Lions To Attend Family Counseling
After losing at home to the struggling Green Bay Packers, the 0-3 Detroit Lions announced they would, as a group, attend family counseling sessions at Detroit's famed Delco Transmission Medical Center. After a brief post-game intervention Sunday, two Delco psychologists recommended to Lions' head coach Rob Marinelli that the entire team including the practice squad and especially the assistant coach who got drunk and drove around naked attend a group counseling session from 2pm to 5pm Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. "We may as well," said a Lions' player, "practice ain't gettin' us nowhere." The player asked to remain nameless and in fact spoke to a our source only after signalling him with a red flag in a potted plant on the deck of his high-rise condo and then meeting him in a nearby parking garage with a lit cigarette. Lions general manager Matt Millen, who's seen three of his last four first-round draft picks traded or dropped from the roster this year, was unavailable for comment and reports said he had retreated to an underground bunker with his mistress Eva and his pet cat.
