1. #1
    LINE-crush-ER
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    The Ten Commandments Of Football

    Thou shall be beat-eth by the clock-eth.

    Time has no meaning. When thou has wagered on the over, it will fly. Tick, Tick, Tick, with very few points being scored. Many field-goals will be missed as you writhe in pain. When thou shall take the under however…Time Stands Still. Fireworks erupt. The clock stops running after each play. Many points will be scored including a 56 yard field goal, a TD runback, and a fumble recovery on the one. Still the clock will not move. The final score will be 49-46

    Thou shall be anally probed, even though thou may not be gay-eth.

    History tells us that over 95% of all overtime games are decided by a field goal. An ultra rare overtime touchdown will cost you a game this year, because your dog of 3.5 to 5.5 points will fail to cover. Thou shall be very nauseous that night.

    To the idiots go the spoils.

    Once again this year, the biggest no nothing pantywaist will win the office pool. Just for added humiliation, a girl may even take the pot. If the “Kyl Bill” becomes law, you may all have to go to prison too.

    Thou shall be stoned by the blind man.
    It will be in the fourth quarter. The winning touchdown shall be nullified by a non-existent holding penalty call, made by a blind Zebra. Instant replay will clearly show that there was no holding. Thou is ****-ethed.

    Thou shall not go for two-ith
    The Coaches all have this stupid chart telling when they should or shouldn’t go for two. If it’s not the last 5 minutes of the 4th quarter THEY SHOULD NEVER GO FOR IT. What they don’t seem to understand is that the odds of making a conversion are very low. You will lose many a game in the fourth quarter, because the idiot coach “went for it” in the first quarter.

    Thou shall be mugged by Rule-makers On Acid.
    Getting 6 or more points with a big dog, you will lose a college game in overtime this year due to the completely silly, ridiculous, unfair, and incomprehensible overtime rules.

    P.S. Many a golden under will go over, because of same.

    Thou shall be canned by a Tuna.


    Bill Parcels was famous for this one. Some time this year, as the seconds tick down, and it seems that you cannot possible lose a game you appear to be about to win by a razor thin margin…you will watch in horror, as your team runs the opposite way on fourth down to take a safety. It’s a feeling of horror that cannot be described by mere words alone.

    Thou shall stare at the screen in stunned disbelief-eth.

    Hasn’t this happened to you before? Won’t it happen again? The final drive has been stopped. Your team is about to run the clock out. You reach for your victory cigar. Then, on the ensuing kickoff, these brain surgeons, who you bet your hard earned money on, will rough the kicker. The remote control will begin to feel very heavy in your hand, not unlike a rock, and you will find yourself seriously considering heaving it at your television screen.

    Thou shall scream bloody murder-ith.

    Once again this year, you will find yourself screaming uncontrollably in your own living room. Your next door neighbor may even call to see if everything’s O.K. Just tell him you’re watching Football and mumble something about a 2 point conversion. If he’s a sports-fan, he’ll understand that the two point conversion can wreak havoc on your bankroll.

    Thou shall be burnt to a crisp-ith, stuck with a fork-ith, hung out to dry-ith, and tarred and feather-ithed

    Translation? The ultimate humiliation will befall you again this season. You will lose a game to the spread this year, because of a missed extra point.

  2. #2
    Pontiff
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    Very nice. I believe we have all experienced the commandments more than once. My worst was when my buddy and I had TT many years ago as the last leg of a 8 team parlay and a huge single bet. They scored to take the lead with 10 seconds to go. Problem was, we needed the extra point to cover by a half a point. My buddy's brother laughed and said "watch them f*** up the extra point." We looked at each other and froze in nervousness. This was the difference between collecting a cool grand or paying out much the same. The kicker then went on the get a nice clean kick that split nothing. It tanked off the upright and I dropped to a knee. ARGGGGGGGG! Kickers are worthless. As Tech stormed the field in jubilation, I realized that I had to help pay for the man's christmas yet again.

  3. #3
    crackerjack
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    Haha ... nice post. I once lost a college game where I had +10 and the game went into OT. I was already counting my money. Team I bet against scores TD to go up by seven. My team's turn. Interception returned for TD and they lose by 13. Unbelievable...

  4. #4
    Brady2Moss
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    College football overtime rules are stupid

  5. #5
    LINE-crush-ER
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    tennnessee , ucla , perfect example

  6. #6
    LINE-crush-ER
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    Bo Jackson: "If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn't the same as the one I was wearing, I'd run over her if she was in my way. And I love my mother."
    Vince Lombardi: "The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur."
    "Football is like life, it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority."
    Erma Bombeck: "Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence."
    RB George Rogers: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
    John Madden: "The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer."
    Lee Corso: "Hawaii doesn't win many games in the United States."
    Archie Griffin: "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog."
    Terry Bradshaw: "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid."
    Howie Long: "In Montana, they renamed a town after an all-time great, Joe Montana. Well, a town in Massachusetts changed their name to honor my guy Terry Bradshaw--Marblehead."
    William "The Refrigerator" Perry: "I've been big ever since I was little."
    Tom Arnold: (On Warren Sapp) "Hey, Warren, the Raiders signed you to a seven-year deal. I guess Bill Callahan was right --- they are the dumbest team in America."
    Rickey Williams: "I didn't quit football because I failed a drug test, I failed a test because I was ready to quite football."
    Joe Namath: Prior to Superbowl III: "I've got news for you. We're gonna win the game. I guarantee it."
    Paul Tagliabue: "I'm a firm believer that all sports will eventually be global. Someday, we may have a quarterback from China named Yao Fling."
    Jack Tatum: "I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault."
    Bob Golic: "If you're mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It's about the same."
    Tom Landry: "Football is an incredible game. Sometimes it's so incredible, it's unbelievable."
    Joe Theisman: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
    Jery Rice: "I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that. "
    Dick Butkus: "I wouldn't ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was, you know, important -like a league game or something."
    Bruce Coslett: "We can't run. We can't pass. We can't stop the run. We can't stop the pass. We can't kick. Other than that, we're just not a very good football team right now."
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