Dr. Buzzy's 17 day wealth and health building program (for Mumbles)
On average, Americans waste $1472 a year on toilet paper. That money could instead be used to take shots at big dogs in March Madness. There is no need for toilet paper post dump. Ever notice how sometimes you pinch one off, wipe and the paper is clean? Wouldn't it be great if that scenario were the norm and not the once in a blue moon exception? "But, Dr. Buzzy, how can I consistently take a crap whilst preserving a clean azz and fresh undies?" you ask.
You must awaken your nerve endings and muscles in and around your anus. Do not rush the process. The idea is to slowly increase dilatation.
Days 1-4 -- Insert a thermomator into the anal cavity. Practice squeezing it with your anus. Squeeze hard for a slow 10 count at least 20 times each day. Remove at night before sleeping and re-insert before breakfast. Obviously you will remove it each time your man cornholes you or each time you need to expel solid waste.
Days 5-6 -- Same as above but up the instrument's girth to something along the lines of a toothbrush (not the bristled end). Caution!
If you use a toothbrush, ensure that it is an old one and kept separate and removed from your normal toothbrush -- the one you utilize in cavity prevention. A friend of mine over at majorwager mixed up the two once back in 2003 and, to say the least, he was quite upset. A long awaited first date went south in a hurry when he kissed her goodnight. But I digress...
Days 7-10 -- Wide end of magic marker.
Day 11 -- Carrot. Discard after use. Do not eat (jello!).
Days 12-15 -- English cucumber. Discard after use. Do not eat (deuce!).
Days 16-17 -- 1.5 inch pvc pipe.
If you faithfully adhere to the program, you will have complete control over your anus by the morning of day 18 and be able to drop your loads into the toilet, as oppossed to sliding them out.
Enjoy your new found wealth and enhanced hygiene. Now there is no need to soap up afterwards, since there is nothing to wipe. Imagine the savings on soap!
You must awaken your nerve endings and muscles in and around your anus. Do not rush the process. The idea is to slowly increase dilatation.
Days 1-4 -- Insert a thermomator into the anal cavity. Practice squeezing it with your anus. Squeeze hard for a slow 10 count at least 20 times each day. Remove at night before sleeping and re-insert before breakfast. Obviously you will remove it each time your man cornholes you or each time you need to expel solid waste.
Days 5-6 -- Same as above but up the instrument's girth to something along the lines of a toothbrush (not the bristled end). Caution!
If you use a toothbrush, ensure that it is an old one and kept separate and removed from your normal toothbrush -- the one you utilize in cavity prevention. A friend of mine over at majorwager mixed up the two once back in 2003 and, to say the least, he was quite upset. A long awaited first date went south in a hurry when he kissed her goodnight. But I digress...Days 7-10 -- Wide end of magic marker.
Day 11 -- Carrot. Discard after use. Do not eat (jello!).
Days 12-15 -- English cucumber. Discard after use. Do not eat (deuce!).
Days 16-17 -- 1.5 inch pvc pipe.
If you faithfully adhere to the program, you will have complete control over your anus by the morning of day 18 and be able to drop your loads into the toilet, as oppossed to sliding them out.
Enjoy your new found wealth and enhanced hygiene. Now there is no need to soap up afterwards, since there is nothing to wipe. Imagine the savings on soap!
What if you have mud butt Buzzy?
