Grieving/mourning - time doesn't heal

[ztballer]

Three years ago today, I lost somebody I loved to cancer.

People say time heals all wounds but it still hurts as much as it did that day 3 years ago.

Is this normal? I feel like I am still in the mourning process.

[Brock Landers]

people grieve in different ways, thats for sure. No "normal" process for anyone. You do what you have to today, and day by day.

[ztballer]

Thanks man, appreciate it

Felt like I should've 'moved on' by now.

[odusmykal]

zt, i lost my fiancee 4 years ago last month.. I still think about her everyday.. The winter is real hard on me.. Losing her in Dec., then Christmas without her, then her birthday was at the first of the year.. It gets tough.. I've tried to move on, but its not that easy.. I now have a girlfriend, and she is great, but i still think about what i lost and how my life would be now if i hadn't lost her.. zt, i think the way we feel is normal.. Because we loved so much.. Love that strong doesn't go awy in a few short years.. I don't think it ever goes away.. We just got to keep living zt, but with the great memories of the time we spent with the one we loved..

[ztballer]

Sorry to hear about your loss.

I can't even imagine how that wouldve been like. Your fiancé would be happy that you have found somebody to be happy with.

I hear you man. It's real hard for me just coming to terms with the fact that they're not here anymore. Exactly 1 week into the new year. Never got a chance to say good bye. Still remember that day as clear as anything. Still hurts the same . I get told by friends that if I need to talk, they are there for me but I don't think they understand. It's difficult to relate to someone if they have never felt the pain of losing someone they love.

One day at a time..

[tullamore]

I am not sure one will ever fully move on. You just have to find something to do each day that gives some type of joy and purpose. The hard part is finding out what that is. I wish you will.

[poker_dummy101]

emotions don't exist unless you want them to

[topgame85]

This is why you must live everyday the best you can with those you care about never know if you or they could be gone tomorrow, sorry for your loss and be strong.... grief is unavoidable however is a selfish emotion, we don't grieve for what the departed are missing because we know they are at peace but rather for the time we don't have with them. The world is a tough place and when I am gone I hope the grief spent on me is very little because although I may miss those I leave i sure won't miss the place I am leaving in comparison to where I am headed.

[ztballer]

I know I'm being selfish by being, in a sense, angry, that they left me.

I'm angry that the doctors didn't try to save them. It's not like the Hollywood films where the doctors come running in to try and save the patient. We were told that morning that she was in a bad condition. We watched her pass away.... they moved us all in a room because the other patients were getting scared.

I'm angry because I couldn't do anything to save her.

Thanks for the input guys. Definitely made me feel better about it.

[Willie Bee]

Three years ago today, I lost somebody I loved to cancer.

People say time heals all wounds but it still hurts as much as it did that day 3 years ago.

Is this normal? I feel like I am still in the mourning process.

I lost my best friend 13 years, eight months and 18 days ago. Almost exactly one year later, I lost another very good friend. On Boxing Day 1989, I lost one grandfather and on Oct 18, 1997, I lost my other grandfather.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of all four of those men, saddened by their passing and still glad that I got to know them. Not sure what 'normal' really means, but it all seems normal to me.

[tullamore]

I guess another way to look at it is, you had person in your life and had a connection that made the loss hard to deal. Many people never have those connections with a friend, family member, fiance.

[Deuce]

We all have to deal with the loss of someone. Some people have a tougher time than others. Just be thankful you had the times you did with them and established such great memories that no one can ever take away from you. Those memories will last a lifetime.

[Regul8er]

I don't think we ever "lose" people that are special to us and loved. I suppose we "lose" them in the sense that we can no longer see them, but I feel they live in us forever. I've had a few people close to me pass away, but I can feel their presence everyday. What makes the grieving process easier is knowing that they are home in a much better place then the life we know on earth.

[odusmykal]

I get told by friends that if I need to talk, they are there for me but I don't think they understand. It's difficult to relate to someone if they have never felt the pain of losing someone they love.

One day at a time..

Believe me, i understand.. There are days when i don't want to hang out & be around anyone, yet being alone isn't what i want either.. Very hard to explain.. My friends, like your's i'm sure, want to try to help us, but just don't know how.. How could they, when i don't even know the solution.. We feel like there is no way they could understand..

And words like, "she's in a better place" or "everything happens for a reason" or "she would just want you to keep living your life", seem so empty when friends say them.. Almost routine.. zt, i only wish i knew a solution.. But maybe there isn't one.. Maybe our greed for ourselves for missing them is just human nature.. I think the way we feel is normal, a hard road to travel down, but normal..

[TheLock]

emotions don't exist unless you want them to

Are you serious dude?

[poker_dummy101]

Are you serious dude?

Lock, my level of thinking is a little higher (ok a lot) higher than yours, so I will not partake in this "discussion" with you. Why don't you go show your ignorance in the poker thread again, or maybe check out the thread in the PZ.

[MJFtheGenius]

Try remembering the good times and not the bad ones at the end...