Ladies and gents since many of us, including myself, will be scattering in the coming week to visit family and friends, I wanted to send season's greetings to everyone now. Here's to very safe and happy holidays ahead for all of us, and a most prosperous New Year.
Always remember Uncle Willie's Eight Rules of Life.
8) As Dean Wormer so profoundly noted in Animal House, "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life." So stay in school and never let a day go by without learning something, and at least that way you can avoid the stupid part of the mix.
7) Everyone in this business is hustling something. Everyone.
6) (a) Never be in a hurry to get to another red light. (b) Drive five miles under the speed limit, arrive later and the average commuter will end up listening to 2.7 more songs on the radio each day. (c) Never speed through back roads in Texas when the deer are in rut. (d) You spent how much on that car and it still doesn't have turn indicators? (e) Never assume anyone with their turn signals on really means it (f) Hang up and drive. (g) No really, turn the phone off and pay attention to the road. (h) I'm serious now, bitch! Get off the phone! (i) Maybe if I did a simple pit maneuver up here by this steep drop-off, I can put the mother-fcuking whore in the canyon. (j) Thank God Almighty the slut finally got off the phone! (k) Wait, what's she doing now? (l) Are you fcukin' kidding me? She's putting on lipstick?! (m) Oh wait, she's turning, good. (n) Now look at this son of a bitch! (o) "Yeah buddy, that's what you get for buying a fcukin' piece of shit Audi! Rot on the side of the highway for all I care, pal. (p) Oooh, what have we here? My, my, that's a five, maybe six on the Grand Canyon scale when it comes to cleavage [HONK!] (q) Sorry pal, not my fault, was just staring at the knockers on that broad in the jeep, my bad. (r) [PHONE RINGS] "Hello?" (s) "Hey! You on the way home yet?" (t) Oh yes, dear, almost there." (u) "Aw, another long, tough day at the office big guy?" (v) "Yeah, another bad day [HIC!]. But I don't want to burden you with my work." (w) "Oh sugarbutt, I don't mind." (x) "I'll be home in five snookums." (y) "I'll have a martini waiting for you love." (z) Anyway, that's my one rule about driving.
5) If you're only going to read one book in life, please make it the dictionary.
4) The two most vicious creatures on this planet are the Javelina and the Little League mother. Avoid upsetting both, never venture far into their territories and observe only from a great distance.
3) Lovers are a dime a dozen, but a true soul mate is worth at least $24.98, batteries and tax not included.
2) While it's true that God really does answer all prayers, His answer is very often, "No!"
1) Last but not least, remember the words of the late, great Red Smith: "Never confuse character with geography."
Vaya con dios, muchachos
Always remember Uncle Willie's Eight Rules of Life.
8) As Dean Wormer so profoundly noted in Animal House, "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life." So stay in school and never let a day go by without learning something, and at least that way you can avoid the stupid part of the mix.
7) Everyone in this business is hustling something. Everyone.
6) (a) Never be in a hurry to get to another red light. (b) Drive five miles under the speed limit, arrive later and the average commuter will end up listening to 2.7 more songs on the radio each day. (c) Never speed through back roads in Texas when the deer are in rut. (d) You spent how much on that car and it still doesn't have turn indicators? (e) Never assume anyone with their turn signals on really means it (f) Hang up and drive. (g) No really, turn the phone off and pay attention to the road. (h) I'm serious now, bitch! Get off the phone! (i) Maybe if I did a simple pit maneuver up here by this steep drop-off, I can put the mother-fcuking whore in the canyon. (j) Thank God Almighty the slut finally got off the phone! (k) Wait, what's she doing now? (l) Are you fcukin' kidding me? She's putting on lipstick?! (m) Oh wait, she's turning, good. (n) Now look at this son of a bitch! (o) "Yeah buddy, that's what you get for buying a fcukin' piece of shit Audi! Rot on the side of the highway for all I care, pal. (p) Oooh, what have we here? My, my, that's a five, maybe six on the Grand Canyon scale when it comes to cleavage [HONK!] (q) Sorry pal, not my fault, was just staring at the knockers on that broad in the jeep, my bad. (r) [PHONE RINGS] "Hello?" (s) "Hey! You on the way home yet?" (t) Oh yes, dear, almost there." (u) "Aw, another long, tough day at the office big guy?" (v) "Yeah, another bad day [HIC!]. But I don't want to burden you with my work." (w) "Oh sugarbutt, I don't mind." (x) "I'll be home in five snookums." (y) "I'll have a martini waiting for you love." (z) Anyway, that's my one rule about driving.
5) If you're only going to read one book in life, please make it the dictionary.
4) The two most vicious creatures on this planet are the Javelina and the Little League mother. Avoid upsetting both, never venture far into their territories and observe only from a great distance.
3) Lovers are a dime a dozen, but a true soul mate is worth at least $24.98, batteries and tax not included.
2) While it's true that God really does answer all prayers, His answer is very often, "No!"
1) Last but not least, remember the words of the late, great Red Smith: "Never confuse character with geography."
Vaya con dios, muchachos
