Best.Divorce.Letter.Ever.
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Classic! Had to save on desktop to read but well worth itComment -
Yeah it came out a little small but it's definitely worth the read.Comment -
lmao throat yogurt ftw.Comment -
omg, well worth the trouble, hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!Comment -
lolComment -
can someone write a transcript. i can;t read itComment -
HilariousComment -
it was a good read, but was it worth the 6 minutes it took me?? no way.. but still good. i expected a better ending like.. oh and btw, go fukk yourself you whore.. but no, he was nice to her always.
the good thing about this is i've always thought my eyes were finished and will need glasses cause i have a hard time reading the shampoo bottle now.. so freakin hard.. but with this, i did it.. so i guess my eyes are still great. this was the test..
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Nicky...say hello to my little friendComment -
tenner,
i just noticed you have 1600 posts in 1 month?? unreal. that has to be a record. i had no idea you had that much..
you definitely have the highest avg per day posts of any SBR poster..
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^^^you can read that without squintingComment -
if only that was posted 8 min ago, i would have saved me 6 min of my life.. it's nice and big now and easy to read.. boy did i struggle for those 6 minutes..i have a headache from reading that and my eyes are burning now..
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Dear Connie,
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore.
The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again but that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first on to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride’s cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt.
This is what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie. I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close."
Two weeks ago I met this girl at Flamingoes and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19 with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and ass that just wouldn't quite. Every man's dream, right?
As I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my modestly attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.
Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her suttee shameless hunger; but something also, some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.
Do you remember Carol that singe mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later; but that's no the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can here us. And all of the sudden, she sports that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves and it's totally hot, but it makes e sad too because I can't help thinking "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years and we never used it as a sex toy."
Saturday your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vickie’s just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she’s been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together. Connie, she really is.
So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bath and taking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole oral thing, and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring all I can do is think of you? It's true Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please please please, let me know.
Otherwise, can you let me know where the ****ing remote is?
Love DanComment -
That was nice.
Btw, hey Pecos, did you hit the gym yet? You liftin'?Comment -
7/10Comment -
I wonder if they got back together?
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I don't know why not, Happy. The guy put a lot of time and effort into that letter.Comment -
oh my.Comment -
Classic!Comment -
Connie and I will not be getting back together. I'm in my Azians phase right now.
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Obviously fake.Comment -
Originally posted by daggerkobe
You got me!!!!!Comment -
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Good Stuff!!!Comment -
And Nicky finally admits the fact that he's differently abled and partially illiterate... that's a forum win.Originally posted by Nicky Santoroit was a good read, but was it worth the 6 minutes it took me?? no way.. but still good. i expected a better ending like.. oh and btw, go fukk yourself you whore.. but no, he was nice to her always.
the good thing about this is i've always thought my eyes were finished and will need glasses cause i have a hard time reading the shampoo bottle now.. so freakin hard.. but with this, i did it.. so i guess my eyes are still great. this was the test..
Great letter.Comment
