10 Ways the Jets Can Beat the Colts in the AFC Championship
January 21, 2010 – Dr. Crackback
They don’t need Brett Favre or Broadway Joe, or even Kyle Clifton. And they definitely don’t need The Sanchize to play a perfect game. What they need is a little luck, or a team to rest their starters, or any of the following scenarios to play out. Brace yourselves NYC, but your Jets might just be Super Bowl bound if…
1. They clone Darrelle Revis, then double cover Wayne and Clark each with Revis and Revis, and Revis and Revis.
2. A massive blizzard hits the Midwest and turns the game into a battle of the trenches, and Indianapolis decides against putting a dome on Lucas Oil two years ago.
3. Revis sails in Natives from his island and has them take out Manning with blow darts.
4. Commissioner Goodell takes the concussion issue to another level and cancels the rest of the season until a safer helmet is designed. The NFL turns to Madden ‘10 simulations to finish the year. Peyton suffers a knee injury in the 2nd quarter in the AFC Championship and they fall 17-10. Some guy gets real mad and tries to reset the game real quick because he says meant to turn down the injuries, but he’s shot down immediately, then mauled and eaten by Bart Scott.
5. Peyton retires and joins Dooley’s staff in Knoxville as their new quarterback’s coach.
6. The NFL allows the Jets to add any Giants player to their roster for having to share facilities all year. Or would that even help? ..And Peyton separates his shoulder. There, that would.
7. Rex Ryan reveals that he is actually Rudy Ruettiger and wills his team to another victory with determination, heart, funny behind the scenes stories about Vince Vaughn, and a whole lot of tears. Like gallons of them. And Manning goes down with a concussion.
8. Braylon loses an arm in a rematch brawl with Lebron’s 130 pound “kid” friend at the 40/40 club in NYC, thus making every pass thrown his way in Sunday’s game a difficult one… Meaning he’ll catch all of them. 14 one handed catches and 4 TD for Braylon. Jets Win.
9. TMZ reports that Manning ran his Escalade into a mailbox at 2 AM Sunday morning and that his wife is launching footballs through the back window trying to rescue him. A fuzzy voicemail sounding like Peyton’s voice asking Justin Timberlake to change his number is released all over the internet. Rumors linking him to Nick Lachey, Nick Carter, and even the talented Aaron Carter begin to surface. Peyton takes an indefinite leave from the game.
10. Peyton is contractually obligated to star in a commercial that happens to shoot the same time the game kicks off. It’s a great opportunity for him though, and this time Sony has him playing bumper pool on stage with J.C. Chasez. It’s so funny.
January 21, 2010 – Dr. Crackback
They don’t need Brett Favre or Broadway Joe, or even Kyle Clifton. And they definitely don’t need The Sanchize to play a perfect game. What they need is a little luck, or a team to rest their starters, or any of the following scenarios to play out. Brace yourselves NYC, but your Jets might just be Super Bowl bound if…
1. They clone Darrelle Revis, then double cover Wayne and Clark each with Revis and Revis, and Revis and Revis.
2. A massive blizzard hits the Midwest and turns the game into a battle of the trenches, and Indianapolis decides against putting a dome on Lucas Oil two years ago.
3. Revis sails in Natives from his island and has them take out Manning with blow darts.
4. Commissioner Goodell takes the concussion issue to another level and cancels the rest of the season until a safer helmet is designed. The NFL turns to Madden ‘10 simulations to finish the year. Peyton suffers a knee injury in the 2nd quarter in the AFC Championship and they fall 17-10. Some guy gets real mad and tries to reset the game real quick because he says meant to turn down the injuries, but he’s shot down immediately, then mauled and eaten by Bart Scott.
5. Peyton retires and joins Dooley’s staff in Knoxville as their new quarterback’s coach.
6. The NFL allows the Jets to add any Giants player to their roster for having to share facilities all year. Or would that even help? ..And Peyton separates his shoulder. There, that would.
7. Rex Ryan reveals that he is actually Rudy Ruettiger and wills his team to another victory with determination, heart, funny behind the scenes stories about Vince Vaughn, and a whole lot of tears. Like gallons of them. And Manning goes down with a concussion.
8. Braylon loses an arm in a rematch brawl with Lebron’s 130 pound “kid” friend at the 40/40 club in NYC, thus making every pass thrown his way in Sunday’s game a difficult one… Meaning he’ll catch all of them. 14 one handed catches and 4 TD for Braylon. Jets Win.
9. TMZ reports that Manning ran his Escalade into a mailbox at 2 AM Sunday morning and that his wife is launching footballs through the back window trying to rescue him. A fuzzy voicemail sounding like Peyton’s voice asking Justin Timberlake to change his number is released all over the internet. Rumors linking him to Nick Lachey, Nick Carter, and even the talented Aaron Carter begin to surface. Peyton takes an indefinite leave from the game.
10. Peyton is contractually obligated to star in a commercial that happens to shoot the same time the game kicks off. It’s a great opportunity for him though, and this time Sony has him playing bumper pool on stage with J.C. Chasez. It’s so funny.
