It had been joked recently by a friend that by having my wisdom teeth extracted, that I was perhaps extracting some of my remaining cerebral wisdom. Sure, it was funny at the time. Ha ha make fun of the guy with the bleeding mouth. I’m all about it. My teeth were pulled on Friday. Then on Saturday I played a bunch of college football and basketball games, compiling an embarrassing 31% record.
Let me be the first to say, that I do not consider myself a “sharp” when it comes to the gambling game. I’m more like a “dull” opportunist who can go on decent runs from time to time. But I hadn’t had a day as bad as yesterday in some time. It was, simply put, miserable.
I’ll admit I’m a little bit nervous. What if I hit at 31% for the rest of my life? Would my dentist consider me crazy if I requested wisdom teeth implants? What if this sudden stupidity takes over other aspects of my life? Wht if i froget how to tpye?? I’m scared. Before the panic sets in, I’m going to chalk yesterday up to the pain pills. That had to be it. That, and the lack of alcohol. I was missing my brain juice.
In dishonor of my three pulled teeth, I’m going to attempt to pick three winners today. I am betting against three bad road teams. I understand that home teams got killed last week. This week that changes…at least for my three games.
Chicago Bears -6.5 vs Jacksonville Jaguars
I have finally thrown in the towel on the Jags. Yes, they actually are THAT bad. I never bought into them being AFC contenders as many NFL insiders predicted, but I did believe that they were a competitive Wild Card team. They are now 4-8 and last in their division. Quarterback David Garrard has thrown nine picks and running back Maurice Jones-Drew has been non-existent.
The Bears are 6-6 and in contention because they have played this year using Jacksonville’s model: A strong running game, a passing game that won’t hurt you and a respectable defense. That all fell apart in last week’s 20 point loss to the Vikings. QB Kyle Orton threw three INT’s in that game, which might’ve cost them the division. I look for a big game from Bear’s running back Matt Forte, and the Jags to get crushed again as Chicago gets back on the winning track. It doesn’t get much better than December games at Soldier Field.
Denver Broncos -9.5 vs Kansas City Chiefs
The Broncos will be looking to avenge their Week 4 loss to K.C. That 33-19 beating came out of nowhere. Quite frankly, they couldn’t make this line high enough.
Denver has been a bit unpredictable this year, but the Chiefs have been consistent. Consistently dreadful. I’m on record for a 42-10 Denver victory here.
Baltimore Ravens -5.5 vs Washington Redskins
Was there ever any doubt that the Skins would not be in the playoffs? That was still Jason Campbell at QB, right? It was just a matter of time until they reclaimed their rightful place in the standings. Today they travel across town to play the Baltimore Ravens. Look for the Ravens to win their seventh out of eight games, and in a big way.
Washington running back Clinton Portis went crazy at the beginning of the year, and was a huge reason for his team’s early success. He has struggled as of late while battling nagging injuries. Washington as a team has not rushed for over 100 yards in three of their last four games. The one that they did run for 187 was against Seattle, and that’s the equivalent of playing a Division II team these days. It will only get worse as they face Baltimore, with the league’s 3rd ranked rushing defense. This will force Campbell to throw more, which could provide more comedy than a Will Ferrell movie.
That the Ravens have a strong defense is no surprise. What is a surprise, is that they are 10th in the league in points scored. They are averaging as many points as Denver this year. Who’da thunk it? Baltimore is looking to solidify a playoff spot and Washington is fading away. I’m taking the Ravens to win big here.
And yes, that is the only one of my wisdom teeth that the surgeon was able to salvage for me photoshopped on these pictures. You call it twisted. I call it therapeutic.
Let me be the first to say, that I do not consider myself a “sharp” when it comes to the gambling game. I’m more like a “dull” opportunist who can go on decent runs from time to time. But I hadn’t had a day as bad as yesterday in some time. It was, simply put, miserable.
I’ll admit I’m a little bit nervous. What if I hit at 31% for the rest of my life? Would my dentist consider me crazy if I requested wisdom teeth implants? What if this sudden stupidity takes over other aspects of my life? Wht if i froget how to tpye?? I’m scared. Before the panic sets in, I’m going to chalk yesterday up to the pain pills. That had to be it. That, and the lack of alcohol. I was missing my brain juice.
In dishonor of my three pulled teeth, I’m going to attempt to pick three winners today. I am betting against three bad road teams. I understand that home teams got killed last week. This week that changes…at least for my three games.
Chicago Bears -6.5 vs Jacksonville Jaguars
I have finally thrown in the towel on the Jags. Yes, they actually are THAT bad. I never bought into them being AFC contenders as many NFL insiders predicted, but I did believe that they were a competitive Wild Card team. They are now 4-8 and last in their division. Quarterback David Garrard has thrown nine picks and running back Maurice Jones-Drew has been non-existent.
The Bears are 6-6 and in contention because they have played this year using Jacksonville’s model: A strong running game, a passing game that won’t hurt you and a respectable defense. That all fell apart in last week’s 20 point loss to the Vikings. QB Kyle Orton threw three INT’s in that game, which might’ve cost them the division. I look for a big game from Bear’s running back Matt Forte, and the Jags to get crushed again as Chicago gets back on the winning track. It doesn’t get much better than December games at Soldier Field.
Denver Broncos -9.5 vs Kansas City Chiefs
The Broncos will be looking to avenge their Week 4 loss to K.C. That 33-19 beating came out of nowhere. Quite frankly, they couldn’t make this line high enough.
Denver has been a bit unpredictable this year, but the Chiefs have been consistent. Consistently dreadful. I’m on record for a 42-10 Denver victory here.
Baltimore Ravens -5.5 vs Washington Redskins
Was there ever any doubt that the Skins would not be in the playoffs? That was still Jason Campbell at QB, right? It was just a matter of time until they reclaimed their rightful place in the standings. Today they travel across town to play the Baltimore Ravens. Look for the Ravens to win their seventh out of eight games, and in a big way.
Washington running back Clinton Portis went crazy at the beginning of the year, and was a huge reason for his team’s early success. He has struggled as of late while battling nagging injuries. Washington as a team has not rushed for over 100 yards in three of their last four games. The one that they did run for 187 was against Seattle, and that’s the equivalent of playing a Division II team these days. It will only get worse as they face Baltimore, with the league’s 3rd ranked rushing defense. This will force Campbell to throw more, which could provide more comedy than a Will Ferrell movie.
That the Ravens have a strong defense is no surprise. What is a surprise, is that they are 10th in the league in points scored. They are averaging as many points as Denver this year. Who’da thunk it? Baltimore is looking to solidify a playoff spot and Washington is fading away. I’m taking the Ravens to win big here.
And yes, that is the only one of my wisdom teeth that the surgeon was able to salvage for me photoshopped on these pictures. You call it twisted. I call it therapeutic.