Betplom

[englishmike]

A man runs down a street and shouts to a passing policeman.."There's a lion just escaped from the zoo!!!"

The policeman asked.."Which way did he go?"

The man replied.."You don't think I'm fukin chasing him do you??"

[dwaechte]

[betplom]

Mike Tysons pissed, just discovered his daughter's a swinger.

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

[englishmike]

lol

[wtf]

ha

[englishmike]

Father O'Connor keep chickens behind the church in a coop. One sunday he goes to feed them and notices the cock is missing. He knows there's a cock fighting in the village so at mass he questions the congregation. "Has anybody got a cock?, and all the men stand up. "No I meant has anybody seen a cock", and all the women stand up. "No no has anybody seen my cock", 16 alter boys, 2 priests and a goat stand up!

[AMBlai01]

this thread is wrong....

[betplom]

Q: How do you keep a dog from humping your leg?

A: Suck its dick.

[dwaechte]

this thread is wrong....

Or so, so right

[betplom]

Q: How do you stop a gang rape in progress?


A: Throw in a basketball.

[betplom]

Q: How can you tell if your roommate's gay?

A: His dick tastes like shit.

[betplom]

Q: Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?


A: You would too if your name was Ehhhhnuuuhh.

[englishmike]

150 White men chasing a black man used to be called the KKK, now it's called the US Open Golf Tournament.

[englishmike]

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; "Fuk off, you won't bring it back."

[betplom]

Q: What's the worst part about having sex with a 9-year-old?

A: Cleaning the blood off your clown suit.

[betplom]

Q: What's the best part about being a pedophile?


A: Your dick looks so big in their little hands.

[betplom]

Q: How can you tell if your roommate is gay?

A: He gets hard when you **** him.

[dwaechte]

https://www.dead-baby-joke.com

[englishmike]

I had a German plumber in the other day and he accidentally connected the gas supply to the shower, I guess old habits die hard....

[englishmike]

English weather has turned muslim. Sometimes sun-ni but mostly shi-ite.

[englishmike]

What is the diffrence between a circus and a line of Vegas showgirls?

The first is a cunning array of stunts.

[betplom]

Q: What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?



A: clit round the ear and a flap across the face

[betplom]

Q-- What have the English football team and a 3-pin plug got in common?

A-- They're both fvcking useless in Europe.

[betplom]

Victoria (Posh Spice) Beckham has broken the World Record for gang bangs.

In 120 minutes, her shaven cunt managed to fvck all of England!

[englishmike]

Scientists have developed viagra eye drops.

They make you look hard.

[betplom]

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.

[englishmike]

I found out today that my gran was in a porno film, I dont know what disgusted me more, the fact she made it or the fact I carried on wanking after I recognised her....

[betplom]

Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks. Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.

"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.

The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"

[MonkeyF0cker]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

[betplom]

This man pulls up in his Mercedes beside a little boy.

He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car."

To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"

[MonkeyF0cker]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[betplom]

Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were approaching two tampons. Before the pads and tampons reached each other, one pad said to the other,

"Should we say hi to those 2 tampons?"

The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up cunts."

[englishmike]

A pakistani arrives at the gates of heaven, St. Peter looks at him and says 'what the fuk do you want?'

Pakistani says 'im here for Jesus,'

Ohh right then says St Pete and walks over to the pearly gates and yells 'Oi Jesus your taxis here!'

[englishmike]

Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks. Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.


"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.


The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"

Thats funny.

[englishmike]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

lol