EnglishMike

[betplom]

A Russian, Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani meet while traveling on a train.

To impress his new friends the Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a sip and throws the bottle containing the remaining vodka out the train window, proudly proclaiming "there's plenty more of that where I come from".

The other men are impressed so the Cuban takes out a fine Cuban cigar, lights it, takes one puff and tosses it from the train saying "theres plenty more of those where I come from".

Again everyone is rather impressed so the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.....

[betplom]

A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day.
His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face.

She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned.

"You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."

Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."

"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."

"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."

[betplom]

Ryan telephones his boss at the car dealership and says:
"Look, I'm really sorry but I can't come to work today, I'm sick".

"Sick!" screams his boss "Sick!
This is the fourth time this month you have called in sick Ryan.
Exactly how sick are you?

Well, replies Ryan. "I'm in bed with my 9 year old sister."

[betplom]

A large black man walks down the street with a big parrot on his shoulder.

A young boy, seeing this comes up and excitedly says:

"sir, what an interesting animal you got there".

The parrot responds "yeah, I picked him up in Africa"

[betplom]

Q: What happens when a Jewish boy with a hard on runs into a brick wall?

A: He breaks his nose.

[englishmike]

A Pakistai guy goes into a pub in Scotland with a parrot on his shoulder.

'Where did you get that from,' Asks the landlord,

'England, there's fvckin millions of them,' replies the parrot.

[vanman]