Bread vs. Robyn vs. Filthy Penny - An NFL Experiment
With one full week of NFL under my belt, it’s time to conduct a little experiment for the remainder of the season. This won’t be for the squeamish, so faint of heart, exit now. I don’t mind being the butt of a joke from time to time, but never have I held such a large nail to my forehead until now. They don’t call me Stupid for nuthin!
I will be conducting a head-to-head-to-heads/tails experiment for the remainder of the NFL season between yours truly, Robyn and a filthy coin. Seriously, I’m going to use the filthiest penny I can find. The purpose of this venture is to crush what remaining self-esteem I have. There can be no other reason, really. If I win, I was supposed to. I have nothing to gain. So to thicken the plot, there will be a weekly and an end-of-year SBR point wager as well.
Robyn and I will be playing for 500 SBR points. Whichever of us has the best record at the end of the regular season will earn 500 points from the other. Should the coin beat us both out, we shall both pick an SBR member for the other to give their 500 points to. For Robyn I have chosen poster Patty Venditto. The kid could perish without free SBR pizzas. She chose Pavyracer for me. We will also hold the same wagers on a weekly basis, but for 50 SBR points. Each week we will pick a new poster for each to pay should Filthy Penny beat us both out. This week I have chosen SSLP for her, and her choice was Patty Venditto. It’s about to get Armageddon up in here.
I consider myself moderately educated when it comes to the NFL. I’ve been following it for 20 years, and I like to think that I know what’s going on. Robyn is a bit of a novice, but she is learning more every day. Filthy Penny doesn’t know a damn thing, and haven’t we all experienced a stage where you felt like the less you know, the better off you are in sports gambling? Without further ado, Week 2 picks.
I will be conducting a head-to-head-to-heads/tails experiment for the remainder of the NFL season between yours truly, Robyn and a filthy coin. Seriously, I’m going to use the filthiest penny I can find. The purpose of this venture is to crush what remaining self-esteem I have. There can be no other reason, really. If I win, I was supposed to. I have nothing to gain. So to thicken the plot, there will be a weekly and an end-of-year SBR point wager as well.
Robyn and I will be playing for 500 SBR points. Whichever of us has the best record at the end of the regular season will earn 500 points from the other. Should the coin beat us both out, we shall both pick an SBR member for the other to give their 500 points to. For Robyn I have chosen poster Patty Venditto. The kid could perish without free SBR pizzas. She chose Pavyracer for me. We will also hold the same wagers on a weekly basis, but for 50 SBR points. Each week we will pick a new poster for each to pay should Filthy Penny beat us both out. This week I have chosen SSLP for her, and her choice was Patty Venditto. It’s about to get Armageddon up in here.
I consider myself moderately educated when it comes to the NFL. I’ve been following it for 20 years, and I like to think that I know what’s going on. Robyn is a bit of a novice, but she is learning more every day. Filthy Penny doesn’t know a damn thing, and haven’t we all experienced a stage where you felt like the less you know, the better off you are in sports gambling? Without further ado, Week 2 picks.
The Players – Bread
Pittsburgh (-3) @ Chicago
Oakland @ Kansas City (-3)
Bread: KC – Even with questions on who will start at QB for KC, they’re at home against Oakland for God’s sake! They could throw some pads on Patrick Swayze and still win the game by 7. Let’s get real here.
Robyn: Oakland – I like the Raiders. It’s McFadden’s year.
Filthy Penny: Oakland
Houston @ Tennessee (-6.5)
Bread: Tennessee - It looks like it took all of one week for me to denounce my annual “Houston to win the AFC South” campaign. Hey fellas, you were destroyed by the Jets with a rookie quarterback at home. Do you really think that you can stay within a touchdown at Tennessee? I don’t.
Robyn: Tennessee
Filthy Penny: Tennessee
New England (-3.5) @ NY Jets
Bread: New England – Speaking of those wacky Jets, I get it. They looked great last week and the Patsies did not. No really, I get it. Anytime I can get New England favored by less than a TD vs. a sub .500 team, I’m all over it.
Robyn: NY Jets
Filthy Penny: New England
Cincinnati @ Green Bay (-9.5)
Bread: Green Bay – If Week 1 is any indication, the Under (42) should be a better guarantee than a George Zimmer suit. But that’s not important here. I just got done watching Cincy take the game of football to new lows, and snatch defeat from the jaws of OH MY GOD WE MIGHT WIN A GAME! Look for Aaron Rodgers coming out party as he throws for 300+ and the Pack roll by more than 2 TDs.
Robyn: Green Bay
Filthy Penny: Cincinnati
Bread: KC – Even with questions on who will start at QB for KC, they’re at home against Oakland for God’s sake! They could throw some pads on Patrick Swayze and still win the game by 7. Let’s get real here.
Robyn: Oakland – I like the Raiders. It’s McFadden’s year.
Filthy Penny: Oakland
Houston @ Tennessee (-6.5)
Bread: Tennessee - It looks like it took all of one week for me to denounce my annual “Houston to win the AFC South” campaign. Hey fellas, you were destroyed by the Jets with a rookie quarterback at home. Do you really think that you can stay within a touchdown at Tennessee? I don’t.
Robyn: Tennessee
Filthy Penny: Tennessee
New England (-3.5) @ NY Jets
Bread: New England – Speaking of those wacky Jets, I get it. They looked great last week and the Patsies did not. No really, I get it. Anytime I can get New England favored by less than a TD vs. a sub .500 team, I’m all over it.
Robyn: NY Jets
Filthy Penny: New England
Cincinnati @ Green Bay (-9.5)
Bread: Green Bay – If Week 1 is any indication, the Under (42) should be a better guarantee than a George Zimmer suit. But that’s not important here. I just got done watching Cincy take the game of football to new lows, and snatch defeat from the jaws of OH MY GOD WE MIGHT WIN A GAME! Look for Aaron Rodgers coming out party as he throws for 300+ and the Pack roll by more than 2 TDs.
Robyn: Green Bay
Filthy Penny: Cincinnati
George Zimmer
Minnesota (-10) @ Detroit
Bread: Detroit – When a team loses by 18, but it can still be said that they gave a valiant effort, you know they are beyond horrible. The Brett Favre tour stops off in Detroit on Sunday. I wonder if that moderately hot chick from ‘Animal Cops: Detroit’ will be there. With the abuse that the Lions are going to endure this season, she could be a very busy lady. Still, I think Detroit comes out pumped up for their home-opener and keep this game close.
Robyn: Minnesota – Let’s see if Old Balls can keep it up.
Filthy Penny: Minnesota
New Orleans @ Philadelphia (-1)
Bread: New Orleans – Drew Brees > Kevin Kolb. Hell, Drew Brees > Donovan McNabb too! The Saints continue their offensive onslaught on the NFL and earn a road victory.
Robyn: New Orleans – Let’s hope Brees repeats his performance against Detroit.
Filthy Penny: Philadelphia
Carolina @ Atlanta (-6.5)
Bread: Atlanta – 1. I stand by my assessment that this division belongs to Atlanta. Tony Gonzalez has already proven that he is going to be a force with a strong, young arm throwing him the ball for the first time in his career. 2. Carolina might not be as bad as last week’s 38-10 trouncing by Philadelphia portrayed, but they are still a TD worse than Atlanta.
Robyn: Atlanta – Joey Harrington likes dogs.
Filthy Penny: Carolina
St. Louis @ Washington (-10)
Bread: Washington – Should Washington be favored by double digits over anyone? No. Should St. Louis be disbanded, dismembered, and scattered to the four corners of the Earth? Yes. So quite the dilemma here. This is tough. Time to pick like a girl. A Redskin could definitely kill a Ram. Washington FTW!
Robyn: St. Louis
Filthy Penny: St. Louis
Arizona @ Jacksonville (-3.5)
Bread: Jacksonville – I said it in the preseason, and I’ll say it again – Arizona is shot. This could be one of the biggest falls from grace for a Super Bowl team ever. I think that Kurt Warner might get smacked around so much this season that he could actually meet that guy in the sky that he keeps talking about.
Robyn: Arizona – What’s up with the Old Balls quarterbacks?
Filthy Penny: Jacksonville
Bread: Detroit – When a team loses by 18, but it can still be said that they gave a valiant effort, you know they are beyond horrible. The Brett Favre tour stops off in Detroit on Sunday. I wonder if that moderately hot chick from ‘Animal Cops: Detroit’ will be there. With the abuse that the Lions are going to endure this season, she could be a very busy lady. Still, I think Detroit comes out pumped up for their home-opener and keep this game close.
Robyn: Minnesota – Let’s see if Old Balls can keep it up.
Filthy Penny: Minnesota
New Orleans @ Philadelphia (-1)
Bread: New Orleans – Drew Brees > Kevin Kolb. Hell, Drew Brees > Donovan McNabb too! The Saints continue their offensive onslaught on the NFL and earn a road victory.
Robyn: New Orleans – Let’s hope Brees repeats his performance against Detroit.
Filthy Penny: Philadelphia
Carolina @ Atlanta (-6.5)
Bread: Atlanta – 1. I stand by my assessment that this division belongs to Atlanta. Tony Gonzalez has already proven that he is going to be a force with a strong, young arm throwing him the ball for the first time in his career. 2. Carolina might not be as bad as last week’s 38-10 trouncing by Philadelphia portrayed, but they are still a TD worse than Atlanta.
Robyn: Atlanta – Joey Harrington likes dogs.
Filthy Penny: Carolina
St. Louis @ Washington (-10)
Bread: Washington – Should Washington be favored by double digits over anyone? No. Should St. Louis be disbanded, dismembered, and scattered to the four corners of the Earth? Yes. So quite the dilemma here. This is tough. Time to pick like a girl. A Redskin could definitely kill a Ram. Washington FTW!
Robyn: St. Louis
Filthy Penny: St. Louis
Arizona @ Jacksonville (-3.5)
Bread: Jacksonville – I said it in the preseason, and I’ll say it again – Arizona is shot. This could be one of the biggest falls from grace for a Super Bowl team ever. I think that Kurt Warner might get smacked around so much this season that he could actually meet that guy in the sky that he keeps talking about.
Robyn: Arizona – What’s up with the Old Balls quarterbacks?
Filthy Penny: Jacksonville
Robyn
Seattle @ San Francisco (-1)
Bread: San Fran – The Niners are my sleeper team this year, and I intend to pound their lines before Vegas catches up. Shaun Hill to Isaac Bruce - bringing back memories of Montana to Rice. Kinda.
Robyn: Seattle
Filthy Penny: Seattle
Tampa Bay @ Buffalo (-4.5)
Bread: Buffalo – Tampa Bay is fist-clenching, remote control-chucking, hair pulling, expletive shouting, interception throwing, heckler’s dream horrible.
Robyn: Buffalo
Filthy Penny: Buffalo
Cleveland @ Denver (-3)
Bread: Denver – If anyone can find me a prop bet “Will Champ Bailey pick off an interception on Brady Quinn?” I’m selling my wig collection and putting it all on YES! No 87-yard miracle play needed to cover the 3 points this week. I think.
Robyn: Denver
Filthy Penny: Denver
Baltimore @ San Diego (-3)
Bread: Baltimore – I’ve taken way too many favorites, and I’m fading the coin because she’s been drinking all day and I think these late games might be her undoing.
Robyn: San Diego
Filthy Penny: San Diego - (Woohoo I’m plastered! Philip Rivers is hot!)
Bread: San Fran – The Niners are my sleeper team this year, and I intend to pound their lines before Vegas catches up. Shaun Hill to Isaac Bruce - bringing back memories of Montana to Rice. Kinda.
Robyn: Seattle
Filthy Penny: Seattle
Tampa Bay @ Buffalo (-4.5)
Bread: Buffalo – Tampa Bay is fist-clenching, remote control-chucking, hair pulling, expletive shouting, interception throwing, heckler’s dream horrible.
Robyn: Buffalo
Filthy Penny: Buffalo
Cleveland @ Denver (-3)
Bread: Denver – If anyone can find me a prop bet “Will Champ Bailey pick off an interception on Brady Quinn?” I’m selling my wig collection and putting it all on YES! No 87-yard miracle play needed to cover the 3 points this week. I think.
Robyn: Denver
Filthy Penny: Denver
Baltimore @ San Diego (-3)
Bread: Baltimore – I’ve taken way too many favorites, and I’m fading the coin because she’s been drinking all day and I think these late games might be her undoing.
Robyn: San Diego
Filthy Penny: San Diego - (Woohoo I’m plastered! Philip Rivers is hot!)
Filthy Penny
Pittsburgh (-3) @ Chicago
Bread: Chicago – Chicago residents, hide your women, here comes Ben Roethlisberger! And I’m going to follow up the worst joke in this piece with possibly my worst pick. I like Chicago to win outright, but I’m not gonna lie, I’m a bit frightened. But I can’t turn back now.
Robyn: Pittsburgh
Filthy Penny: Chicago
NY Giants @ Dallas (-3)
Bread: Dallas – Final Score: Dallas 28 NYG 14 Scoreboard 3.
Robyn: Dallas
Filthy Penny: NY Giants
Indianapolis (-3) @ Miami
Bread: Miami – Every living person in the world that Patty Venditto has not had sex with will be on Indy. I know a sucker bet when I see one, and I’m too smert to go there.
Robyn: Miami – See you in November, holler.
Filthy Penny: Miami
Robyn: Pittsburgh
Filthy Penny: Chicago
NY Giants @ Dallas (-3)
Bread: Dallas – Final Score: Dallas 28 NYG 14 Scoreboard 3.
Robyn: Dallas
Filthy Penny: NY Giants
Indianapolis (-3) @ Miami
Bread: Miami – Every living person in the world that Patty Venditto has not had sex with will be on Indy. I know a sucker bet when I see one, and I’m too smert to go there.
Robyn: Miami – See you in November, holler.
Filthy Penny: Miami
good stuff
