Brackets? What brackets?
My God what a mess. I've been home for several days, and just now feeling well enough to document this trip. I couldn't hit a winner to save my life. Not hoops, not blackjack, not video poker, nada. And you know what? This was still the best Vegas trip to date. We did it up real good. I did manage to document our Wednesday trip to the Grand Canyon before my laptop broke. In case you missed it, here is the link.
I mentioned in that last piece that we stopped off at the most hilariously depressing casino in Nevada on the way back to Vegas, Railroad Pass. On a wall they had a montage of all the employees of the month. What a motley crew of creeps and coal miners' wives. I had to double chug in front of it. And I did.
Ah Thursday morning. I wake up nice and fresh, ready to hit up this tourney. Some people break down games every which way and study numbers and trends. I didn't have time, but I did have three simple rules for this tourney - bet Unders, bet against Mormon schools, and bet against Black schools. I know, it's a real complex mind I own.
When the morning games begin, I know this is going to be a winning excursion for me. I can feel it in my bile. My biggest risked wager is on LSU -2, which I win. My most exciting game however, was Cal-State Northridge moneyline at +2700. You'd have to be insane to bet a 15-seed vs. a 2-seed straight up right? I remember the last time a 15-seed won it was the Richmond Spiders taking out Syracuse I believe. I won a Mexican pizza from my buddy. I had a little more riding on this one. All I remember is that C/S was actually winning by 6 with around three minutes left and I was shouting all by myself. They ended up losing by around 10 and I knew right there, that this was actually NOT going to be my weekend with the games.
I believe it was Iwinyoumoney who told me that he was huge on the Texas-Minnesota Over and hoped I was on the opposite. Welp, I was. For HUGE. One of my biggest bets of the weekend. You're welcome pally! Throw in substantial losses on Under plays in the Maryland-Cal and Akron-Gonzaga game and guess what? Bread is a real winner lemme tell ya! LOL? No.
The day is only saved by Michigan. The Wolverines moneyline at +195, and MI 2nd half for BIG helped me out quite a bit. A quick run over to the blackjack tables at The Stratosphere yields me a pocket full of black. Things are looking up. We decide to take a taxi to Old Vegas, where I give back my pocket full of black to The Golden Nugget and Fremont. But my blackjack table was right next to the best, cheesiest Elvis impersonator ever, and my dealer was hot, so I feel a little better about my situation. 4 AM bedtime.
************************************
I wake up in a bad mood on Friday and my throat is hotter than Shanty's backyard. Time to do it up again. This is when I realize that Robyn did better than me yesterday. Using her winnings from the 128-Man contest, she won on UNC -25, and lost on UCLA -8. She broke even. I did not. Ug.
I was doing OK. I was just doing some small wagers here and there, nothing major. Then came the later games. I was meeting up with MonkeyFocker so I put in some games early. The Wake Forest-Cleveland St. game in particular had me baffled. Why was the spread only 8? A four vs. a thirteen. A team that was ranked #1 earlier this year, from the mighty ACC. I smelled a rat. Or a fish. I smelled a rat-fish. I wouldn't be taken, oh no. I know a sucker bet when I see one. So I took The Deacons moneyline at -340. I was so proud of myself. I would not be like everyone else pounding the eight points. I'm no sucker. I would take them straight up!! YES! Then they lost. And unlike everyone losing at -110, I lost at -340. I thought I was a wise owl! But I was just a baseborn idiot.
Baseborn! Idiot!
MonkeyFocker showed up and I was feeling froggy talking to him and I called in another big one to Just Bet on Michigan St at -15.5. Needless to say, they won by 15. Well the drinks and the company were good. Monkey is a super guy. But we had to go to a show and he had to get away from my loser cooties. We were going to the Stratosphere's topless vampire cabaret style show, Bite. And boy did it ever please.
I saw this show years ago, and I fully recommend it. It is very cheap, and just dreadful. I'd like to tell you everything that happened, but I couldn't see through my tears of laughter. It was awesome. After the show, I was in rare form. I began to approach strangers with a starstruck look on my face. I would say "Oh my God I just love you on Grey's Anatomy! Can I get my picture with you?" My victims were always confused, but played along anyways. Here are just a few of them.
Yup.....everyone is a star in Vegas. Except for that last guy. He was the tech who came out to fix my video poker machine and he was not pleased with my antics. Kinda looks like a Fillipino David Cassidy, doesn't he?
Then at our bar, the entire cast of Bite came to hang out. I don't know if they saw me laughing at them uncontrollably in the front row, but I wasn't missing this photo-op. Notice how the hottie on my right can't keep her hands off of me. It's a gift.
Then as if things couldn't get any better, I met UFC champ "Sugar" Rashad Evans!! Check it out!
That's when we met Uncle Jim. I don't know who this guy was but he was hilarious and he made us drink shots, which we never do. Uncle Jim was a bad man, but for one night, I loved him. I wonder from the first picture, if he would've rather we just left him alone. I dunno? He had no clue at that point.
Jim and I scurried off to play blackjack. I don't remember much else except I had the funnest tables ever, and I didn't win and didn't care. Another 4 AM bedtime. Great.
*************************************
I believe that it was The Pointer Sisters who once said "Saturdays they may be rough but you drink anyways!" OK, no, that was me who said that. I was in serious pain. My throat felt like it had gone 13 rounds with Rogue Scholar's toy collection. I knew I needed reinforcement today. Saturday was funny wig-hat day.
These Overs can't keep hitting right? I unload on TX A&M-UCONN Under 136.5. Um, no. It's starting to get brutal up in here. So I unload BIG once again on the Purdue-WA 2nd half Under 75. OOPS! Thank God I'm wearing my wig-hat or I could be pretty vulnerable right now. It definitely wasn't Under Weekend. I missed the memo. I win and lose some other small ones. At this point, I'm done with hoops. Time for some blackjack again.
I have the best blackjack tables ever. From the players to the dealers to even the pit bosses, everyone is having fun. There is one really cute girl with two glorious double downs playing at my table. I then remember that I have to head to the Luxor for the Criss Angel Cirque du Soleil show. I hate Criss Angel, but I love the Cirque shows. I've now seen 6 or 7 of them and they always please. We spent big bucks on these tickets too, right in the front row. Oh goodie goodie!
Out comes Jon Bon Jovi, er, Goo Goo Dolls, er, Criss Angel. He starts rambling about himself, and his dumb show. And it goes on. And on. And on. I'm tanked mind you and in no mood for self-grandizing from this moron. Then they do some cool stuff, but he starts talking again. I begin to boo, and I literally do the thumbs down sign! Who actually does that? I hated the show. We headed back to our hotel, via two different taxis (one driver went Jihad on me) and back to the tables. That's when this happened!
Thank God I was wearing my hat-wig or I may have actually married this never-was hottie! Another 4 AM night. Holy crap.
*****************************
On Sunday, my throat is the least of my concerns. I lay in bed for hours. How many games have I missed? I don't know. I look like Hume Cronyn's character in 'Marvin's Room'. It's not pretty.
Robyn and I on Sunday morning
At some point in the afternoon, we take a taxi down to Casino Royale. The late games have started and I have action on none of them. I officially took my lumps. I played $10 blackjack hands, sipping on watered down Baybreezes, while watching the crowd at the bar go crazy for the end of the Siena and Missouri games. I suck. We then headed over to The Orleans for the Don Rickles show. I know, I said the same thing...He's still alive?! My first time at The Orleans and I was shocked. What a beautiful place. The whole Louisiana theme works for me also. Don Rickles kills it. He won't be around much longer and I'll be very happy that I saw him live. Raw comedy not worried about hurting feelings, the way it should be.
Rockin my SBR shirt with Don Rickles
Celebrity sightings - Scott Ian from Anthrax, Evander Holyfield at Vegas Airport, and Keyshawn at Atlanta Airport. Whoop dee doo, but still kinda neat.
All in all, this was my best Vegas trip ever. I lost my shirt and I was dead wrong on those Unders. But hey, at least BYU, Utah, Utah St, Morehead St and Morgan St. all lost. I knew the Mormon and Black schools would go down. I'm a real winner.
My God what a mess. I've been home for several days, and just now feeling well enough to document this trip. I couldn't hit a winner to save my life. Not hoops, not blackjack, not video poker, nada. And you know what? This was still the best Vegas trip to date. We did it up real good. I did manage to document our Wednesday trip to the Grand Canyon before my laptop broke. In case you missed it, here is the link.
I mentioned in that last piece that we stopped off at the most hilariously depressing casino in Nevada on the way back to Vegas, Railroad Pass. On a wall they had a montage of all the employees of the month. What a motley crew of creeps and coal miners' wives. I had to double chug in front of it. And I did.
Ah Thursday morning. I wake up nice and fresh, ready to hit up this tourney. Some people break down games every which way and study numbers and trends. I didn't have time, but I did have three simple rules for this tourney - bet Unders, bet against Mormon schools, and bet against Black schools. I know, it's a real complex mind I own.
When the morning games begin, I know this is going to be a winning excursion for me. I can feel it in my bile. My biggest risked wager is on LSU -2, which I win. My most exciting game however, was Cal-State Northridge moneyline at +2700. You'd have to be insane to bet a 15-seed vs. a 2-seed straight up right? I remember the last time a 15-seed won it was the Richmond Spiders taking out Syracuse I believe. I won a Mexican pizza from my buddy. I had a little more riding on this one. All I remember is that C/S was actually winning by 6 with around three minutes left and I was shouting all by myself. They ended up losing by around 10 and I knew right there, that this was actually NOT going to be my weekend with the games.
I believe it was Iwinyoumoney who told me that he was huge on the Texas-Minnesota Over and hoped I was on the opposite. Welp, I was. For HUGE. One of my biggest bets of the weekend. You're welcome pally! Throw in substantial losses on Under plays in the Maryland-Cal and Akron-Gonzaga game and guess what? Bread is a real winner lemme tell ya! LOL? No.
The day is only saved by Michigan. The Wolverines moneyline at +195, and MI 2nd half for BIG helped me out quite a bit. A quick run over to the blackjack tables at The Stratosphere yields me a pocket full of black. Things are looking up. We decide to take a taxi to Old Vegas, where I give back my pocket full of black to The Golden Nugget and Fremont. But my blackjack table was right next to the best, cheesiest Elvis impersonator ever, and my dealer was hot, so I feel a little better about my situation. 4 AM bedtime.
************************************
I wake up in a bad mood on Friday and my throat is hotter than Shanty's backyard. Time to do it up again. This is when I realize that Robyn did better than me yesterday. Using her winnings from the 128-Man contest, she won on UNC -25, and lost on UCLA -8. She broke even. I did not. Ug.
I was doing OK. I was just doing some small wagers here and there, nothing major. Then came the later games. I was meeting up with MonkeyFocker so I put in some games early. The Wake Forest-Cleveland St. game in particular had me baffled. Why was the spread only 8? A four vs. a thirteen. A team that was ranked #1 earlier this year, from the mighty ACC. I smelled a rat. Or a fish. I smelled a rat-fish. I wouldn't be taken, oh no. I know a sucker bet when I see one. So I took The Deacons moneyline at -340. I was so proud of myself. I would not be like everyone else pounding the eight points. I'm no sucker. I would take them straight up!! YES! Then they lost. And unlike everyone losing at -110, I lost at -340. I thought I was a wise owl! But I was just a baseborn idiot.
Baseborn! Idiot!
MonkeyFocker showed up and I was feeling froggy talking to him and I called in another big one to Just Bet on Michigan St at -15.5. Needless to say, they won by 15. Well the drinks and the company were good. Monkey is a super guy. But we had to go to a show and he had to get away from my loser cooties. We were going to the Stratosphere's topless vampire cabaret style show, Bite. And boy did it ever please.
I saw this show years ago, and I fully recommend it. It is very cheap, and just dreadful. I'd like to tell you everything that happened, but I couldn't see through my tears of laughter. It was awesome. After the show, I was in rare form. I began to approach strangers with a starstruck look on my face. I would say "Oh my God I just love you on Grey's Anatomy! Can I get my picture with you?" My victims were always confused, but played along anyways. Here are just a few of them.
Yup.....everyone is a star in Vegas. Except for that last guy. He was the tech who came out to fix my video poker machine and he was not pleased with my antics. Kinda looks like a Fillipino David Cassidy, doesn't he?
Then at our bar, the entire cast of Bite came to hang out. I don't know if they saw me laughing at them uncontrollably in the front row, but I wasn't missing this photo-op. Notice how the hottie on my right can't keep her hands off of me. It's a gift.
Then as if things couldn't get any better, I met UFC champ "Sugar" Rashad Evans!! Check it out!
That's when we met Uncle Jim. I don't know who this guy was but he was hilarious and he made us drink shots, which we never do. Uncle Jim was a bad man, but for one night, I loved him. I wonder from the first picture, if he would've rather we just left him alone. I dunno? He had no clue at that point.
Jim and I scurried off to play blackjack. I don't remember much else except I had the funnest tables ever, and I didn't win and didn't care. Another 4 AM bedtime. Great.
*************************************
I believe that it was The Pointer Sisters who once said "Saturdays they may be rough but you drink anyways!" OK, no, that was me who said that. I was in serious pain. My throat felt like it had gone 13 rounds with Rogue Scholar's toy collection. I knew I needed reinforcement today. Saturday was funny wig-hat day.
These Overs can't keep hitting right? I unload on TX A&M-UCONN Under 136.5. Um, no. It's starting to get brutal up in here. So I unload BIG once again on the Purdue-WA 2nd half Under 75. OOPS! Thank God I'm wearing my wig-hat or I could be pretty vulnerable right now. It definitely wasn't Under Weekend. I missed the memo. I win and lose some other small ones. At this point, I'm done with hoops. Time for some blackjack again.
I have the best blackjack tables ever. From the players to the dealers to even the pit bosses, everyone is having fun. There is one really cute girl with two glorious double downs playing at my table. I then remember that I have to head to the Luxor for the Criss Angel Cirque du Soleil show. I hate Criss Angel, but I love the Cirque shows. I've now seen 6 or 7 of them and they always please. We spent big bucks on these tickets too, right in the front row. Oh goodie goodie!
Out comes Jon Bon Jovi, er, Goo Goo Dolls, er, Criss Angel. He starts rambling about himself, and his dumb show. And it goes on. And on. And on. I'm tanked mind you and in no mood for self-grandizing from this moron. Then they do some cool stuff, but he starts talking again. I begin to boo, and I literally do the thumbs down sign! Who actually does that? I hated the show. We headed back to our hotel, via two different taxis (one driver went Jihad on me) and back to the tables. That's when this happened!
Thank God I was wearing my hat-wig or I may have actually married this never-was hottie! Another 4 AM night. Holy crap.
*****************************
On Sunday, my throat is the least of my concerns. I lay in bed for hours. How many games have I missed? I don't know. I look like Hume Cronyn's character in 'Marvin's Room'. It's not pretty.
Robyn and I on Sunday morning
At some point in the afternoon, we take a taxi down to Casino Royale. The late games have started and I have action on none of them. I officially took my lumps. I played $10 blackjack hands, sipping on watered down Baybreezes, while watching the crowd at the bar go crazy for the end of the Siena and Missouri games. I suck. We then headed over to The Orleans for the Don Rickles show. I know, I said the same thing...He's still alive?! My first time at The Orleans and I was shocked. What a beautiful place. The whole Louisiana theme works for me also. Don Rickles kills it. He won't be around much longer and I'll be very happy that I saw him live. Raw comedy not worried about hurting feelings, the way it should be.
Rockin my SBR shirt with Don Rickles
Celebrity sightings - Scott Ian from Anthrax, Evander Holyfield at Vegas Airport, and Keyshawn at Atlanta Airport. Whoop dee doo, but still kinda neat.
All in all, this was my best Vegas trip ever. I lost my shirt and I was dead wrong on those Unders. But hey, at least BYU, Utah, Utah St, Morehead St and Morgan St. all lost. I knew the Mormon and Black schools would go down. I'm a real winner.
I would have become the "best man" if I was drunk! 
