Blockbuster Franchises
Jets' coach Paul Blart goes over film with an assistant to prepare for the Chargers game.
The remaining NFL playoff games will be examined from all sorts of angles, but here's one you'll find only on the Gate: If each of the remaining teams is one of this year's acclaimed movies, which films are they and why? Here they are, broken down by conference (with our own seeding added, in parens, just like this aside!).
AFC
The Jets are: Paul Blart: Mall Cop, but only because we just found out that Rex Ryan isn't Kevin James. (8)
The Ravens are: The Proposal (ha, gotcha, not the other Sandra Bullock vehicle The Blind Side, even though the dude from the movie plays for the Ravens). Sandra Bullock is aging, but still sexy, still powerful--Ray Lewis is a linebacking cougar and he needs young Joe Flacco to get him a **** to the Super Bowl. (7)
The Colts are: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, because Peyton Manning is the chosen one, and a wizard. They're also Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel because they are phenomenally successful and more than a little annoying. (3)
The San Diego Chargers are: 2012. If your team's between them and the Super Bowl, the end of the world is coming. (2)
NFC
The Cardinals are: Up in the Air. Kurt Warner is "A man looking for a concussion connection." (6)
The Saints are: The Hangover, because it started out fun, but now they've got a lotta shit to figure out. (5)
The Cowboys are: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Going into December we'd given up on them, but now Miami is the Allspark, and Shia LeRomo's on a mission. Also, Cowboys Stadium actually does transform into a giant robot. That's what you get for $1.2 billion. (4)
The Vikings are: Avatar. Brett Favre was reincarnated to betray Green Bay and lead the purple people to salvation. (1)
-- Zevon Odelberg, dailytailgate.com
Jets' coach Paul Blart goes over film with an assistant to prepare for the Chargers game.
The remaining NFL playoff games will be examined from all sorts of angles, but here's one you'll find only on the Gate: If each of the remaining teams is one of this year's acclaimed movies, which films are they and why? Here they are, broken down by conference (with our own seeding added, in parens, just like this aside!).
AFC
The Jets are: Paul Blart: Mall Cop, but only because we just found out that Rex Ryan isn't Kevin James. (8)
The Ravens are: The Proposal (ha, gotcha, not the other Sandra Bullock vehicle The Blind Side, even though the dude from the movie plays for the Ravens). Sandra Bullock is aging, but still sexy, still powerful--Ray Lewis is a linebacking cougar and he needs young Joe Flacco to get him a **** to the Super Bowl. (7)
The Colts are: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, because Peyton Manning is the chosen one, and a wizard. They're also Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel because they are phenomenally successful and more than a little annoying. (3)
The San Diego Chargers are: 2012. If your team's between them and the Super Bowl, the end of the world is coming. (2)
NFC
The Cardinals are: Up in the Air. Kurt Warner is "A man looking for a concussion connection." (6)
The Saints are: The Hangover, because it started out fun, but now they've got a lotta shit to figure out. (5)
The Cowboys are: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Going into December we'd given up on them, but now Miami is the Allspark, and Shia LeRomo's on a mission. Also, Cowboys Stadium actually does transform into a giant robot. That's what you get for $1.2 billion. (4)
The Vikings are: Avatar. Brett Favre was reincarnated to betray Green Bay and lead the purple people to salvation. (1)
-- Zevon Odelberg, dailytailgate.com
Get your popcorn ready