Originally posted on 02/16/2016:

Quote Originally Posted by DiggityDaggityDo View Post
Donker you crack me up.

Your story reminded me of this.

I've got an even better one....

when my first wife and I moved back to austin from newport beach, she joined up in the Junior League of Austin, which is a hi-falootin' organization that runs a thrift shop and is supposed to help charities (and it does, don't get me wrong), but it seems to be more of a way to allow sorority girls a chance to continue being in a sorority after they graduate from college....

Nevetheles, when u join a junior league, much like a sorority, u have a group of newcomers that are considered provisionals, much like a sorority... well, my wife became close friends with about ten of her provisional sisters, and there came a time where all the husbands of said women were going to meet each other, and all the women of the little group would finally get to see the lesser halves who they'd all been complaining about/braggin about/whatever about during their charity work.

That time came in the form of a Halloween party at my and the wife's house, it was a costume party... We went as the Brady's, .... that's right.... Mike and Sarah of the Brady Bunch.... THIS WAS AROUND 1993 OR 94, and I had no idea the real mike brady played the meat flute and swallowed the music, or I'd have never agreed to go as that homo.... but I digress....

to the point: as part of my costume, I wore damn near skin tight polyester pants.... I shifted my junk not to be obvious around these guys I was meeting for the first time, but as two groups formed, one all the guys, one of all the girls, a little light bulb went off over my head. I could hear my wife telling a story in her typical overblown and loud-mouthed way, so I excused myself from the men, saying I was gonna get a drink, did a quick yank and pull down my trusty right pant leg, and proceeded to where my wife was telling her story......

All of the prim and proper junior leaguers, some of whom where now among the richest people in austin as a couple of them had married Dellionaires,as they called them (early dell employees who became worth a couple hundred million because of stock options, etc.), were now sitting on a variety of chairs, ottomans, couches around her, as she stood before them......

As these were f'n elitists, I didn't want to interrupt my wife while she told her story so I just stood there at her side, hands on my hips in a "proud display type fashion", and with my prior adjustment proudly on display..... I really didn't make eye contact with any of them, I was ignoring them and looking down / over at my wife, knowing full fukkin' well, with me not paying attention, even these fukkin' junior leaguers would go to "meat gazing."

so, after I'm there for about fifteen to twenty seconds.... my wife starts to stammer a bit with her story, as although I'm lookin on at her, one by one her sisters got distracted, and were no longer paying attention to her story..... She finally stops and says "whattttttt? what are ya'll all looking at"???????? and she immediately looks at my crotch, and goes "OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT ?????"

AND I'M like, "YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS, BABY, YOU GET IT EVERY NIGHT." THE young junior leaguers are generally still gawking and generally starting to nerviously laugh a bit, but then my wife grabs it, as I'm yelling "HEY, NOT NOW.... WE Can wait" and shit like that; she gets a handful of it and squeezes....

A LOUD SQUEAKING NOISE EMITS FROM MY 12" INCHES...... NOW I'm laffing and so are the junior league women, and my wife continues to yell "what is that?????"

I turn away from the women, and pull the 12" plastic CARROT-SHAPED puppy chew toy from pants.... made of relatively hard rubberlike plastic, when you squeeze it, it squeaks. but the damn thing was like an 11" carrot, and the designer but a round ball shaped like the head of rooster at the top, and made it the green portion of the carrot plant (quite intentional, I'm sure, cause the f'n thing was the shape and dimentsions of John Holme's kahk.....)....

but it was a sheer classic moment; that instant while I was ignoring the women and focusing on my wife, they all started gawking at what I guess I wish was my crank....

great group of people.... funny, who when I curbed my wife, all the friends stayed with me, none with her..... there are more stories involving neuvo laredo, dellionaires, their wives, and donkey shows, on a junior league trip to mexico so the wives could "shop", but I'll save those treats for later