Broke up with a longtime girlfriend end of last summer. Her kid when I met her was 1 and the dead beat father just left and went to California when he was born. Great fukin kid, I raised him. He was my own, probably loved him more than anyone on this earth. Now its been about a year and haven't seen or talked to him. It kills me inside. My day to day, and everything that used to matter just really doesn't anymore. I thought football season would get my mind off the past but honestly I haven't even posted up a dollar. I have just thrown darts at all my contests, fantasy, and points betting. First time since I started sports betting I haven't even given a fuk about putting money on it and when, my favorite team in all sports, FSU got stomped I had zero emotion. Anyone go through something like this? I am started to actually worry. I have been in two 7 year relationships and I felt nothing like this. I mean golf is life for me. I am good, not to toot my own horn, but that's all I do. Since I was 19, the highest handicap I have carried was a 2. I am a fukin 5 right now. I shoot 76 every fukin time I play no matter how I start, it's very weird. I don't know what to do.Help or throw jabs, either way I love this place and why I ask this question here. For some reason total strangers seem the likely candidates to help because I know I will just here the same bullshit from family, it you know what I mean.Bottoms up boys. Another night sitting in front of a bonfire in front of a sweet lake but not much joy. Fukin, weak ass
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Work and save money. Forget about the past. We must move forward. Life is really hard. Thinking makes it harder.Comment -
It seems like ur a solid dude with a big heart. Is there anyway u can reach out to her and her son? I'm sure the kid misses u as well.
PeaceComment -
you done good dont have any regretsComment -
Just remember all good things come to an end. We all die in the end. Prepare for death but don't fear it. Can it really be worse than would we have to deal with in life? The answer is no.Comment -
The thing is Smoke, it wasn't that great the last 2 years. That's why I didn't post for almost 3 years. I was dealing with this. I stayed because I wanted the kid. He is awesome and he has a pathologic liar for a mom and a pile of shit for a father. Makes me very angry sometimes, he has no chance.Comment -
depending on how the break up was i would call her and tell her that you miss her son and that he always meant a lot to you and that you would like to take him to lunch or a ballgame etc.
at this point what do you have to lose?
if it goes well ask her if she would mind you being a mentor/ father figure to him
good luck
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Forward only...only losers worry about thngs that they cznnot controlComment -
You need to adopt a dog from a homeless shelter. Then you have someone to care about. A dog is a man's best friend.Comment -
Find a nice girl and start a family. Sounds like you have a lot to give, and that is a good thing my friend.
First follow all about $$$ advice, if that doesn't work...
The kid will be ok. It must be tough but it is out of your control. Can't dwell on things that are beyond your control... it is a waste of energy and because you get nowhere it can suck you dry.
And if I ever hear you bitch about a 5 handicap again, I will find you and slap the shit out of you.Comment -
phones always on bro, no matter the timeComment -
34 is nothing - you have a lot in front of you. But, hey - I think you need a new woman - there a lot of matches possible - I know it is a humbling process to get into dating again - a guy almost has to drink massive amounts to do the looking - you probably know what you are looking for now - what traits are compatible.Comment -
We're similar age. Talk therapy has helped me a lot. Thought it was for weak fukks in my 20s. Work on yourself and the right chick will materializeComment -
Yeah man that old relationship with the kid is as good as gone, especially if you no longer have any contact with the mother.
If you like kids and have extra time, go volunteer your time at some youth camp or something. Same applies to animal shelters - if the time permits, go out an help.
Most people are too lazy to make a change and just rather sit at home and feel sorry for themselves, but even something as little as a few hours of your time on the weekend could make a huge difference in someone's life (regardless whether it's a kid or a dog).
At 34 you still have a whole life ahead of ya. It sounds to me, that you just lost the drive and excitement and in order to get it back, you need to either pick up a new hobby or meet someone new...or both. Animal shelter btw is a perfect place to meet some down to earth chicks.
Remember life offers a lot of opportunities to people with ambition...so don't waste your time, sitting in a house all by yourself thinking about some imaginary "midlife crisis" - you don't have it.
Get up tomorrow and make a plan for yourself for this upcoming weekend. And when Saturday comes, go out and execute it.
All the best!
Tony RobbinsRussian RocketComment -
Anyone thats in a lot of relationships that failures probably a jerk offComment -
Been there done that..
Raised a kid since 3 years old and up and then broke up with the x when the kid was in junior high school. The X girl friend got old in front of my eyes and I fell out of love with her. What can I do she was 7 years older then me and I still had it going on? I didn't cheat on her and tried to be nice with the break up but she was bitter.. She kept her daughter away from me for 10 years after that.. I let it go and moved on...
I didn't try to stay in contact with the kid either, years later the X remarried and she then became cool with me and I then got back in touch with the daughter but she was grown up now.. A wild experience reuniting.. The daughter I raised still remembered me and never forgot and missed me.. I was her favorite fill in dad for sure
... Now at age 23 there is nothing but love.. She's getting married to a doctor now and moved to England..She missed me the entire time as I thought of her as my own daughter as well..
Give it some time buddy but try to reach out to the X and kid at some point.. Gotta remember the X will fall back on the kid during the break up period and will stay distant.. She will then look to find someone new and restart reset with a brady bunch family.. Give it some time but that kid will always love you and remember you even when they become adults.. TRUST ME ON THIS...
Good luck bud... Move on for now...
Join a gym, get in shape, begin to let go and feel good about yourself again.. Join dating websites when the rebound faze is over.. Online dating is good start to get back to dating and feeling like you da man again.. Even if you are meeting suspect chicks online that's ok, roll with it and get your mojo back.......
Best advice I can give you for what ever it's worth right there.....Comment -
go to a few massage parlorsComment -
Really good advice in here. Russian had a great post, Jibby, lots of good characters reaching out. Helping others really helps the psyche, it's a win win. Good for you that gambling isn't working as an escape too, that's a huge positive. If it did work as an escape, what does that say about your ability to become a better person? It would immensely limit your capacity to have a better life. Another good one will come around, there's so many of them. And so many of them fuckin suck. It just doesn't seem that relationships that involve a big break can ever get that far again though. There's probably plenty of counterexamples to the sentiment for people that did figure out a way to make it work, but there's a lot to be excited about because there is someone way better in store for you out there. Hardest thing in the world to move on, but it's the truth, you've got to do it. Even though a guy said it in somewhat of a trite manner, that another poster found rude, I think he's right. Don't you find it admirable when you see friends move on and create something new? Don't you always think there's something kind of weak about your friends who stay stuck in the past for something they've most likely romanticized into thinking it was far better than it actually was? A lot of it is about ego, control, and wanting what we can't have. It's against our nature to not want what's out of our control as it pits us against principles like mortality, finitutde, and closure. It's against our nature to just jump right into change and acceptance. The less you think about yourself, the better your life will be, go figure. And good for you for being such an asset to the young man, that's a great thing! A great thinker named Ram Dass says, "when you give it all up, you get it all." Best to you. Your not in a mid life crisis, your just at a turning point that is a good challenge for you to evolve.Comment -
Yea, some good advice here.. Sucks, kids need a father figure but you can't do anything about it... She's screwing up her kids life..but it's her blood to do so. Jibbby had some solid advice, go to the gym, golf, keep your mind focused on productive things that you enjoy, get some what centered in peace, (I would add, find God if you haven't, you sound like a solid cat) then go into some type of dating... Rather online or through mutual friends, or just get on the hunt... Find yourself a lady with a heart like yours and have yourself a family...
Then come back to this thread and give us the good news... Boy, girl ...or twins ??Comment -
If you get to read this... above mentioned great not just good but great advice. I'm in the same age bracket. I lost my mother 2 years ago and lost the same drive. I can start a week +2100 and down to 300 bucks in the same forum looking forward to a routine. Make money, and become the guy that gets results. Energy is never lost nor destroyed. Simply transfered. Law of conservation of energy. I say that to say. Look in to getting the dog. Join a gym start a thread. Document for personal growth and development. Look back at this 30 days from now and look forward to your progress. The female will come, the . money is on the way. #bestoftimesaretheworstoftimesComment -
go to your local animal shelter and adopt a dog that's about to get euthanized for space. he or she will save you from this rut and give you the unconditional love you so desire... no joke.Comment -
Take out a 18 thousand dollar loan and put it on fsu -6 vs usf. Find a bad bitch and break her back. Have her call you daddyComment -
Life is a roller coaster with its up and downs. In the end it is a ride and you make what you make of it. Don't dwell on the past or think about it too much. Always remember it but don't let it dictate your life. What has happened to you were experiences that hopefully you learned from. Those experiences made you who you are today. Money helps keep a roof over your head, but isn't the most important thing. You need to make sure you take care of your health and not waste time. Money can be replaced, but your health and time can not. There are always more adventures in front of you. Just do what makes you happy and remember life is what you make of it. Best of luck to you amigo!Comment -
Facebook?Comment -
This is the worst advice anyone can give. She will be very bitter if you call her and say that you miss her son and not her. She will prevent you from seeing the kid out of spite. Horrible advice. All you can do at this point is wait it out and maybe she calls you because the son wanted to see you and she needs help.depending on how the break up was i would call her and tell her that you miss her son and that he always meant a lot to you and that you would like to take him to lunch or a ballgame etc.
at this point what do you have to lose?
if it goes well ask her if she would mind you being a mentor/ father figure to him
good luck
But, I would not hold my breath. Once you breakup with a girl, you breakup with her entire family. It is what it is. Which is why I highly recommend never get close to families, especially kids until you know she's the one. Until then, keep your distance so you don't create chaos, grief, sorrow, sore feelings when you're gone. It sounds like you still have feelings for her and you need to come to grips with that. If she's unstable and a liar, you need to let her go. The best way to forget about someone is to find someone else. I wouldn't get into another serious relationship right now. I would play the field, stick and sort until you find one that can put up with your shit. The more you date around, the more you won't put up with bullshit. If you only have one, you'll put with all kind of shit out of fear. You need to always be in a position of power.Comment -
The girl sounds like a real piece.
Tough spot. Keep your chin up, pal.Where's the fuckin power box, Carol?Comment
