Friends giving friends money.....

Red_Sux · 03-25-08, 02:56 PM

sad

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 03:03 PM

Ive always been there to help my friend with anything.....a while back I had the 'hook up' with direct tv....I gave their household free tv for about 2 years....I think I might have got my $200 back from dude...but that was just for the equipment...always gave him rides places...he dosent have a car or a license...just basically been there for him...seen him as part of my family...I mean he could come over my house and go in my fridge type of friend

well recently he has had a nice run of luck....winning about $10,000....but yet Ive gotten no phone calls....just hearing through the grapevine he won....but no love over here....no love for my daughter...no nothing...just right back to the track...he didnt buy anything...right back to the track to brag...and a bigger voucher to bet with...until the money is all gone....then he is back to square 1 trying to bum a hot dog of someone...this is real people....$10,000 one day....begging for money the next....sickigambler?....lmfao..should I be upset with the guy??

I am....Im very upset...more hurt...maybe there is some envy from him tword me....I have a family and a wife to come home to after the race track....he dosent have anyone really...his brother dont hang with him cause his brother pays everything so his bro resents him in a way for not pulling his own weight...

but the insight im looking for from the good people here at SBR...is

I understand he is a sicki....I understand this...but the last 2 years dude has changed....and I cant relate to him on anything that pertains to real life....seems like we have grown apart...well he finally got a job at fed ex...so now he has money to gamble with every week....point being

if someone you considered a family member...or a good friend....won a good amount of money...and couldnt even come through to buy you a drink....or....take his god daughter shopping when he forgot to buy her a xmas and birthday present past year...would you be upset?

and dont get it twisted....ive given this guy a ride home or to work when it was raining or he would have had to walk...ive seen him in the corner busted and ive come over and slipped him a $20 if I was doing good...ive always been there for him...one time we were at santa anita and he wasent doing good...I said "lets go half on this ticket" he said "nah"...so I said "dont worry ill cover your half" ...the ticket hit for about a $1000 and I gave him $500 right there...thats the type of love I had for the guy

but I dont feel...at this moment in time...he really dont care about me and my family....so someone ive been friends with for 10 years plus...im preparing myself to eliminate him from my life

I mean...how much is a friendship worth??...a couple hundred dollars out of $10,000?

you tell me

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 03:13 PM

oh one thing I forgot to mention...

and my other friends always bring this up...but Im confused

he is part japanese...his mom was japanese and his dad was white

is it something in his bloodline??

lmfao....im all ****ed up over here today....on some real life shit

AgainstAllOdds · 03-25-08, 03:13 PM

A very touching story to say the least but heres what I have to say about it.

You may have once had a very powerful realationship with him but now you dont. You have to ask yourself if you were to meet somebody new tomorrrow, and they had the same habits as him, would you become friends with them?...if the answer is no then you know what you have to do(cut him) if the answer is yes then maybe try to get him some help. The worst thing you can do is keep helping him out with things like rides or food...sometimes when people dont have dependents they FALL HARD but relize somethings wrong and start improving their life...I think thats what you have to do with him but gl to whatever you decside.

willyback · 03-25-08, 03:13 PM

Money changes everything (for better or worse).

Louisvillekid1 · 03-25-08, 03:17 PM

You seem to have a solid grasp on who he has become. . .

Don't sweat over the money, get em an intervention or into GA . . .

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 03:18 PM

Originally posted by AgainstAllOdds

A very touching story to say the least but heres what I have to say about it.

You may have once had a very powerful realationship with him but now you dont. You have to ask yourself if you were to meet somebody new tomorrrow, and they had the same habits as him, would you become friends with them?...if the answer is no then you know what you have to do(cut him) if the answer is yes then maybe try to get him some help. The worst thing you can do is keep helping him out with things like rides or food...sometimes when people dont have dependents they FALL HARD but relize somethings wrong and start improving their life...I think thats what you have to do with him but gl to whatever you decside.

thx for your input odds....makes sense what you are saying...if I met someone like that today

my wife says something needs to happen where he hits rock bottom and maybe it will be a reality check

but we are talking about someone that has never had to pay rent in his life

I cant go gamble my paycheck....or my family would be in the street

its ****ed up right now for me

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 03:21 PM

Originally posted by willyback

Money changes everything (for better or worse).

ya....some people change up when it comes to money...but what they dont realize is its not 'real'

Originally posted by Louisvillekid1

You seem to have a solid grasp on who he has become. . .

Don't sweat over the money, get em an intervention or into GA . . .

I got my own chips...the little couple hundred he might have gave me dosent impact what I do...I would bet that in one race or one game...haha...but everyone else got some money...a few others guys that be at the track with us said that they got something from him...everyone except me

kinda like a slap in the face

daggerkobe · 03-25-08, 03:25 PM

I think you should continue to be there for him. Gambling is a sickness, just like drugs and alcoholism. There was a time in my life when I used to skirt responsibilities, such as going to work, just so I could drive all day to Vegas to gamble. Getting high from gambling was my life and I didn't care about birthdays, family or friends. I would spend every last dime of my paycheck on gambling instead of responsible stuff such as car payments, utility, food, etc. I was a complete mess.

I'm not like that anymore and I am thankful that my family and friends did not abandon me in my time of darkness. They were always there for me and I thank them for that.

So I think you should continue to be there for him, just don't enable him like giving him gambling money or driving him to the race track. Just be there for him emotionally. It may takes year for him to finally realize that your friendships is more important than gambling, but eventually he will.

Just don't expect anything in return. Even if he were to win $1M, he'll spend it on gambling, not your daughter. That's just the nature of the sickness. It's not personal.

Louisvillekid1 · 03-25-08, 03:25 PM

cut 'em off

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 03:25 PM

so does him being part japanese have ANYTHING to do with it??

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 03:29 PM

Originally posted by daggerkobe

I think you should continue to be there for him. Gambling is a sickness, just like drugs and alcoholism. There was a time in my life when I used to skirt responsibilities, such as going to work, just so I could drive all day to Vegas to gamble. Getting high from gambling was my life and I didn't care about birthdays, family or friends. I would spend every last dime of my paycheck on gambling instead of responsible stuff such as car payments, utility, food, etc. I was a complete mess.

I'm not like that anymore and I am thankful that my family and friends did not abandon me in my time of darkness. They were always there for me and I thank them for that.

So I think you should continue to be there for him, just don't enable him like giving him gambling money or driving him to the race track. Just be there for him emotionally. It may takes year for him to finally realize that your friendships is more important than gambling, but eventually he will.

Just don't expect anything in return. Even if he were to win $1M, he'll spend it on gambling, not your daughter. That's just the nature of the sickness. It's not personal.

some very good insight here....im taking everything you guys are saying in

but why should I wait around for him to get better after treating me like the way he is...to me...right now...I do take it personal

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 03:31 PM

Originally posted by Louisvillekid1

cut 'em off

lmfao...thats how I feel kid

Im like "**** em and the boat he came in on"

oh and for the record....Im not trying to put a damper on your guys day...talking about some sick friend...but who better to ask about someones gambling addiction than here...is what I thought

daggerkobe · 03-25-08, 03:33 PM

what does his race have to do with it? gambling addicts come in all shapes and colors.

but he probably does have a compulsive personality. I certainly do. which is why I avoid drugs, alcohol, cigs and even coffee because I tend to get obssessive about stuff and easily hooked.

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 03:35 PM

Originally posted by daggerkobe

what does his race have to do with it? gambling addicts come in all shapes and colors.

but he probably does have a compulsive personality. I certainly do. which is why I avoid drugs, alcohol, cigs and even coffee because I tend to get obssessive about stuff and easily hooked.

ya he dont drink smoke or anything....just horses

I didnt say race had anything to do with it....but a few people have said to me "it could be the Jap in him making him a cheap ass"

whatever that means...thats why I asked

Red_Sux · 03-25-08, 03:46 PM

10k is nothing. someone can blow that on a prop bet

Deuce · 03-25-08, 03:48 PM

A friend of mine owes me 300 dollars. I have not seen them since June. I try to contact them and get nothing. I will never lend my friends cash ever. I take this as a lesson well learned.

Cee · 03-25-08, 03:48 PM

Originally posted by daddyjj420

so does him being part japanese have ANYTHING to do with it??

That's just an excuse. People make their own decisions in life and live but the consequences. If you are irish, u can't just say I'm irish so I'm drunk all the time. Anyone can say no regardless of culture/race.

Loyalty is the most important thing to me with friends. So i'd roll out on the guy if he forgot about me. Life is a lot easier when u surround yourself with good people.

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 03:50 PM

Originally posted by Red_Sux

10k is nothing. someone can blow that on a prop bet

haha...and the way this guys bets when he gets money...$100 tickets on one horse race...I give it about 2 weeks tops if he dosent hit any big winners in that time

point being...you couldnt chip your boy off after going through all the cash??

**** em

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 03:51 PM

Originally posted by Cee

That's just an excuse. People make their own decisions in life and live but the consequences. If you are irish, u can't just say I'm irish so I'm drunk all the time. Anyone can say no regardless of culture/race.

Loyalty is the most important thing to me with friends. So i'd roll out on the guy if he forgot about me. Life is a lot easier when u surround yourself with good people.

thats just what a few people told me...that japanese or asian decent are cheap and need every last dime to gamble

I never said I agree with that

Red_Sux · 03-25-08, 03:53 PM

Originally posted by daddyjj420

haha...and the way this guys bets when he gets money...$100 tickets on one horse race...I give it about 2 weeks tops if he dosent hit any big winners in that time

point being...you couldnt chip your boy off after going through all the cash??

**** em

dengenerate gambler never change. if they have 10k, they would still drive their shitty car, eat cheap food, and lose everything on gambling. it is a sickness...he might be a decent guy if he get some help.

FreeFall · 03-25-08, 04:02 PM

sounds like hes a degenerate. He doesn't care about anything other than getting bets in. It's nice that your nice to him and hell take it because he gets to gamble with it. He wont give back because why should he? He needs to gamble with it not give it to others. He has a different mindset from you and I'd stop giving him money and helpinf him.

Red_Sux · 03-25-08, 04:04 PM

Originally posted by FreeFall

sounds like hes a degenerate. He doesn't care about anything other than getting bets in. It's nice that your nice to him and hell take it because he gets to gamble with it. He wont give back because why should he? He needs to gamble with it not give it to others. He has a different mindset from you and I'd stop giving him money and helpinf him.

exactly my point.

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 04:05 PM

Originally posted by Red_Sux

dengenerate gambler never change. if they have 10k, they would still drive their shitty car, eat cheap food, and lose everything on gambling. it is a sickness...he might be a decent guy if he get some help.

he is a decent guy....I know he had a good heart at one time

but I just cant get around the fact that everyone else got a tip except for me and my family

so im with 'louisville kid' on this one

**** em...he's done

I think I just needed one person to say "**** em" along with me

Ive been getting the "he is sick" response from everyone the last few days

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 04:07 PM

Originally posted by FreeFall

sounds like hes a degenerate. He doesn't care about anything other than getting bets in. It's nice that your nice to him and hell take it because he gets to gamble with it. He wont give back because why should he? He needs to gamble with it not give it to others. He has a different mindset from youand I'd stop giving him money and helpinf him.

so would you surround yourself with people like this??

Red_Sux · 03-25-08, 04:08 PM

Originally posted by daddyjj420

he is a decent guy....I know he had a good heart at one time

but I just cant get around the fact that everyone else got a tip except for me and my family

so im with 'louisville kid' on this one

**** em...he's done

I think I just needed one person to say "**** em" along with me

Ive been getting the "he is sick" response from everyone the last few days

ok, **** him. you should find better friends. bad role model for your kids.

Cloak & Dagger · 03-25-08, 04:10 PM

Originally posted by Red_Sux

ok, **** him. you should find better friends. bad role model for your kids.

lol....ya....it will take me a while to completely shut him down

but once that happens...its going to take ALOT to smooth things out again...if ever

thx for your input people

GL today with whatever you do

DukeJohn · 03-25-08, 04:30 PM

Originally posted by daddyjj420

lmfao...thats how I feel kid

Im like "**** em and the boat he came in on"

If this is what make you feel good then this is your answer. Your story was long and many good points were raised, but I am sure it was only a small part of what has happened. The reason I say this, is something very similar just happened with me two weeks ago.

I have a cousin and we have been very close, like brothers, for over 30 years. To make this short, his basic win scenario in life is for me to be wealthy enough to send him money to live on. He has been saying this for years and it never really bothered me. Currently, he lives in a house provided by his mother and has no income whatsoever. About a month ago I asked him what his goals were. He said to marry his current girlfriend and then become a "house bitch." I looked around the house, it was quite dirty and messy. He said, "I ain't married yet." I laughed with him. It was no big deal. I was used to his attitude. However, I didn't really like that he stayed home all day without even trying to earn an income. Over the last year, I have given him many opportunities to earn money from home. He loves playing online games, so no problem. I showed him how in the past I easily cleared a $1000 cash a month playing online games. Thought for sure he would go for that, but he never even tried. In the past, I owned a bar and hired him on. He complained non-stop about this and that and said the $20 an hour he was making as a barback was just not enough, unbelievable I remember thinking. My management team wanted him gone, so eventually I allowed them to cut his hours and he quit. That was only one place I hired him on. I tried making him a manager of another retail store in the past, nothing seemed to work for him. Again, I let it all go. That was just who he was and I accepted it. He was family and that was that.

Now, how this pertains to your issue. The other day I was over at "his" house and he asked, "Hey, when are you going to be rich enough to send me $2000 a month."
I thought for a moment and said, "I'm not sure, but I might be able to get a job that would pay you $30,000 with full medical benefits and you would only have to work around 3 hours a day."
His first reply was, "That would have to be the starting pay, right."
"Yes, you would make more as the years past."
"What about time off?"
"Well, you would get the entire month of September off, plus two weeks in April and a week in February, plus you would have many weekends off." I smiled, thinking this was good.
He shook his head. "No, I want to know about vacation time and don't tell me I could take a vacation in September because that sux!"
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I tried to explain about it was only 3 hours a day and if you were sick, you could get it down to 30 minutes, but you had to get the job done. I said practically everyday would be a vacation.

Anyway, that conversation went on for while and we argued back and forth. Somehow it got to other people doing the job and he was saying no one would be able to that. I explained I could do it easily. He said I was a machine and not human. So, in the middle of this he said how I always piss people off and no one would work for me. I know this is not true, since so many employees in the past have told me how much they loved working their job. How I made their life so much easier and I was the greatest boss they ever had. I had a real easy policy. I didn't care if you were going to be late, just had to let us know 10 minutes before you shift. I didn't care it you weren't coming in that day as long as you gave a 3 hours notice. I had over 70 young women working for me, so it was easy to find a replacement. Anyway, back to the discussion of him explaining how I pissed people off he said that while he was at the bar there were two gangs that he had to talk to so they wouldn't put a "hit" out on me. Now, for some reason, something snapped in my mind. After all these years, I was disgusted with him. I stared at him for moment and this feeling just washed over me. I said, "You know what, forget it. I leaving." I got up and walked out.

I am done with him. It may seem trivial, but I just can't list everything that has happened to us. I finally have just had enough and I am done with him. I will not offer myself to help him again. Now, would I help him if he asked, probably, but not with money, but only with solutions. It will be for him to decide whether he wants to work toward that solution or not. Oh and I will not ever hire him again.

So, like you, I say:

Im like "**** em and the boat he came in on"

Red_Sux · 03-25-08, 04:37 PM

Originally posted by DukeJohn

I had over 70 young women working for me, so it was easy to find a replacement.

are you a pimp?

DukeJohn · 03-25-08, 04:39 PM

Originally posted by Red_Sux

are you a pimp?

LOL... no, they were only hot young cocktail waitresses and bartenders.

flyingillini · 03-25-08, 05:22 PM

Originally posted by Red_Sux

10k is nothing. someone can blow that on a prop bet

Agreed. It is all relative. To some people 10k is a lot of money. I blow 10k a few times a year in vegas when I go just for the weekend. i would cut the guy regardless of the dollar amount.

thegreatdiatchi · 03-25-08, 05:22 PM

Regardless of how close I am a friend with the person I won't help financially if they go in a hole because he/she can't control the habit. I did a friend a favor once and made it clear that it if happens again I'm not bailing him/her out. I will point people in the right direction for help but that's where I draw the line.

Red_Sux · 03-25-08, 05:49 PM

Originally posted by DukeJohn

LOL... no, they were only hot young cocktail waitresses and bartenders.

you should let me know which bars are yours and i can pay some patronage with my buddies.

DukeJohn · 03-25-08, 06:04 PM

Originally posted by Red_Sux

you should let me know which bars are yours and i can pay some patronage with my buddies.

This was in the past. Just over three years ago my wife was rushed to the emergency room having seizures. Turned out to be brain cancer, Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. After a couple of brain surgeries, chemo, radiation, and years of recovering, she is almost back to 100%. Needless to say, I stopped everything I was doing and spent all of my days and nights taking care of her. Now that it has mostly pasted, I have started over from scratch and have a small online company that enables me to be with her 24/7. She just recently decided she wanted to have a Bachelors degree and in-rolled back into college. It was hard her first semester. Her brain just didn't seem to be the same. However, now she appears to be getting the hang of it and doing well.