Uncle Willie’s Story Time: Tacostiltskin
Hi boys and girls. Your old pal Uncle Willie is back with another story to help you grow big and strong in the world. So pay attention.
Once upon a time way back in 2008 there was this barreled in gambler who asked that his name not be used in this story so we will just call him Willie Bee. And in order to impress the SBR bosses one day he mentioned that his daughter, Bad Nina, could pick winners left and right.
With it being the slow season and all that, the SBR bosses decided to hire Bad Nina to make a little extra cheese before football season started with some winning picks. Bad Nina's first pick was a big loser, however, as was her second pick which was really stupid to double down and chase an Over in a Giants, Nationals game. I mean, c'mon, what in the hell were they thinking! That is almost as bad as some idiot who fades the Astros all the time.
Anyway, after that second loser the SBR bosses told Willie Bee they were going to give his daughter one more chance, or it was adios to the two of them, Chucked City. That night Willie Bee went out drinking, as usual, and locked Bad Nina in their 26-foot RV to come up with a winning pick.
While he was gone and Bad Nina was praying to God and asking questions like, "Why did you put me in the shallow end of the gene pool," a tall skinny dude named Tacostiltskin magically appeared in the RV.
"I'll give you a winner, my fair maiden," the gambling pixie exclaimed.
"You shore do talk funny," Bad Nina replied, "but you're sorta' cute and I like you and I'll give anything if you can pick me a winner, gambling pixie."
"Anything?" the gambling pixie asked, his thinly groomed eyebrows dancing up and down on his forehead. Think Snidely Whiplash, only taller and without the hat, plus the gambling pixie didn't have a handlebar mustache. Other than that, spot on, mate.
Snidely Tacomax
Sure enough, the pick was a winner. But of course, that was not enough, and for the next week Willie Bee and the SBR bosses locked Nina and Tacostiltskin in the RV while they went out drinking and carrying on. The picks were all winners, but now Bad Nina was getting worried because of the 'anything' part of the deal. She had stalled this Tacostiltskin gambling pixie dude all she could.
So she finally confessed to her father what was going on. That night, Willie Bee hung around the RV after he left, getting all stealthy and shit like that. Right on time, Tacostiltskin appeared and was caught by surprise when Willie Bee burst into the RV. Tacostiltskin tried to get away but was quickly subdued by the offer of a Gin & Tonic.
Willie Bee explained he knew all about what had been going on and would forbid his daughter from marrying anyone who wore pointy shoes and referred to cookies as "biscuits."
"But a deal is a deal," the gambling pixie replied.
"Listen you, I've got guns. Hey, what is your name anyway?"
The gambling pixie laughed and asked for another G&T. "I say chap, I do not want any bloodshed. So if you can guess my name by this time tomorrow...just a wee bit more gin, please...I will give up on marrying your daughter.
"But if you can't, pops, start making arrangements for a wedding this Saturday." Tacostiltskin gulped his drink and then disappeared into the dark, Texas evening.
That night while he was out drinking again, Willie Bee thought about all of the possible names this weird dude might be called. Finally deciding on Basil, he stumbled on home when the bar closed at midnight.
Coming up on the little bridge over Twin Sisters Creek, Willie Bee was going to stop and piss behind the big pecan tree like usual when he saw a strange flicker of light coming from down in the creek. So he pissed quietly and then went to check it out.
Under the bridge crouched around a small fire, Willie Bee saw the gambling fairy swilling another Gin & Tonic. Then he heard him start to chant and sing.
"Tonight do I drink, tomorrow I drink too,
The day after that Bad Nina's hand I win
And oh! I am glad that nobody knew
That the name I am called is Tacostiltskin!"
Happy Boy's rendition of the gambling pixie.
When Willie Bee got back to the RV, he managed to pass along the information before he passed out. The next afternoon after he woke up, Bad Nina reminded him of what happened the night before. Just after dark the gambling pixie showed up for the big reveal. Confident he had won, Tacostiltskin smiled as he accepted a drink from Willie Bee.
"I say chap, have you the answer to my inquiry?" Tacostiltskin asked.
"I do indeed," Willie Bee smiled and raised his glass to the gambling pixie. "Cheers to you, Tacostiltskin."
"El-oh-el," the gambling pixie laughed. "I knew you'd fall for that! My real name is Basil, Basil Jones."
Two days later Basil and Bad Nina Jones walked down the aisle and then quickly departed for a honeymoon in Vegas where they won millions of dollars and then bought their own island to live on and raise a family.
Willie Bee? He sold his RV and moved into a shaq just up Twin Sisters Creek from where he got the bad inside information. And that's the moral of this story: Never trust inside information. Oh, and never leave your daughter home alone with a gambling pixie.
Until next time this is Uncle Willie saying always whittle away from you, never eat mayonnaise that has been left out of the fridge for more than an hour, and always check the toilet seat before you sit down.
Hi boys and girls. Your old pal Uncle Willie is back with another story to help you grow big and strong in the world. So pay attention.
Once upon a time way back in 2008 there was this barreled in gambler who asked that his name not be used in this story so we will just call him Willie Bee. And in order to impress the SBR bosses one day he mentioned that his daughter, Bad Nina, could pick winners left and right.
With it being the slow season and all that, the SBR bosses decided to hire Bad Nina to make a little extra cheese before football season started with some winning picks. Bad Nina's first pick was a big loser, however, as was her second pick which was really stupid to double down and chase an Over in a Giants, Nationals game. I mean, c'mon, what in the hell were they thinking! That is almost as bad as some idiot who fades the Astros all the time.
Anyway, after that second loser the SBR bosses told Willie Bee they were going to give his daughter one more chance, or it was adios to the two of them, Chucked City. That night Willie Bee went out drinking, as usual, and locked Bad Nina in their 26-foot RV to come up with a winning pick.
While he was gone and Bad Nina was praying to God and asking questions like, "Why did you put me in the shallow end of the gene pool," a tall skinny dude named Tacostiltskin magically appeared in the RV.
"I'll give you a winner, my fair maiden," the gambling pixie exclaimed.
"You shore do talk funny," Bad Nina replied, "but you're sorta' cute and I like you and I'll give anything if you can pick me a winner, gambling pixie."
"Anything?" the gambling pixie asked, his thinly groomed eyebrows dancing up and down on his forehead. Think Snidely Whiplash, only taller and without the hat, plus the gambling pixie didn't have a handlebar mustache. Other than that, spot on, mate.
Snidely Tacomax
Sure enough, the pick was a winner. But of course, that was not enough, and for the next week Willie Bee and the SBR bosses locked Nina and Tacostiltskin in the RV while they went out drinking and carrying on. The picks were all winners, but now Bad Nina was getting worried because of the 'anything' part of the deal. She had stalled this Tacostiltskin gambling pixie dude all she could.
So she finally confessed to her father what was going on. That night, Willie Bee hung around the RV after he left, getting all stealthy and shit like that. Right on time, Tacostiltskin appeared and was caught by surprise when Willie Bee burst into the RV. Tacostiltskin tried to get away but was quickly subdued by the offer of a Gin & Tonic.
Willie Bee explained he knew all about what had been going on and would forbid his daughter from marrying anyone who wore pointy shoes and referred to cookies as "biscuits."
"But a deal is a deal," the gambling pixie replied.
"Listen you, I've got guns. Hey, what is your name anyway?"
The gambling pixie laughed and asked for another G&T. "I say chap, I do not want any bloodshed. So if you can guess my name by this time tomorrow...just a wee bit more gin, please...I will give up on marrying your daughter.
"But if you can't, pops, start making arrangements for a wedding this Saturday." Tacostiltskin gulped his drink and then disappeared into the dark, Texas evening.
That night while he was out drinking again, Willie Bee thought about all of the possible names this weird dude might be called. Finally deciding on Basil, he stumbled on home when the bar closed at midnight.
Coming up on the little bridge over Twin Sisters Creek, Willie Bee was going to stop and piss behind the big pecan tree like usual when he saw a strange flicker of light coming from down in the creek. So he pissed quietly and then went to check it out.
Under the bridge crouched around a small fire, Willie Bee saw the gambling fairy swilling another Gin & Tonic. Then he heard him start to chant and sing.
"Tonight do I drink, tomorrow I drink too,
The day after that Bad Nina's hand I win
And oh! I am glad that nobody knew
That the name I am called is Tacostiltskin!"
Happy Boy's rendition of the gambling pixie.
When Willie Bee got back to the RV, he managed to pass along the information before he passed out. The next afternoon after he woke up, Bad Nina reminded him of what happened the night before. Just after dark the gambling pixie showed up for the big reveal. Confident he had won, Tacostiltskin smiled as he accepted a drink from Willie Bee.
"I say chap, have you the answer to my inquiry?" Tacostiltskin asked.
"I do indeed," Willie Bee smiled and raised his glass to the gambling pixie. "Cheers to you, Tacostiltskin."
"El-oh-el," the gambling pixie laughed. "I knew you'd fall for that! My real name is Basil, Basil Jones."
Two days later Basil and Bad Nina Jones walked down the aisle and then quickly departed for a honeymoon in Vegas where they won millions of dollars and then bought their own island to live on and raise a family.
Willie Bee? He sold his RV and moved into a shaq just up Twin Sisters Creek from where he got the bad inside information. And that's the moral of this story: Never trust inside information. Oh, and never leave your daughter home alone with a gambling pixie.
Until next time this is Uncle Willie saying always whittle away from you, never eat mayonnaise that has been left out of the fridge for more than an hour, and always check the toilet seat before you sit down.
