If you’ve never had an upset tummy to the point of feeling somewhat ill BEFORE you eat, you’ve never tuned into a Lions Thanksgiving Classic game just before the traditional meal is served. Family gatherings can be taxing and annoying for many. The addition of bad football can send some over the edge. Why the NFL continues to air their very own red-headed stepchild as the featured early host every Thanksgiving, I’ll never know.
Detroit fans don’t even want to watch the Lions, so why the need to force them upon the rest of the country on one of its favorite holidays? I’ve been to sports bars in the Motor City in the last few years to watch NFL football. People were asking the servers to change the channels to the Pistons game! I was in shock! What other town would do this?
Luckily for me, I’m a schmuck, and spend the holidays avoiding my family. Perhaps many cannot find the beauty in the Lions, who have dropped their last five Thanksgiving meetings by a combined score of 179-62. But I generally spend the turkey holiday in my underwear, eating beef jerky, looking for a winner. What am I thankful for? I’m thankful for sharp cheddar cheese, Albert Hofmann and the opportunity to make easy money betting against Detroit on the holidays. No really, thanks guys. Don’t change a thing.
Right about the time that you will be digging into the stuffing and mashed potatoes, Green Bay and Detroit will be kicking off a full day of football. And I will be nursing a massive hangover with a fresh beer. Don’t act like you’re not jealous.
The Packers roll into town as 10.5 pt favorites. That could move one way or another, depending on whether Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson will be available. Johnson is coming off of a huge game, and Stafford off a record-setting performance. Both players are dinged up and uncertain for Thursday’s game. When these teams met in Week 6, Daunte Culpepper was in for an injured Stafford, and Green Bay took full advantage of the washed-up QB, throttling Detroit 26-0. Look for another ugly blowout should Stafford be unavailable again.
Hey did I ever tell you the story about the time that my ex-girlfriend casually mentioned to me that she once went out on a “date” with Daunte Culpepper back when she attended UCF University? Eh, this probably isn’t a good time. It is the holidays after all.
Hey speaking of holidays, does anyone have Matt Holliday’s address? I’m still selling bone marrow to recover the losses from that dropped fly ball. Yea you’re right. Not a good time for that either.
Back to business here. I really don’t care if Stafford and Johnson are playing or not. Let’s not forget that those career games came against the Cleveland Browns. Let’s not get too crazy. It would be the equivalent of me beating Terry Schiavo in a game of Checkers and pounding my chest in victory. Calm down, Bread. It still took you four hours to beat her. Cleveland is horrible and not to be used as a barometer for anyone’s career.
I have soured on Green Bay QB Aaron Rodgers recently. I just don’t think that he as good as I had originally believed. But against Detroit’s wretched defense, he will look like Joe Montana and Dan Marino’s cloned son. Take a gander at these turkeys:
·391.5 ypg allowed (2nd worst in NFL)
·30.1 ppg allowed (worst in NFL)
·275.3 passing ypg allowed (worst in NFL)
This alone should be enough to continue the tradition of Detroit blowouts on Thanksgiving. Look for a big game from Packers running back Ryan Grant once the lead reaches double digits, and Green Bay looks to run clock.
Now for a rare moment of seriousness, I’d like to express my thankfulness for a few things.
I am extremely thankful for my beautiful wife, Robyn, who puts up with more of my antics than any human should be subjected to.
I am thankful for Ball State, who just scored a touchdown as I typed this.
And I’m terribly thankful that in this day and age, when barriers and stereotypes of our fellow humans are being broken down more and more, we still have separate water fountains for our Canadian brothers. Ick, Canadians.
Happy Thanksgiving, friends.
Detroit fans don’t even want to watch the Lions, so why the need to force them upon the rest of the country on one of its favorite holidays? I’ve been to sports bars in the Motor City in the last few years to watch NFL football. People were asking the servers to change the channels to the Pistons game! I was in shock! What other town would do this?
Would rather be at a Pistons game
Right about the time that you will be digging into the stuffing and mashed potatoes, Green Bay and Detroit will be kicking off a full day of football. And I will be nursing a massive hangover with a fresh beer. Don’t act like you’re not jealous.
The Packers roll into town as 10.5 pt favorites. That could move one way or another, depending on whether Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson will be available. Johnson is coming off of a huge game, and Stafford off a record-setting performance. Both players are dinged up and uncertain for Thursday’s game. When these teams met in Week 6, Daunte Culpepper was in for an injured Stafford, and Green Bay took full advantage of the washed-up QB, throttling Detroit 26-0. Look for another ugly blowout should Stafford be unavailable again.
Hey did I ever tell you the story about the time that my ex-girlfriend casually mentioned to me that she once went out on a “date” with Daunte Culpepper back when she attended UCF University? Eh, this probably isn’t a good time. It is the holidays after all.
Hey speaking of holidays, does anyone have Matt Holliday’s address? I’m still selling bone marrow to recover the losses from that dropped fly ball. Yea you’re right. Not a good time for that either.
Back to business here. I really don’t care if Stafford and Johnson are playing or not. Let’s not forget that those career games came against the Cleveland Browns. Let’s not get too crazy. It would be the equivalent of me beating Terry Schiavo in a game of Checkers and pounding my chest in victory. Calm down, Bread. It still took you four hours to beat her. Cleveland is horrible and not to be used as a barometer for anyone’s career.
I have soured on Green Bay QB Aaron Rodgers recently. I just don’t think that he as good as I had originally believed. But against Detroit’s wretched defense, he will look like Joe Montana and Dan Marino’s cloned son. Take a gander at these turkeys:
·391.5 ypg allowed (2nd worst in NFL)
·30.1 ppg allowed (worst in NFL)
·275.3 passing ypg allowed (worst in NFL)
This alone should be enough to continue the tradition of Detroit blowouts on Thanksgiving. Look for a big game from Packers running back Ryan Grant once the lead reaches double digits, and Green Bay looks to run clock.
Now for a rare moment of seriousness, I’d like to express my thankfulness for a few things.
I am extremely thankful for my beautiful wife, Robyn, who puts up with more of my antics than any human should be subjected to.
I am thankful for Ball State, who just scored a touchdown as I typed this.
And I’m terribly thankful that in this day and age, when barriers and stereotypes of our fellow humans are being broken down more and more, we still have separate water fountains for our Canadian brothers. Ick, Canadians.
Happy Thanksgiving, friends.
Angry Turkey would prefer you just drink
