To help take the sting away from last nights bad beat on the colts, here are some really good gambling jokes I found. Enjoy!
Trip To Vegas
Three guys take their wives on a surprise vacation to Las Vegas for a week. The time flies by, they all have a great time and pretty soon they're back at work, discussing how it was.
The first guy says "I'm not doing that again! Since we've been back, my wife throws her arms in the air and shouts "7 come 11" every night. I've hardly had a good night's sleep!
The second guy nods his head "Yeah, same here. She played blackjack in Vegas all the time. Now she slaps the bed all night and screams "hit me light or hit me hard", I can't doze off.
The third guy says "You two are lucky you're not me. My wife played slots the whole time we were there. I get to sleep, but I wake up every morning with a sore dick and an a$$ full of quarters."
Leprechaun
A guy was deep into his poker, playing 10-20 Holdem and stuck at about $300. Suddenly, beside the table next to him appears a little green leprechaun.
"Drop your cards, quit poker forever this minute and I'll give you a pot of gold worth a million dollars." said the little green fellow. "Yeah, yeah" replies the player, "Just let me get even first."
Bum
Man: "Will you use it for buying booze"
Bum: "No, sir"
Man: "Will you gambling it away, then"?
Bum: "Absolutely NOT!"
Man (bemused): "Why dont you come home with me. I want my wife to see what happens to a man who doesnt drink or gamble."
Deep Voice
A man is walking along a deserted beach when suddenly he hears a deep voice from Above. "DIG !" it says. He looks around, but there's nobody there. I must be imagining this, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: "I SAID, DIG !"
So he starts digging with his bare hands, pushing away the sand. A short way down he uncovers a small chest with a rusty lock. "OPEN IT" commands the deep voice.
OK, the man thinks, Ill open the thing. He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally opened, he sees a gleaming pile of gold coins.
"TAKE THEM TO THE CASINO" the deep voice says.
Well, says the man to himself, the casino is just ten minutes walk away, why not?
He changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief. Now he hears the deep voice saying: "27, PUT IT ALL ON 27".
He takes his heavy pile of tokens and drops it at the 27. The table groans under the weight. You can hear a pin drop as the croupier throws the ball. The ball stays at the 26.
The deep voice says: "SHIT !"
What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a sportsbook?
A: In a sportsbook, you really mean it!
Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas?
A: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers!
Bwahahaha
Trip To Vegas
Three guys take their wives on a surprise vacation to Las Vegas for a week. The time flies by, they all have a great time and pretty soon they're back at work, discussing how it was.
The first guy says "I'm not doing that again! Since we've been back, my wife throws her arms in the air and shouts "7 come 11" every night. I've hardly had a good night's sleep!
The second guy nods his head "Yeah, same here. She played blackjack in Vegas all the time. Now she slaps the bed all night and screams "hit me light or hit me hard", I can't doze off.
The third guy says "You two are lucky you're not me. My wife played slots the whole time we were there. I get to sleep, but I wake up every morning with a sore dick and an a$$ full of quarters."
Leprechaun
A guy was deep into his poker, playing 10-20 Holdem and stuck at about $300. Suddenly, beside the table next to him appears a little green leprechaun.
"Drop your cards, quit poker forever this minute and I'll give you a pot of gold worth a million dollars." said the little green fellow. "Yeah, yeah" replies the player, "Just let me get even first."
Bum
Man: "Will you use it for buying booze"
Bum: "No, sir"
Man: "Will you gambling it away, then"?
Bum: "Absolutely NOT!"
Man (bemused): "Why dont you come home with me. I want my wife to see what happens to a man who doesnt drink or gamble."
Deep Voice
A man is walking along a deserted beach when suddenly he hears a deep voice from Above. "DIG !" it says. He looks around, but there's nobody there. I must be imagining this, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: "I SAID, DIG !"
So he starts digging with his bare hands, pushing away the sand. A short way down he uncovers a small chest with a rusty lock. "OPEN IT" commands the deep voice.
OK, the man thinks, Ill open the thing. He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally opened, he sees a gleaming pile of gold coins.
"TAKE THEM TO THE CASINO" the deep voice says.
Well, says the man to himself, the casino is just ten minutes walk away, why not?
He changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief. Now he hears the deep voice saying: "27, PUT IT ALL ON 27".
He takes his heavy pile of tokens and drops it at the 27. The table groans under the weight. You can hear a pin drop as the croupier throws the ball. The ball stays at the 26.
The deep voice says: "SHIT !"
What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a sportsbook?
A: In a sportsbook, you really mean it!
Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas?
A: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers!
Bwahahaha
we are big jokers
at bum and deep voice