me a pillow. She'll probably pack the house at the Lilith Fair tour.
Robyn: I am with Bread on this one. Brooke is really, really boring. She chose to play the entire song on the grand piano without backing from the band. While that is sometimes refreshing, this was not the right song for her to attempt pulling this off. Instead of coming across as a professional singer/musician, I felt as if I were watching a live feed from the local non-denominational church at 7:00 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Her vocals were weak and her playing seemed to fall apart toward the end of the song. Not good.
Randy was digging the song until the bridge when she lost her confidence.
Paula is an idiot.
Simon said that Brooke is like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun. And then Paula said, "Where’s the beef?" about 60 times. Annoying.
Kristy Lee Cook – ‘Forever’
Odds: +4900
Bread: Kristy Lee, with her blond hair and country demeanor, has to be Dopey. Sorry, someone had to be. Make no doubt though, she is still a bona fide hottie. Watching her talking with Mariah, probably gave me the most fantasies of a threesome since the Scarlett Johansson/Natalie Portman interview on the Today Show. Cook sang very well and out of nowhere, I am thinking about maybe laying some wagers on her being the highest finishing female. She won't win it all, but that one might be a good bet.
Robyn: For such a pretty girl, Kristy sure does some weird things when she performs on stage. Despite all of the squatting and face making, she actually sounded good! And let me tell you, that isn’t easy for me to say. She picked the perfect song for her voice and the arrangement was better than the actual Mariah version. I feel like a traitor admitting that.
Randy said that it wasn’t amazing but she started stepping up toward the end of the song.
Paula was blown away (if we could only be so lucky).
Simon said that she was whining in parts of the song and that it just wasn’t that great.
David Cook – 'Always Be My Baby'
Odds: +240
Bread: David is Doc because Robyn used to have a singing director named Doc who is apparently a musical genius. My winning pick's performance was so good that Randy gave his first standing ovation of the year. Although, I'm not fully convinced he didn't want to stand up for someone three weeks ago, and just now mustered the energy.
Robyn: David is looking more and more like a polished “rock star” every week and the ladies seem to love him to pieces. From what I have heard, David is primarily responsible for most of his arrangements on the show. Very impressive. The kid is quite a musician. He is still my pick to win the show, although I think he would have much more success if he were to be eliminated two or three weeks before the show ends.
Randy said that more than anyone on the show, David is ready to go out there and make an album.
Paula said that the song could be in a movie soundtrack.
Simon said that David is original and daring…a great sign of an artist who takes risks.
Jason Castro – 'I Don’t Wanna Cry'
+1570
Bread: Castro would be Bashful. He is just out of his league. He doesn't have the voice or the attitude to compete with the remaining contestants. I just got a visual of Bashful with Jason's locks. I'm not gonna lie...It was pretty funny.
Robyn: Mariah suggested a slightly different melody for the beginning of the song, which I really liked. And then he had to do his own thing and it fell apart. I really enjoyed the arrangement, I just wasn’t impressed with the performance.
Randy said “Check it out baby, I didn’t really love it” and said that it was like being at a weird luau on the beach.
Paula said that she would love to be at that luau and listening all night long.
Simon said that it wasn’t a great vocal, but the song was identifiable to Jason and he liked it.
Robyn’s Bottom Three:
• Carly
• Brooke
• David Archuleta (I’m going for the shock factor)
Bread’s Bottom Three:
• Carly
• Brooke (Bread's pick as most likely to go home tonight)
• Jason
Long week at work on the road literally this week so I am just now reading this stuff. Funny shit again. Show Paula and her Chihuahua's every week is my vote.