The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.
The InternationalCouncil of Manlaws, Ltd.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Jessica Alba starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail
a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his
sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry
her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's
fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the
temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present
for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's
birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must
celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit
stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting
event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but
you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you
have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the
covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's
officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only
when you're sunning on
a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless
model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are
you allowed to kick or punch another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.. Issue
closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you
didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports"
must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of
the game and the ability to drink as much as the other
sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed
woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last
slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd
better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in
discussing a friend of yours, except if she's
withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While
lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on
equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line,
etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod
is all the conversation you need. Ask Larry Craig.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go
on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a
stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly
"just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex,
the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no
reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is
acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink,
lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you
want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me,
you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of
story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or
men's gymnastics. Ever.
29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them? In an
effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is
listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home
late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,
"are you still cleaning or are you flying
somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out
with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your
collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls
to say, "You're next!"
I hope this clears up any confusion,
The International
Council of Manlaws, Ltd.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Jessica Alba starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail
a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his
sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry
her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's
fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the
temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present
for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's
birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must
celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit
stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting
event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but
you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you
have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the
covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's
officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only
when you're sunning on
a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless
model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are
you allowed to kick or punch another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.. Issue
closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you
didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports"
must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of
the game and the ability to drink as much as the other
sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed
woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last
slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd
better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in
discussing a friend of yours, except if she's
withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While
lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on
equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line,
etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod
is all the conversation you need. Ask Larry Craig.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go
on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a
stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly
"just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex,
the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no
reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is
acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink,
lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you
want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me,
you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of
story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or
men's gymnastics. Ever.
29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them? In an
effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is
listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home
late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,
"are you still cleaning or are you flying
somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out
with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your
collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls
to say, "You're next!"
I hope this clears up any confusion,
The International
Council of Manlaws, Ltd.
