I consider myself an expert on the art of making a girl hate you on more levels than a game of Tetris. Guys, if you want a girl to break up with you, just follow these ten suggestions. She will leave you faster than you can say "restraining order".
10. (Decorate your room with boy bands from the 90's.) I am talking Color Me Badd on the ceiling, Boys 2 Men on the closet door. When your girl sees your undying love for all things Kriss Kross, phase one will be complete.
9. (Eat Hot Wings, BBQ beans, and drink a gallon of coffee an hour before "making whoopee") The noises that will eminate from your sphincter muscle will eliminate any chance of you two EVER having sex again. If she is German and into the whole "Two Girls One Cup" thing, ignore step 9 and proceed to.....
8. ( Buy her a monkey) You wanna piss off a girl? Buy her a pet that will treat her like Mike Tyson treated Robin Givens pre-Barbara Walters interview. Monkeys are mean animals. The cool thing is she won't have the heart to kill it, and no animal shelter will take it from her. Consider this a lasting rememberance of your time together.
7. (get herpes) Okay, this may seem extreme, but it works. Now make sure you get Herpes the old fashioned way...from a street walker. If you cannot get herpes, just put red dots with permanent marker on your privates.
6. ( wear her underwear) I have done this. This not only works, but when she sees you in them, you will be left with a free pair of underwear.. SCORE!!
5. ( Erase her episodes of American Idol & The Hills from her DVR) Seperating women from Lauren Conrad or Sunjiya is akin to a woman burning your issues of any Playboy with "The Year In Sex" inside.
4. (post pictures of her boobs on the internet) Women like having their picture taken, but for some reason hate having her sweater puppies in full display. Don't ask me why. Anyway, place said pictures on any good prison web site. Like Casey Kasem said "The hits will keep coming and coming".
3. ( make out with her mother) I saw this in a Cinemax after hour special once. It was hot. If her mom looks like Woody Allen in drag, do not fret. Huff some rubber cement. Glue makes the world a happier place.
2. ( take her to Turkey for her birthday and place bags of heroin in her luggage) the cool thing is when she is serving 100 years in a maximum security cell, you get the Lifetime movie rights. This one should ONLY be used if she is a REAL BITCH. I mean I am talking Kim Kardashian annoying.
1. ( Tell her you love her) I have done this one at least 100 times. Works like a charm.
10. (Decorate your room with boy bands from the 90's.) I am talking Color Me Badd on the ceiling, Boys 2 Men on the closet door. When your girl sees your undying love for all things Kriss Kross, phase one will be complete.
9. (Eat Hot Wings, BBQ beans, and drink a gallon of coffee an hour before "making whoopee") The noises that will eminate from your sphincter muscle will eliminate any chance of you two EVER having sex again. If she is German and into the whole "Two Girls One Cup" thing, ignore step 9 and proceed to.....
8. ( Buy her a monkey) You wanna piss off a girl? Buy her a pet that will treat her like Mike Tyson treated Robin Givens pre-Barbara Walters interview. Monkeys are mean animals. The cool thing is she won't have the heart to kill it, and no animal shelter will take it from her. Consider this a lasting rememberance of your time together.
7. (get herpes) Okay, this may seem extreme, but it works. Now make sure you get Herpes the old fashioned way...from a street walker. If you cannot get herpes, just put red dots with permanent marker on your privates.
6. ( wear her underwear) I have done this. This not only works, but when she sees you in them, you will be left with a free pair of underwear.. SCORE!!
5. ( Erase her episodes of American Idol & The Hills from her DVR) Seperating women from Lauren Conrad or Sunjiya is akin to a woman burning your issues of any Playboy with "The Year In Sex" inside.
4. (post pictures of her boobs on the internet) Women like having their picture taken, but for some reason hate having her sweater puppies in full display. Don't ask me why. Anyway, place said pictures on any good prison web site. Like Casey Kasem said "The hits will keep coming and coming".
3. ( make out with her mother) I saw this in a Cinemax after hour special once. It was hot. If her mom looks like Woody Allen in drag, do not fret. Huff some rubber cement. Glue makes the world a happier place.
2. ( take her to Turkey for her birthday and place bags of heroin in her luggage) the cool thing is when she is serving 100 years in a maximum security cell, you get the Lifetime movie rights. This one should ONLY be used if she is a REAL BITCH. I mean I am talking Kim Kardashian annoying.
1. ( Tell her you love her) I have done this one at least 100 times. Works like a charm.
