Have you ever heard a woman take a piss? I have and it's really fukking weird, they piss like horses. I never knew of this phenomenon until a couple of years back. It all happened on a vacation that the wife and I took to Tasmania. We were in a little sea side town of Swansea, doing the half an hour walk around, to see the town twice to three times, when we walked along the beach front and passed the public toilets.
The wife said that she had to go, which surprised me. Girls are usually mortally petrified of using a public toilet ( and with good reason, women are disgraceful in the way they treat public toilets, well any toilets that aren't their own ). See, women have this belief that they do all the house work, they are always cleaning, I'm sure my wife will say this at times, even though we have a cleaner but anyways, it's a firmly established belief, albeit a generation or two too late. So when they know someone else is cleaning up after them, well the tampons can go on the ground, they'll shit on the floor, it's a wonder we even bother to try to get into their pants, I swear, fukking dirty bitches.
Anyways, the wife goes to the toilet at the same time I do and obviously, I'm finished and waiting because she has to step over tampons and shit ( dirty fukking bitches), when another woman goes in to the toilet. At the same time I see my wife coming out of tampon, shit county, I hear this most amazing sound. "Christ" I thought "someone is shooting a fire extinguisher straight into the toilet"
It was so loud, I didn't make matters good by saying to my wife "man that lady is pissing like a horse in there". Apparently, I said it really loud, as I do when I want everyone in the town to hear (why should I repeat funny lines twice? They lose their edge that way). Funnily enough, the pissing stopped for a few seconds, which was just as well, my ear drums were near bursting point.
As we walked from the toilets, my wife tried to explain to me the embarrassment I would have caused the lady (or mare as I was referring to her). The mare obviously thought we were far enough away to start her assault on the porcelain again, I swear the splash back must have soaked her ass. Anyways, on hearing the assault I said in my quietest voice "jesus Christ, she's pissing again" . Apparently my quietest voice is still way to loud.
Now, not that I'm claiming to be a world expert on the matter or anything but since that day, I have noticed that a lot of women piss like horses. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was meeting with a client in their office and one of the ladies present, excused herself. Well, let me just say that we had to all raise our voices, just to be heard over the waterfall crescendo emanating from the ladies shitter.
What is wrong with them? Do they think there is a prize for pissing the loudest? Seriously, if I was to achieve the same volume levels, I would have to stand on the seat and jump up and down while I was draining the lizard. Even then, I don't think I'd achieve the same acoustic levels that women do.
Fukking women, they're a weird lot.
The wife said that she had to go, which surprised me. Girls are usually mortally petrified of using a public toilet ( and with good reason, women are disgraceful in the way they treat public toilets, well any toilets that aren't their own ). See, women have this belief that they do all the house work, they are always cleaning, I'm sure my wife will say this at times, even though we have a cleaner but anyways, it's a firmly established belief, albeit a generation or two too late. So when they know someone else is cleaning up after them, well the tampons can go on the ground, they'll shit on the floor, it's a wonder we even bother to try to get into their pants, I swear, fukking dirty bitches.
Anyways, the wife goes to the toilet at the same time I do and obviously, I'm finished and waiting because she has to step over tampons and shit ( dirty fukking bitches), when another woman goes in to the toilet. At the same time I see my wife coming out of tampon, shit county, I hear this most amazing sound. "Christ" I thought "someone is shooting a fire extinguisher straight into the toilet"
It was so loud, I didn't make matters good by saying to my wife "man that lady is pissing like a horse in there". Apparently, I said it really loud, as I do when I want everyone in the town to hear (why should I repeat funny lines twice? They lose their edge that way). Funnily enough, the pissing stopped for a few seconds, which was just as well, my ear drums were near bursting point.
As we walked from the toilets, my wife tried to explain to me the embarrassment I would have caused the lady (or mare as I was referring to her). The mare obviously thought we were far enough away to start her assault on the porcelain again, I swear the splash back must have soaked her ass. Anyways, on hearing the assault I said in my quietest voice "jesus Christ, she's pissing again" . Apparently my quietest voice is still way to loud.
Now, not that I'm claiming to be a world expert on the matter or anything but since that day, I have noticed that a lot of women piss like horses. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was meeting with a client in their office and one of the ladies present, excused herself. Well, let me just say that we had to all raise our voices, just to be heard over the waterfall crescendo emanating from the ladies shitter.
What is wrong with them? Do they think there is a prize for pissing the loudest? Seriously, if I was to achieve the same volume levels, I would have to stand on the seat and jump up and down while I was draining the lizard. Even then, I don't think I'd achieve the same acoustic levels that women do.
Fukking women, they're a weird lot.
