Hi guys, Ill make it short and sweet. (WELL NOT REALLY, if you lazy read the bold letters)
I have been struggling with a very dysfunctional life growing up and a very skewed way of seeing things. Often reacting to things not going my way with anger, hate, rage and violence. I have further added fuel to the fire by doing and abusing hard drugs, clinging to unhealthy relationships and not having a realistic self perception of my own short comings and mistakes.
After years feeling sorry for myself, hating God and blaming others (parents and women for my suffering) I have realized one can never blame nobody else for what you feel, want and desire. You have to be smart enough to break the patterns you saw growing up and be your own self. I have found enough inner peace to face my fears, my regrets and my own past and present mistakes. This was achieved after suffering greatly, thinking and TRYING killing myself more than once and causing suffering to people I love. And most importantly, see how life crumbles for people denying and resisting CHANGE. Real world throws you real life problems and suddenly the petty stuff seems tiny. Is never late.
Hug and kiss your family, your loved ones everyday you can, you never know when you wont be able to. Be a productive person in anyway you can, release the resentment and hatred for things you cant and wont control. Is a lose lose situation.
I apologize to whoever I have insulted or hurt here with my harsh words, I know I get a sewer mouth when angry and I have not behaved here like I should have sometimes, provoked or not... it showed my own weakness to let myself become a monster and someone no one would like to have nearby. I have done things in my life that are terrible... and cant be undone. But I can change, we all can. I can make sure I bring more joy than pain from now on.
I have been struggling with a very dysfunctional life growing up and a very skewed way of seeing things. Often reacting to things not going my way with anger, hate, rage and violence. I have further added fuel to the fire by doing and abusing hard drugs, clinging to unhealthy relationships and not having a realistic self perception of my own short comings and mistakes.
After years feeling sorry for myself, hating God and blaming others (parents and women for my suffering) I have realized one can never blame nobody else for what you feel, want and desire. You have to be smart enough to break the patterns you saw growing up and be your own self. I have found enough inner peace to face my fears, my regrets and my own past and present mistakes. This was achieved after suffering greatly, thinking and TRYING killing myself more than once and causing suffering to people I love. And most importantly, see how life crumbles for people denying and resisting CHANGE. Real world throws you real life problems and suddenly the petty stuff seems tiny. Is never late.
Hug and kiss your family, your loved ones everyday you can, you never know when you wont be able to. Be a productive person in anyway you can, release the resentment and hatred for things you cant and wont control. Is a lose lose situation.
I apologize to whoever I have insulted or hurt here with my harsh words, I know I get a sewer mouth when angry and I have not behaved here like I should have sometimes, provoked or not... it showed my own weakness to let myself become a monster and someone no one would like to have nearby. I have done things in my life that are terrible... and cant be undone. But I can change, we all can. I can make sure I bring more joy than pain from now on.
It's very real and powerful...