College Football Prospects
Well folks it has arrived... the 2007 football scouting report! The
following is making the rounds of Division I football coaches:
Wayfron P. Jackson: 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver.
Hottest prospect from Columbia SC in the last ten years. Loves rap
music.
Will demand a mini cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for
the most "you knows" during an WLTX interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron
can
print his complete name.
Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6' 3", 220 lbs. Running Back.
Set NC state scoring record out of Triton High School, Dunn, N.C. Also
led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked
at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm.
Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back.
From Tyler, Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams
very well. Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to
change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red
brick."
Woodrow Lee Washington: 6' 8", 310 lbs.Tackle.
From a SC 4th generation welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of
21 children. Mother claims Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He
has a manslaughter trial pending but feels he will be found innocent
because: "The dude said something bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form,
he listed his I.Q. as 20-20.
Willie "Night Train" Smith: 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback.
Born on an Amtrak train near Danville, VA. Birth certificate indicates
he
is 27 years old. Thinks the "N" on Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge,"
but still meets this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on
wearing number 32 jersey since it matches his score on his Virginia Tech
College Entrance Exam.
Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver.
From Norfolk VA. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but
hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already
signed letters of intent with six other colleges but was also willing to
sign with University of SC. Likes wild women and red Cadillacs. Thinks Taco
Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard.
Played high school ball in New Orleans under the name Sylvester LeRoy
Jones until he discovered religion. Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project in Jacksonville. Doesn't know the meaning of the word
"fear." (Doesn't know the meaning of many other words, either.)
Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above in their
track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at track meets, the
NCAA has now agreed t o use a burglar alarm....this, they hope, will keep
the
runners alert
following is making the rounds of Division I football coaches:
Wayfron P. Jackson: 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver.
Hottest prospect from Columbia SC in the last ten years. Loves rap
music.
Will demand a mini cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for
the most "you knows" during an WLTX interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron
can
print his complete name.
Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6' 3", 220 lbs. Running Back.
Set NC state scoring record out of Triton High School, Dunn, N.C. Also
led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked
at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm.
Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back.
From Tyler, Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams
very well. Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to
change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red
brick."
Woodrow Lee Washington: 6' 8", 310 lbs.Tackle.
From a SC 4th generation welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of
21 children. Mother claims Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He
has a manslaughter trial pending but feels he will be found innocent
because: "The dude said something bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form,
he listed his I.Q. as 20-20.
Willie "Night Train" Smith: 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback.
Born on an Amtrak train near Danville, VA. Birth certificate indicates
he
is 27 years old. Thinks the "N" on Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge,"
but still meets this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on
wearing number 32 jersey since it matches his score on his Virginia Tech
College Entrance Exam.
Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver.
From Norfolk VA. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but
hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already
signed letters of intent with six other colleges but was also willing to
sign with University of SC. Likes wild women and red Cadillacs. Thinks Taco
Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard.
Played high school ball in New Orleans under the name Sylvester LeRoy
Jones until he discovered religion. Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project in Jacksonville. Doesn't know the meaning of the word
"fear." (Doesn't know the meaning of many other words, either.)
Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above in their
track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at track meets, the
NCAA has now agreed t o use a burglar alarm....this, they hope, will keep
the
runners alert