Divorce agreement:
>
> Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
> Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the
> late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me
> realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many
> years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship
> has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will
> not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms.
> We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own
> way. Here is a model separation agreement:
>
> Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each
> taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two
> sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
> relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide
> other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We
> don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to
> the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take
> our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah,
> Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for
> finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
>
> We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies,
> Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys,
> hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms,
> greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and
> Hollywood.
>
> You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to
> invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and
> war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault,
> we'll help provide them security.
>
> We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,
> Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U. N..
> but we will no longer be paying the bill.
>
> We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can
> take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
>
> You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
> We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll
> keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure
> you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to
> Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
>
> We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty
> your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history,
> our name and our flag.
>
> Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded
> liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit
> delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one
> of us will need whose help in 15 years.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> John J. Wall Law Student and an American
>
> P. S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
>
>
> Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
> Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the
> late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me
> realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many
> years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship
> has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will
> not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms.
> We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own
> way. Here is a model separation agreement:
>
> Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each
> taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two
> sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
> relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide
> other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We
> don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to
> the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take
> our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah,
> Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for
> finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
>
> We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies,
> Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys,
> hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms,
> greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and
> Hollywood.
>
> You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to
> invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and
> war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault,
> we'll help provide them security.
>
> We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,
> Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U. N..
> but we will no longer be paying the bill.
>
> We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can
> take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
>
> You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
> We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll
> keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure
> you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to
> Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
>
> We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty
> your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history,
> our name and our flag.
>
> Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded
> liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit
> delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one
> of us will need whose help in 15 years.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> John J. Wall Law Student and an American
>
> P. S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
>
